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Alert Levels

Published:

Last Edited: April 20, 2012, 10:16 pm

 ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE
 
 
 
 
 The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and Iran 
therefore they have raised their security level from "Miffed" to  "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to 
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" 
since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.  Terrorists have
been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to " A Bloody Nuisance."
The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was 
in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. 

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the b*stards!" 
They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have 
been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are
"Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
country's military capability. 

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to 
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat 
Operations" and "Change Sides." 

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" 
to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." 

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat
they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels . 

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. 
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish 
navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. 

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to 
"She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think 
we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." 
So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person


--A final thought. Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, 
and Rome is in disarray.  Welcome back to 430 BC. 

 

                 Not too many people funnier than John Cleese in my opinion.

                 Fawlty Towers was one of my favorites.

 

 

Entry #48

Comments

1.
jarasanComment by jarasan - April 21, 2012, 7:54 am
Good one! The french taunt in the Holy Grail is my favorite of all.

2.
JAP69Comment by JAP69 - April 21, 2012, 8:14 am
ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2012 AMERICA

Liberalert
Obamalert

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