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The lottery fantasy: How much money do you need to say 'buzz off, world'?

Jun 24, 2012, 8:52 am

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Editorial / OpinionEditorial / Opinion: The lottery fantasy: How much money do you need to say 'buzz off, world'?Rating:

By Peter McKay

We don't play the lottery very often. So I always get a little aggravated when I'm standing in line to buy Junior Mints and some clown in front of me has an inch-thick stack of "lucky" numbers he's going to play. But every once in a while, when the jackpot gets into ludicrously high levels, so high that it makes the 6 o'clock news, we break down and get a ticket.

And even though we don't actually play the lottery very often, my wife and I spend an inordinate amount of time planning for the day when we hit the jackpot.

There are a lot of considerations. First you have to make sure your family doesn't find out. I know, I know, you have a great family, but admit it, there's one or two of them you're kind of shaky on — the ones where the minute they find out you're a multimillionaire, they'll be at the door, telling you about a great chance to invest in a franchise for a fast-food clam restaurant and asking if you could just see your way to loan them a few hundred thou.

You also have to worry about friends and neighbors. You have only a couple of options here. One, you could move to a rich neighborhood, but as we all know, millionaires are really unlikable. They try to be nice, but then they'll say something like, "The fellow who details my car each week is such a nice chap, but he missed a spot last week and I had to fire him." Or "Why are all these people worried about that 'recession' business?" and you'll just want to pop them one in the nose. Popping someone in the nose is unseemly and will quickly lose you friends in the millionaire community.

If you stay in your own barely acceptable neighborhood (don't be offended — you know it's true), you'll have to make sure nobody knows you hit the jackpot. Within days, you'll be having people slip and fall on that cracked sidewalk you've been meaning to fix, or just happening to be out for a "walk" when you're backing out of the drive in the morning so you could carelessly run over their toes, while they keep their personal injury lawyer on speed dial. (That's just my personal plan if one of my neighbors wins the lottery. You come up with your own.)

Everybody has their own personal "bite me!" number. That's the level of money you'd need to win that would cause you to walk into work, empty out your pencil can, pull the pictures of your kids off the wall, grab your potted philodendron, and when they ask you where you're going, cheerfully call out, "Bite me!"

Within days, you'd be on some South Seas island where your biggest complaint was that the Brangelina tots next door were straying onto your private beach. You'd ask the head butler to shoo them away so they didn't get hit with any of the solid gold golf balls you were driving off your practice tee into the ocean.

Each person, in fantasizing about the lottery, has to pick his "bite me!" number. It has to be enough so that no matter how many stupid decisions you make (even investments in fast food clam restaurants or a personal injury lawsuit from the Jolie-Pitts), you'll still have enough left over that you won't be forced to go back to the office, philodendron in hand, and beg for your job back.

All this is pure speculation, of course. As I sit here writing, I'm eating a ham sandwich. That wouldn't be relevant to this story except for the fact that when I was making the sandwich a few minutes ago, I noticed that the ham from the supermarket deli had kind of a funny, "off" smell to it. I was going to throw the whole package away when I realized that a) the little printout on the label said we still had two days to go before the sell-by date, and b) this pound of ham cost us six bucks. When I asked my wife if she thought it was still good, she didn't even smell it or check the sell-by date. She just looked at the price tag on the baggie, and then at me, and said, "Eat it!"

Everyone has a different approach. I spend my days wondering about my future net worth, which I fantasize will be around $10 million (after taxes, of course). My wife, on the other hand, is more concerned with my current net value, which seems to be somewhere south of that — right around six bucks.

If you'll excuse me, I have a sandwich to finish.

Syndicated Column by Peter McKay

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32 comments. Last comment 10 years ago by time*treat.
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dallascowboyfan's avatar - chi
Oklahoma
United States
Member #82389
November 12, 2009
6371 Posts
Offline

"All this is pure speculation, of course. As I sit here writing, I'm eating a ham sandwich. That wouldn't be relevant to this story except for the fact that when I was making the sandwich a few minutes ago, I noticed that the ham from the supermarket deli had kind of a funny, "off" smell to it. I was going to throw the whole package away when I realized that a) the little printout on the label said we still had two days to go before the sell-by date, and b) this pound of ham cost us six bucks. When I asked my wife if she thought it was still good, she didn't even smell it or check the sell-by date. She just looked at the price tag on the baggie, and then at me, and said, "Eat it!"

 

LOL..... sounds like me.....Green laughGreen laugh

I Love Pink & Green 1908

    Cletu$2's avatar - Lottery-050.jpg
    S.E.Iowa
    United States
    Member #120498
    December 21, 2011
    534 Posts
    Offline

    I need a $100 million dollars after taxes to tell the world where it can get off.I'll settle for much less,though and just keep my thoughts to myself.

    When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. ~Clarence Darrow

    There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators. ~Will Rogers

      joshuacloak's avatar - mask

      United States
      Member #32536
      February 12, 2006
      711 Posts
      Offline

      656 Million or just over 300m cash Atfer all taxes

      their only been 1 jackpot for that amount,and i wanted it................................

       

       

      but i think i can get away telling world where to put with just 100m cash atfer taxes, so about a 200m jackpot or higher  i say

      will get me to the  screw off world ! level.

      that's when i can have my own pirate jet   ,and go anywhere i want,  any time i want, without having to get treated like the mass sheep at public air ports. etc

      naked body scans, pat downs, Etcetera , no thx, i fly and travel  how very rich do it, ,  and just be like screw the dumb massives, their idiots for allowing oppressive authority over their lifes.

      One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.


        United States
        Member #111437
        May 25, 2011
        6323 Posts
        Offline

        I guess for some, they need money before telling someone off. Doesn't really occur to me, if someone is annoying, I will make my feelings known.   Cussing Face

          Cletu$2's avatar - Lottery-050.jpg
          S.E.Iowa
          United States
          Member #120498
          December 21, 2011
          534 Posts
          Offline

          You are annoying and I don't need a lot of money to tell you that you are annoying.

          When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. ~Clarence Darrow

          There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators. ~Will Rogers


            United States
            Member #111437
            May 25, 2011
            6323 Posts
            Offline

            You are annoying and I don't need a lot of money to tell you that you are annoying.

            Whoops, someone got up on the wrong side of Bed  A good day to you as well Mr. Cletu$2. Your not annoying, just not relevant. Enjoy.  See Ya!

              JonnyBgood07's avatar - Patriots logo1.jpg
              100
              Connecticut
              United States
              Member #61621
              May 29, 2008
              20581 Posts
              Offline

              I need a $100 million dollars after taxes to tell the world where it can get off.I'll settle for much less,though and just keep my thoughts to myself.

              I Agree!

              "No matter how bad things may get, I'd like to thank my middle finger

              for always sticking up for me.."

               


                maximumfun's avatar - Lottery-030.jpg

                United States
                Member #124610
                March 16, 2012
                3713 Posts
                Offline

                The 40M$ j/p from wednesday's game would go along way to getting me to 'buzz off' status... 

                26.5M$ lumpsum... net after taxes and fees and tithe and x,y,z ... about 50%... 13.25M$... 

                i believe i could make do with 13.25M$ after all was said and done...

                  haymaker's avatar - Lottery-012.jpg
                  Egg Harbor twp.south Jersey shore
                  United States
                  Member #112963
                  June 29, 2011
                  4150 Posts
                  Offline

                  10 mils. would do it for me also.

                  No point in thinking about getting my job back,

                  they would'nt take me back even if I left quietly and politely.

                  Extraordinary Popular Delusions & the Madness of Crowds    -- Charles Mackay  LL.D.

                    Guru101's avatar - rw6jhh
                    Indiana
                    United States
                    Member #48723
                    January 7, 2007
                    1961 Posts
                    Offline

                    $3,000,000 after taxes and I'm retired.

                    Gonna win.Big Smile

                      Erzulieredeyes's avatar - spider miss.png
                      Painesville, Ohio
                      United States
                      Member #117713
                      October 12, 2011
                      215 Posts
                      Offline

                      I could live a very comfortable and luxurious lifestyle just on $6,000,000 after taxes. 

                      But to buy all the fancy toys, vacations, and the Mega Mansion and a second home overseas, and to help out immediate family, give to charity and dabble in a business, I would need at least a minimum of $40 million for it to not even phase me.

                       

                      My dream number would be $50,000,000 to $150,000,000 after taxes.

                        KSplayer's avatar - lightening
                        KS
                        United States
                        Member #103002
                        December 29, 2010
                        108 Posts
                        Offline

                        The current MM jackpot would be just fine for me but i wouldn't complain if it was more lol Big Smile

                        DREAMS DO COME TRUE!!!!!!!!!Blue Angel


                          United States
                          Member #122685
                          February 6, 2012
                          368 Posts
                          Offline

                          If you want to live well, $3,000,000 to $5,000,000 after taxes, if you want to live spectactularly, $10,000,000 after taxes. 

                            ttech10's avatar - blobdude
                            Texas
                            United States
                            Member #92326
                            June 5, 2010
                            887 Posts
                            Offline

                            If you want to live well, $3,000,000 to $5,000,000 after taxes, if you want to live spectactularly, $10,000,000 after taxes. 

                            That's why I would take any win in PB or MM. I could do fine with $3m.