These are   Memphis , TN 's REAL 911 Calls!

Dispatcher  : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller:  I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the  corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an  address?
Caller:  No, I have on a blouse and  slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller :   Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese  sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me? 
Caller :  I made a ham and cheese sandwich and  left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom,  someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller :   No, but this has happened to me before and I'm  sick and tired of it!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency? 
Call er:   I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my  phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller:    I  thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. 
Caller:    Honey, I may be old, but I'm not  stupid.

My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1  What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller:     My wife is pregnant and her  contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller:   No, you idiot! This is her husband! 

And the winner  is.............

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller:  Yeah, I'm  having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.  Darn....I think I'm  going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where  are you calling from?
Caller:   I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. 
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the  way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller:   No
Dispatcher: What were you  doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller:    Running from the  Police.