1. The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. 

2. I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked, 

   "Can you afford fries with that?" 

3. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. 

4. If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds,"

     you have to call them and ask if they mean you or them .

5. Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM. 

6. McDonald's is selling the 1/4  'ouncer'. 

7. Parents in Beverly Hills and Malibu are firing their nannies and learning their                         
       children’s names.

8. A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico . 

9. Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting. 

10. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore. 

11. The Mafia is laying off judges. 

12. BP Oil laid off 25 Congressmen. 

And, finally... 

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and our bleak future, that I called the Suicide Lifeline and was connected to a call center in Pakistan . 

When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.