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That's OK....I'm a Professional Gambler

Topic closed. 20 replies. Last post 12 years ago by Ms5PennieGen.

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WIN  D's avatar - q05Q0
Stone Mountain*Georgia
United States
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November 2, 2002
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Posted: February 11, 2005, 5:12 pm - IP Logged

 During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"

 

 

The only real failure .....is the failure to try.                               

                              Luck is a very rare thing....... Odds not so much. 

                              Odds never change .....but probability does. 

                                                                                       Win d    

    MADDOG10's avatar - smoke
    Beautiful Florida
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    July 18, 2004
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    Posted: February 11, 2005, 5:37 pm - IP Logged

     IMG alt=ROTFL src= http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_11_6.gif> 


                                                 

                                                   "  When Injustice Becomes Law, Resistance Becomes Duty "

      konane's avatar - wallace
      Atlanta, GA
      United States
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      March 13, 2003
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      Posted: February 11, 2005, 5:46 pm - IP Logged

             

                                                  

      Good luck to everyone!

        emilyg's avatar - cat anm.gif

        United States
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        November 9, 2001
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        Posted: February 11, 2005, 6:15 pm - IP Logged

                                     

        love to nibble those micey feet.

         

                                     

          Avatar
          Nassau
          Bahamas
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          Posted: February 11, 2005, 6:50 pm - IP Logged

          Win D you must have a lot of time on your hand. It was interesting though!

            WIN  D's avatar - q05Q0
            Stone Mountain*Georgia
            United States
            Member #828
            November 2, 2002
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            Posted: February 11, 2005, 7:42 pm - IP Logged

              Yes.  I always take time to form complete sentences regardless of the readership.      

             

             

            The only real failure .....is the failure to try.                               

                                          Luck is a very rare thing....... Odds not so much. 

                                          Odds never change .....but probability does. 

                                                                                                   Win d    

              CARBOB's avatar - FL LOTTERY_LOGO.png
              ORLANDO, FLORIDA
              United States
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              Posted: February 12, 2005, 10:12 am - IP Logged

               

              A big WTG WinD. Very funny.

               Carbob

                Rick G's avatar - avatar 1766.jpg
                FEMA Region V Camp #21
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                Posted: February 12, 2005, 10:22 am - IP Logged

                That was funny Win D.....still laughing.  Gotta remember that one.

                Posted 4/6:  IL Pick 3 midday and evening until they hit:  555, 347 (str8).


                  percygrinder's avatar - bob

                  Bahamas
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                  Posted: February 12, 2005, 10:26 am - IP Logged

                  Lmao this is a real good one thanks for the humour.

                    Avatar

                    United States
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                    Posted: February 12, 2005, 10:37 am - IP Logged

                    LOL!  That was a good one!

                    :-)
                    Dave

                      Toney725's avatar - speedykat
                      Stone Mountain, GA
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                      Posted: February 12, 2005, 10:54 am - IP Logged

                      Win,

                      You are a trip! 

                        Qdg99's avatar - lightening
                        Savannah, GA
                        United States
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                        Posted: February 12, 2005, 11:07 am - IP Logged

                        That was great

                          Todd's avatar - Cylon 2.gif
                          Chief Bottle Washer
                          New Jersey
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                          May 31, 2000
                          23274 Posts
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                          Posted: February 12, 2005, 12:09 pm - IP Logged

                          Awesome! 

                           

                          Check the State Lottery Report Card
                          What grade did your lottery earn?

                           

                          Sign the Petition for True Lottery Drawings
                          Help eliminate computerized drawings!

                            GoArmy's avatar - redcross
                            Waukegan, IL
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                            October 22, 2004
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                            Posted: March 3, 2005, 11:45 am - IP Logged

                            LMAO!!!! You should do stand up.

                              joyjoy8's avatar - friends
                              Houston Texas
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                              November 30, 2000
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                              Posted: March 3, 2005, 11:54 am - IP Logged

                              Still laughing Win..................................Thanks..................................Joy