Yesterday I saw a cousin of mine that I had not seen in years. She's a banker... she works for a very large investment bank. (You've heard of it, it's a famous name on Wall Street but I want to protect my cousin's privacy so I wont say which I-bank she works for)
We got to talking a little bit about banking and some of the interesting things being reported in the financial media these days. For instance we talked about the Equifax data breach etc.
I jokingly told her that if I hit PowerBall for 200 hundred million, I wasn't gonna deposit my new fortune in her bank! I told her I was gonna call up her CEO and tell him they aint gettin' one red cent of my 200 million dollars because SHE works for them! I'm FAMILY so I know what a lunatic she is!! Try explaining THAT to your CEO I told her. She got a huge laugh out of my comments. When we were kids growing up together we always told each other what a lunatic the other was.
Anyway, she got serious for a minute about "high net worth individuals" and how her employer handles them and their millions of dollars. If you've got 30 million or more, then you're considered by her employer to be a "high net worth individual" and they absolutely want to do business with you. BUT!! You cant just call them up cold and say I wanna deposit the 200 million I just won playing PowerBall in your bank." Oh no. You gotta be REFERRED by one of the current high net worth clients! So I asked how the hell can I get a referral when I don't know anybody who is one of your current clients??? Easy! They'll introduce me to one! Then they'll assign one of their "Personal Wealth Managers" to you and away you go! But if you went into her bank, opened a checking account, and told MUSL to wire your 200 million dollars of PB winnings into that account, her bank wont accept the deposit!! Nope. They have to be sure you really do have as much money as you say you do.
The Personal Wealth Manager will be the only person you'll ever speak with at the bank, but he or she will have a team of investment professionals working behind the scenes with them. There's even Psychologist involved. The PWM will ask you to fill out a ten page questionnaire with lots of questions. Your answers will be looked at by the Psychologist, and depending on how you responded to those questions, that will help them decide which investment vehicles are "the best fit for you".
A cranky and cantankerous Old Curmudgeon like me would have a field day answering some of them questions. Especially if I was still feelin' loopy and punch drunk over my big win!
I can see it now;
"Gimme a whole buncha them mortgage backed securities! I aint got a clue what the hell they are, but they sure sound expensive, so get me a big pile of 'em! And while you're at it, get me some of them 'derivatives' too! They sure sound to me like they got sumthin' to do with big money! Call up that Big Fat Fanny Mae and tell 'er I'm comin' over with 100 cases of Twinkies in the trunk of my car! What a time me and Fanny are gonna have stuffin' our faces with them Twinkies." God I cant wait to hit that jackpot! G5