17 STUNNING HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR : 2029

1. Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh
    largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .
2. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's
    third language.
3. Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
4. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage
5. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
    legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
6. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
7. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces
    mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
8. 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
9. Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year
      in Mexifornia and Floruba.
10. Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed
      they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
11. Senate still blocking drilling in ANWAR even though gas is selling for
    4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
12. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
13. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
14. Average height of mutant NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
15. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
      swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.
16. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent for those dumb enough to work.
17. Floruba voters still having trouble with their voting machines.