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Something to Offend Everyone

Published:

Well folks, a friend sent this to me and I just could not resist sharing. Oh and if anyone finds it offensive, uhmmm, well the title does forewarn you.

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!



What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan


What is! the difference between

a
Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag


Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.


What do you see when the
Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts?


Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any


What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.


What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.


What's the difference between
a girlfriend and wife?

45 lbs


What's the difference between
a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes


What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.


Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.


Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.


What's the difference between
a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you


What makes men chase women
they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.


Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.


What's the difference between
a porcupine and BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

!

What did the blonde say when
she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"


Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.


Why did OJ Simpson want to
move to West Virginia ?

Everyone has the same DNA.


Why do men find it difficult
to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.


Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

He walks around saying "Yo."


Why do drivers' education
classes in Redneck schools
use the car only on Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because  on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.


Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A different bar.


Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?

They named him "Sum Ting Wong


What would you call it when
an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.


What does it mean when the
flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?

They're hiring.


What's the difference between
a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal
on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".


How do you get a sweet little
80-year-old lady to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!


What's the difference between
a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s....t"


Why is there no Disneyland in China ?

No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
Entry #14

Comments

1.
LOTTOMIKEComment by LOTTOMIKE - October 12, 2006, 11:18 am
lol,funny!!
gotta remember some of those.
2.
angelmComment by angelm - October 12, 2006, 11:30 am
Too funny-copied them down!!
3.
emilygComment by emilyg - October 12, 2006, 1:30 pm
keep them coming - funny!!!!
4.
fjaComment by fja - October 12, 2006, 1:46 pm
Whats the difference between an Ethiopian and a pair of Jeans?
The jeans only have one fly on them!!

Those were some classics you listed!!! funny stuff!
5.
TenajComment by Tenaj - October 12, 2006, 2:05 pm
What do you get when you play a country song backwards.
You get your wife back, your job back, your car back, .....
6.
Rick GComment by Rick G - October 12, 2006, 2:12 pm
SirMetro, those were great! Gave me a good laugh. Thanks.
7.
justxploringComment by justxploring - October 12, 2006, 5:54 pm
I hate ethnic jokes, but I don't see how anyone can find these offensive. I laughed at the very first one and I am still LMAO.
Speaking of the Pillsbury Dough Boy: What did the Pillsbury Dough Boy's girlfriend get when they had sex? A Yeast Infection!

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