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Republicans Call For Criminal Charges Against Michael Moore

Published:

No I can't make this stuff up. I'm just not that creative. I found this on Michael Moore's website. He's actually swinging this way on his tour early next week, might go see what all the fuss is about.


Republicans, Out of Ideas, Ask Prosecutors to Arrest Michael Moore

10/6/04

Dear Friends,

You may have heard by now that the Michigan Republican Party has called for my arrest. That's right. They literally want me brought up on charges -- and hope that I'm locked up.

No, I'm not kidding. The Republican Party, yesterday, filed a criminal complaint with the prosecutors in each of the counties where I spoke last week in Michigan.

My crime? Clean underwear for anyone who will vote in the upcoming election.

Each night on our 60-city "Slacker Uprising Tour" through the 20 battleground states, I've been registering hundreds (and on some nights, thousands) of voters at my arena and stadium events. I then ask for everyone over 23 who has never voted (or didn't vote in the last election) to stand up. I tell these slackers that I understand and respect why they think politicians are not worth the bother. I tell them that I may have been the original slacker, and that I do not want them to change their slacker ways. Keep sleeping 'til noon! Keep drinking beer! Stay on the sofa and watch as much TV as possible! But, please, just for me, on 11/2, I want you to leave the house and give voting a try -- just this once. The stakes this time are just too high.

If they promise me that they'll do this, I give the guys a 3-pack of new Fruit of the Loom underwear, and the women get a day's supply of Ramen noodles, the sustenance of slackers everywhere.

I then close by having them repeat the 2004 Slacker Oath: "Pick nose! Pick butt! Pick Kerry."

It seems to have worked, as each night the volunteer tables are swamped afterwards with hundreds of new and young voters signing up to campaign for regime change for the next four weeks.

The satire of all this seems to have been lost on the Republicans. Or maybe it hasn't. The state of Michigan (where we spent most of last week) reported that over 100,000 young people recently registered to vote, a record that no one saw coming. The Slacker Tour has turned into a huge steamroller with a momentum all its own.

So, the Republican Party, to show their gratitude that so many young people will now be involved in our system, has demanded that I be sent to jail for trying to "bribe" students to vote.

Of course, this would be quite laughable if they weren't so serious about their charges. But they are. I may soon be a wanted man in Michigan -- simply because I convinced a few slackers to change their underwear and eat a healthy meal of artificially flavored noodles.

I thought I'd seen it all this year -- Disney refusing to distribute the film they paid for, right-wingers harassing theater owners who showed "Fahrenheit 9/11," conservative action groups trying to get the FEC to kick our film ads off the air, the unnecessary restrictive R-rating that forced teenagers to sneak in to see it, and all the stupid, crazy attacks on me and my movie that I've had to listen to as I watched the public ignore them and pack the movie houses anyway, where my film was being shown. And when all that failed, five different Republican groups made five different attack dog tapes (oops, "documentaries"!) against me in a period of about six weeks. But they were all so bad, so boring, so right-wing, no one wanted to watch them and they too went away, a sad waste of good videotape.

Now, after enduring all this, with no tricks left in their bag, they've just decided, "Let's toss his sorry ass behind bars -- him and his noodles and his gift of clean underwear!"

My friends, they will not catch me. Though I may be on the run, and I may never be able to return home to my beloved Michigan, I make this solemn vow to you and yours: The slackers of America shall not be denied their noodles, they will proudly wear their clean underwear as free Americans, and they will vote Bush out of office come November 2nd (though they will not show up to the polls until well after noon)!

Stay strong, stay slacker, and please remember to turn the underwear inside out every three days. As for the noodles, add boiling water, stir.

Yours,

Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
www.michaelmoore.com

P.S. My favorite moment of the VP debate: Cheney saying to the moderator that this was the first he heard that that many black women in America had AIDS. Clueless. Cheney, for an entire 90-minutes, only mentioned Bush's name -- that's his running mate, the "president" -- once. They should have called this the "President (Cheney) -- Vice President (Edwards) Debate."

P.P.S. Tomorrow's letter, as promised for today, will be about my new book, "Will They Ever Trust Us Again?: Letters from the War Zone." And thanks, everyone, for sending "Fahrenheit 9/11" on its first day to #1 on Amazon. If you find that your store didn't order enough copies, or to report other problems, please e-mail Sony Home video at HeySony@michaelmoore.com.
Entry #3

Comments

1.
ToddComment by Todd - October 12, 2004, 2:46 pm
I'm very sorry that you're infected with liberalism. I hope you get healed one day.
2.
Comment by Babel - October 12, 2004, 7:52 pm
Yeah, I guess I'm too poor to be a Republican.
3.
ToddComment by Todd - October 12, 2004, 8:45 pm
Huh? That's a strange thing to say. I wasn't aware of a Republican entry fee. The only thing I'm aware of in order to become a Republican is a dose of common sense.
4.
Comment by Babel - October 12, 2004, 9:15 pm
Telling someone they are infected and lack common sense and that they need to be healed isn't a strange thing to say? You've never heard that saying before? It's a really old one. It's a joke Todd.
5.
ToddComment by Todd - October 12, 2004, 10:58 pm
My apologies; your statements have been so caustic against anything that is not liberal that I didn't realize you were joking.

And I believe liberalism (for the majority of liberals) is something they outgrow as they grow older and wiser. That is what I mean by being "healed".

Most people, as they start to achieve success in their lives as a result of years of hard work, stop wanting their hard-earned money taken from them in the form of unfair taxes, and have a more seasoned view of the world. In other words, they become more conservative.

Or, in the case of people such as myself, I achieved that conservative view much earlier in life, because I am a self-starter and highly motivated individual, who believes you gain those benefits that you work hard for. I do not like hand-outs or income redistribution.
6.
Comment by Babel - October 13, 2004, 12:16 am
I don't think I'm caustic against anything not liberal. I'm caustic against people unable to present any facts to back up their opinion, or can't bring up good ones.

On another post we discussed tax cuts and we were both agreed. Nobody likes taxes, everyone wants them lower. However I think I buy something with my taxes so they aren't inherantly bad. What I find interesting is this idea that a tax and spend liberal is so horrid. Why? By my view at least they are honest. They tell you they are going to tax you and spend the money. I'll take that over what we have now, a tax less and spend more conservative. As a younger voter the national debt is very important to me and I find the Bush administration policies on taxes and the budget to be completely irresponsible. You can't cut taxes and increase spending.

Aparently lower taxes being good isn't the only thing we agree on, I don't like handouts either. On the other hand I think we need a level of social support in this country and so far business seems unwilling to provide that support. So while I think government is wasteful and business would do it more efficiently I will side with government doing it when business won't because I think it's important that it happen. I'll give you two personal examples of people I know.

One is the sister of a friend of mine. She is a half credit away from her high school degree and has been so for more then a decade. She's popped out at least two kids, maybe more, and she lives on welfare. Always has, always will. She works a few months every year or so to reset the welfare clock and then quits the job and goes back on the public dole. She is, as I like to phrase, a waste of skin.

The other is an ex girlfriend. We split up after high school but are still in touch now and then. She got pregnant and after the father (another waste of skin) offered to marry her and she accepted he turned around and kicked her, still pregnant, out of their apartment and onto the street. She went out and found a decent paying job and had the kid. That's when the problems started. The father refused responsibility and she had to take him to court. Court finally found in favor of her and ordered child support. As of this day he probably owes her about 15 grand in back payments. Her job didn't pay enough and offer enough benefits for her to both live and support her child. She gave it a good go, was a hard worker. Just daycare for the child while she was at work was $400/month. That's hard to swallow for a single mother in the current job market. She was literally starving herself to ensure that her child had food. She would eat like a can of soup or something. Yet by the way social support works in this country she couldn't get anything. She always ended up making 50 bucks or something monthly over the limits for the various programs so she didn't get jack.

Now example one shouldn't get jack. She's just lazy. But the other should be saluted. She didn't want to go on the public dole. She worked hard, put in her 40 hours, was a model employee, was loyal to her employer and her customers and she still couldn't make a go of it. She got no support from the father of her child, society, or her employer. The result of that is she had to quit her job and move back in with her parents.

My feeling is that all jobs are important. All jobs in the society are necessary at verying levels. And if you are willing to do what she did, put in your full work week, do your job well, be good to your employer and your customers you should have the basics of life. Child care for your kids, health care, shelter, food, education, etc. That's what a great society does. Unfortunately business leaders (certainly not all but many) don't seem to have any sense of social responsibility. Business has never been this profitable in the history of this nation. Never. Yet we don't see expanding wages or benefits with that previously unheard of level of profitability. We in fact are seeing the exact oposite. So in this reality we find ourselves in I find nowhere else to turn but to government to provide that social safety net for those that earn and need it.

I want to be a conservative. I want business to do what's necessary. I'm a realist though. Business isn't stepping up to the plate, worried more about their profits then the welfare of their employees and their nation without which they wouldn't have any of those nifty profits. I firmly believe that you can do the right thing and still make a profit. So until that happens we need to turn to government, no matter how wasteful, because this is important. Just as important as homeland security and defense and education. And to achieve these goals we need taxes. Nobody likes taxes. Everyone wants lower taxes. But you have to realize that your taxes buy something. Something important.

Wow, that was long, even by my standards. There you go though, the basics of my political philosophy.
7.
hypersoniqComment by hypersoniq - October 13, 2004, 5:04 am
income redistribution... what do you call taking our jobs and sending them overseas? Nobody affected by NAFTA is asking for a handout... just the chance to continue working for a living without unfair government blessed corporate greed-driven layoffs FOR NO GOOD REASON...
neither the extreme right nor the extreme left have an ounce of common sense between them.
8.
ToddComment by Todd - October 13, 2004, 8:31 am
hypersoniq, you CONSTANTLY harp on the outsourcing thing, but that is a load of you-know-what. Unemployment is currently 5.4%. That is lower than the average unemployment of the 70s, 80s, and 90s.

Outsourcing dime-a-dozen programming jobs is a GOOD thing, not a bad thing. It helps businesses to employ USA citizens in BETTER jobs, not COMMODITY jobs.

If you get caught up in a layoff, then I hope you have the wherewithall to get back on your feet, because thank God we live in a country where it is easy to do that if you apply yourself. Stop crying and get busy.

I've been caught up in a layoff, so I know of what I speak. But I wasn't some little crying baby cursing the president for (*sob*) outsourcing my job. I got on my feet and got a new job. And you know what? The whole process made me stronger, and I got a better job.

Your greed, outsourcing, blah, blah, is tiresome, because it comes from the entitlement vantage point, not the self-reliant standpoint. This country is great because of CAPITALISM, in which strong companies are a good thing. Not the greedy, horrible things you make them out to be.

I know that there is absolutely nothing I can say to sway your opinion, but I'm sure there's going to be a lot of people who take heart that others feel the same way I do. That this is a good country, led by a good president, providing the best place to make a good living for yourself and your family -- if you're willing and determined.

Don't you get it? THAT'S WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO COME HERE. If we were "outsourcing" all the good jobs, people would want to go where they were being outsourced, not to where they were leaving.

I'm going to sum it all up in one simple sentence for you:

"We are outsourcing the low-value jobs, which creates higher-value jobs at home."

If you don't agree, well, then you don't agree. I hope one day you yourself get one of those better jobs that are being created, and then you will see the wisdom of which I speak.
9.
Comment by Babel - October 13, 2004, 12:32 pm
I would respond with a few points.

First is that unemployment is a loaded figure. It only counts people that still get benefits and not the actual unemployed like my mom whose benefits have run out. She's worked about 2.5 months this year even after doing some home study courses to improve her resume. Next week she is starting a part time call center job that pays less then she made before just to get some money rolling in while she continues to look for a real job.

2nd is that this is the first I've heard of programming being a bad job. It was a good job. A well paying job. This is also the first time I've heard that businesses have been putting all these people to work in better jobs. That's flat out not true. The simple fact of the matter is that wages, income, and benefits are all going down. Case in point the company I used to work for. They used to employ probably 10,000 people here in the US when I started. When I left there they were probably down to 10% of that, maybe 15%. They had 8 sites across the country when I started, when I left they had 2. When I started I got $11.04/hour, when I left new hires were only getting $8.50/hour.

This idea that large, strong companies aren't greedy is also just not true. Pick up the business section of any decently sized newspaper on any day of the week and there will be a whole raft of examples of greed.

You speak of entitlement like it's some kind of dirty thing. Why? Why is it so wrong to believe that if you are willing to work, to be a productive member of society, that you should receive a living wage and the benefits you need? I am mystified by this thinking. We aren't talking about a bunch of lazy bastards that want to sit on their couch all day eating pork rinds and watching Springer. We are talking about good, honest, hard working people. Workers making living wages and a society that supports them is good for everyone, business and the workers.

If you're an employer you want well educated employees right? Then isn't it important that government invest in education to accomplish that? You want healthy employees so they miss less work and don't infect everyone else right? Then isn't it important that government or you as an employer invest in health insurance? You want single parents to be able to work for you so wouldn't it be good for you as an employer or government to provide daycare? Higher paying jobs would reduce crime which I think we all agree is a problem, one that we have to devote large sums of money to that could be spent on other things. Lower and middle income people with more money are better for the economy because they go out and buy things and carry less debt. CEOs in this country make hundreds of times the wages of the average worker. This ratio is the highest of virtually anywhere on the planet. These higher wages come from the public in the form of higher prices then they should otherwise be and jobs with lower wages and benefits then they would otherwise be. That's a fact. It's greed. Pure and simple. They could live just as well on 5 million a year as the 10 million they get now. In Japan when a company falls on hard times the executives first take a pay cut. They believe that their personal fortunes should rise and fall with the health of their company. In the US the exact opposite is true. A company falling on hard times is a signal for the executives to cook the books and rape and squeeze every last dollar of personal profit they can out of it before the employees and the investors find out. Again just look at any newspaper for examples.
10.
ToddComment by Todd - October 13, 2004, 7:08 pm
I'm sure your negative hostility towards corporate America makes you a terrific interview candidate. (Please note the heavy sarcasm.)

My advice to you is to gain strength from within, and always achieve based on your own efforts and merit, rather than trying to be on the receiving end of a handout. You'll feel better about yourself.
11.
Comment by Babel - October 14, 2004, 3:26 am
I still don't understand why expecting jobs to pay a living wage with living benefits is a handout. A lack of living wages is killing this country.

To take the conservative point of view for a moment, the belief is that lower taxes are better because it puts more money into the hands of the citizens with which they can then go and spend and grow the economy. Can you not take this same philosophy and apply it to wages? Higher wages for all are better for the economy because it gives people more money with which they can then go and spend and grow the economy.

Changing gears slightly, the president made what I thought was an insightful point during the debate tonight , a debate which he lost (Come on, you didn't expect me to let that chance pass did you?), on the subject of health care when he said that if government stepped in and provided health care then businesses wouldn't do it. I can see the truth in this. On the other hand clearly they aren't doing it in ever increasing numbers. So I'm wondering which is better, stepping in and doing what clearly needs to be done or hopeing some day, maybe, business will do the right thing?

That's my problem in a nutshell with the Republican party. This blind belief that business is the solution to all problems. It could be. Definately. There are I imagine many examples of socially responsible businesses. On the other hand there are too many other examples of corporations that have no shred of social responsibility. That's just reality. I'm a realist. So are we to hope that some day everything will turn around or do we need to step in and turn to another source, the government, to solve these problems because they are necessary and important and we can't let things continue the way they are.
12.
hypersoniqComment by hypersoniq - October 17, 2004, 11:41 am
I miss how wanting my 50+hour a week job back is any way relevant to an entitlement? I would have been making 23.00/hr right now... now I drive an hour away for 13.50 (and they usually hire ar 11.00/hr but I had 5 years experience as a machinist and aced all of their tests)... I am now one of their most valuable employees and am the only recent hire that can run in any department (edm, swiss turning, cnc mills, cnc lathes)... to say I am asking for a handout is an insult.
let's look at where I get my anti corporate rage from...
1. Hexcel (5 years) (aerospae manufacturing, started as a saw operator, through study and hard work, got promoted to running cnc milling machines... result? dumped off of 3rd shift to "save money"... total job loss=15 people, I was the seniority "low man"... I got the same pink slip (for no good reason) that 20+year workers got, just because we were on 3rd shift)... starting salary 10.00/hr ending 14.65/hr
2. Lucent/Agere (7 months)(started as a Process analyst in optoelectronics, best job I ever had. Outstanding employee review, lateral promotions, got promoted to high speed circuits and dayshift in 3 months... all sent to mexico and china , job loss=3000+ reason, greed)starting salary 14.91/hr ending salary (in just 7 months) 17.65/hr...
3. took 6 months of unemployment to get certified as a computer network engineer (MCSE), in that time frame, I also got an MCDBA in SQL, A+ pc repair cert, and a programming cert (MCSD) in visual basic... was tricked into believing anyone could get a decent job without having a bachelor's degree in computer science and 5+ years niche experience... salary=unemployment health benefits=0
4. Computer School instructor, 1yr, 5 months... (I ended up with more certifications in 6 months than the instructor had in 3 years... he quit and they hired me, students used to come from other branch schools to take my labs, as I was the only school with a live active directory enterprise setup (using the same cheap PCs the other schools had). was promised raises and bonuses that never materialized, was laid off 14 days before christmas... total job loss=12 due to "restructuring" where they only kept branches in populous areas. I left as the second most certified instructor in the entire school chain, but was replaced with a less qualified instructor who also could teach CDL truckdriving as this was their new "boom" market) starting salary 12/hr ending salary 12/hr benefits=0
current... march '04 to now... CNC Machinist (1 hour drive each way, finally have benefits and work a minimum of 50 hours a week, avg is 6 days 56 hrs a week)
starting salary $13/hr bumped by performance bonus to $13.50/hr benefits do not include vision or dental and we pay $30 a week for them.

Lazy? I think not... in the interim, I have sent out over 600 physical resume's to HR departments all over the area and surrounding counties trying to find that big network engineering job that ain't happenin ever... I was never fired from a job, NEVER had a bad review, ALWAYS have gone above and beyond the job because of that pesky work ethic I cannot seem to shake... I have never left a job where the supervisors weren't disappointed to see me go, I have references on my resume from EVERY former employer. handout is not the same as a fair chance to do an honest job.

the only load of you-know-what is a constant stream of it coming from our clueless president.
13.
hypersoniqComment by hypersoniq - October 17, 2004, 12:32 pm
tax cuts ... they only let you keep more of what you make... the problem is with what they are letting you make... neither candidate addressed that to any reasonable answer.
I never get laid off due to a lack on my part... that would be easier to take. My own efforts and merit cannot combat corporate greed. I ALWAYS feel good about myself at the end of the day after the work that I have done at any job. I do not think it's asking for a handout to request that the people supposed to be representing us STOP selling us out.

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