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"Headlines from the Year 2029!"

Published:

From Neal Boortz.


"OK  ... so the jet lag has me pretty good this morning, so I'm going to fill in some space here with "Headlines from the Year 2029!" sent to me by a listener. 

  • Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia , formerly known as California.  White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
  • Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
  • Baby conceived naturally.  Scientists stumped.
  • Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
  • Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
  • Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
  • France pleads f or global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
  • Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
  • George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
  • Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
  • 85-years, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
  • Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
  • Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. (Hummmmmmmmm) Now that's just wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
  • Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights.
  • Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
  • New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
  • Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
  • IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
  • Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines

REDNECK SCRAP BOOK

Here's a hot dog cooker that'll feed a crowd.

http://boortz.com/nuze/200607/07172006.html#headlines

Entry #449

Comments

1.
LOTTOMIKEComment by LOTTOMIKE - July 17, 2006, 4:15 pm
enjoyed that,lol.thing is a few of those things could very well happen.....
2.
Comment by pacattack05 - July 17, 2006, 4:33 pm
That's funny. I've seen this somewhere a few weeks ago.
3.
konaneComment by konane - July 17, 2006, 4:34 pm
Yes indeed they could!!
4.
csfbComment by csfb - July 17, 2006, 7:26 pm
Lol. Konane, you just made my day!

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