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SirMetro's Blog

  • SirMetro's Blog has 122 entries (0 private) and has been viewed 108,642 times.
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August 20, 2015, 5:51 pmIt has been a few days

Every once in a while, I keep coming back here to look around.

I don't play Lottery much and I reckon between Facebook and work and home and the idea I was going to have a garden, well, there just ain't enough weeks in a day anymore.

That said and done, I do hope this finds everyone well and may everyone hit the big jackpot.

Till next time

Your Sir

aka Lamar

Entry #122
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November 7, 2014, 10:56 amJust another one of my thoughts

I have spent most of my adult life not really caring what people thought of me or about me. I have kept people at an arms length from me with the simple and somewhat egotistical view that if it did not directly impact me, it was simply not relevant. Over the years, people have passed through my life and by me that today, I only have a fleeting glimpse of a memory of them. And yes, there are a few who left a lasting impression upon me that I can still recall as if I had just spoken to them.

At work, there is a Lady there who will be retiring on Wednesday next week. And no, I don't think this is bad. However, as myself and a few others ponder a potential gift for her, we sit amazed at how little we know about her. I for one, who have known her for thirty years, have no idea what she likes or dislikes. Of if she has any hobbies or other interests. And there is a part of me that wonders should I feel bad about that? I honestly do not. Let's face it, if I was to meet my neighbors in public, I would not recognize them. But to know so little about someone I have worked around for so long, is that something I should feel bad about? I worked along side one guy for two years and had no idea he was married or had kids. Yet, in a matter of minutes, my Wife had managed to learn his entire history.

How strange it is. Or perhaps how strange I am. I know more about complete strangers online then I do those I have worked along side of for the past thirty years. Thirty years...in the past, that would seem like an eternity. Today, it feels like it was just yesterday. I don't know what to tell you or say to you the reader. I don't know if anyone will actually even read or see this. Just one of the many random thoughts spinning around in my head. Perhaps boring, maybe? Maybe not.

It is commonly said that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. However, I also wonder, is this not also true for relevance?

Entry #121
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November 1, 2013, 12:19 amIt's been a while

I guess when one suggests to their Boss that he allows oneself to actually "do the work he is being paid good money to do", one tends to get really busy when the Boss listens.

I had not realized how long it's been since I have posted here or had much input. With my increased responsibilities at work, just difficult to do much of anything that may require significant thought process.

For those who care, I will be starting to (try) post daily numbers for the Ga Fantasy 5. With payouts starting at $100,000 and 4 numbers worth over $100 plus being able to play it online, just trying out a little system I have hobbled together. I will try to post new numbers each day, who knows, may get lucky and get more then a free ticket.

Now, as for myself, let's see. It seems that it was around 2008 when I last posted a blog. Since that time, I have managed to destroy a Kia Sportage (ok, engine blew up, not my fault), a Chrysler New Yorker (yes, engine also locked up), a Mercury Milan (slammed into a parked car) and a VStar 1300 motorcycle (it took me for a ride down the interstate). And other then a few scratches, scars and aches in places I didn't know could hurt, am still roughly intact. And by some unknown miracle, am still married to the same woman...how she puts up with me, I don't know...perhaps it helps that I do most of the cooking. Am somehow still employed at the same place. How I haven't been fired for sexual harassment or just plain stupidity is beyond me, but then again, I ain't gonna complain. And that about sums it for for the past 5 years. Yeah, bunch of stuff happened in that time span and over time, I may get around to sharing it.

And now, a little bit of humor for you. However, this is not something I swiped, but instead, something I actually did do to a coworker.

For starters, the Company I work for hosts an annual chili cook-off. The Boss funds the winnings from his own pocket. Now as for me, I don't enter the chili cook off. Truth is, the last time I tried to cook chili, I gave up and threw the pot away because it was beyond help. So I contribute with deviled eggs. And I can proudly say that I can take 2 dozen deviled eggs to any where and none are left when the event is over.

Well, anyway, this one particular coworker, truth be told, he is a bit arrogant and occasionally thinks he is above most everyone else. Well, it was about half way thru the lunch, I had fixed a plate and was eating and he came and sit down across from me with his plate and proceeded to eat. He had about 4 or 5 deviled eggs on his plate and was chowing down on his third one. That's when I asked him how was the deviled eggs. With a mouth full, he mumbled that they were pretty good. I then told him that I had made them.

As he begin eating his 4th egg, I told him that I had a cool secret to making the deviled portion of the egg all nice and smooth and shiny. That as I finished each egg, I would lick my finger and trace my dampened fingertip around the top of the deviled egg part to smooth it out and make it nice and shiny. And for most part, each egg took me at least 4 to 5 licks to get them all smooth and even and looking the same. The look on his face was priceless.

BTW...for the record, I actually use a piping bag to put the deviled egg part into the yolks. Simple, clean and no finger licking required. Just finished up 2 dozen for tomorrow's chili cook-off and thought this would be a fun thought to share.

Do hope this finds all doing well.

Your Sir

Entry #120
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May 12, 2008, 3:23 pmThe Sensitive Man

The Sensitive Man  (Another contribution from my friends at MySpace)

A woman meets a man in a bar.

They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment.

She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears, She is quite impressed by his sensitive side but doesn't mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips

He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.

The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?'

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:

 


'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'

Entry #119
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March 4, 2008, 8:42 amBullfrogs & Blow-jobs?

Something funny from my friends at MySpace

----------------------------------------
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.

After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.

She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs!'

'Blow jobs!' the woman replied.

'It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more blow jobs for her!

She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely sceptical and laughed it off!

The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of th e night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.

'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked.

The husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook.......you're gone.

Entry #118
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March 3, 2008, 5:04 pmWho wants Coffee?

Given to me from one of my MySpace Friends

Hope you folks enjoy it as well


When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.


A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full they agreed it was.


The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar .
Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous "yes."


The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.


"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things-your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions—things that if everything else was lost and only they remained your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.

The sand is everything else—the small stuff.

If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.


Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal."


Take care of the golf balls first—the things that really matter.
Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand."


One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Entry #117
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February 18, 2008, 12:31 pmHow to Tell if your Wife is Deaf

Deaf Wife.........


A man feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 f eet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wi fe and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'


(got to love this)


'Frank , for the FIFTH freaking time, CHICKEN!'

Entry #116
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February 18, 2008, 12:27 pmSexual Harrassment

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to her supervisor to file a sexual harassment complaint. She tells the supervisor what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.

The supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, 'What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice'?

The woman replies, 'It's Dan, the dwarf.'

Entry #115
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January 23, 2008, 2:22 pmI Pledge Allegiance

In light of the recent appeals court ruling in California, with respect to the Pledge of Allegiance, the following recollection from Senator John McCain is very appropriate:

"The Pledge of Allegiance" - by Senator John McCain


As you may know, I spent f ive and one half years as a prisoner of war during the Vietnam War. In the early years of our imprisonment, the NVA kept us in solitary confinement or two or three to a cell. In 1971 the NVA moved us from these conditions of isolation into large rooms with as many as 30 to 40 men to a room.

This was, as you can imagine, a wonderful change and was a direct result of the efforts of millions of Americans onbehalf of a few hundred POWs 10 ,000 miles from home.

One of the men who moved into my room was a young man named Mike Christian.

Mike came from a small town near Selma , Alabama He didn't wear a pair of shoes until he was 13 years old. At 17, he enlisted in the US Navy. He later earned a commission by going to Officer Training School Then he became a Naval Flight Officer and was shot down and captured in 1967. Mike had a keen and dee p appreciation of the opportunities thi s country and our military provide for people who want to work and want to succeed.

As part of the change in treatment, the Vietnamese allowed some prisoners to receive packages from home. In some of these packages were handkerchiefs, scarves and other items of clothing.

Mike got himself a bamboo needle. Over a period of a couple of months, he created an American flag and sewed on the inside of his shirt.

Every afternoon, before we had a bowl of soup, we would hang Mike's shirt on the wall of the cell and say the Pledge of Allegiance.

I know the Pledge of Allegiance may not seem the most important part of our day now, but I can assure you that in that stark cell it was indeed the most important and meaningful event.

One day the Vietnamese searched our cell, as they did periodically, and discovered Mike's shirt with the flag sewn inside, and removed it.

That evening they returned, opened the door of the cell, and for the benefit of all of us, beat Mike Christian severely for the next couple of hours, then they opened the door of the cell and threw him in. We cleaned him up as well as we could.

The cell in which we lived had a concrete slab in the middle on which we slept, four naked light bulbs hung in each corner of the room.

As I said, we tried to clean up Mike as well as we could. After the excitement died down, I looked in the corner of the room, and sitting there beneath that dim light bulb with a piece of red cloth, another shirt and his bamboo needle, was my friend, Mike Christian. He was sitting there with his eyes almost shut from the beating he had received, making another American flag. He was not making the flag because it made Mike Christian feel better. He was making that flag because he knew how important it was to us to be able to Pledge our allegiance to our flag and country.

So the next time you say the Pledge of Allegiance, you must never forget the sacrifice and courage that thousands of Americans have made to build our nation and promote freedom around the world

You must remember our duty, our honor, and our country

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."


PASS THIS ON... and on... and on! You can even send it back to me, I don't mind, because its worth reading again

Entry #114
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January 23, 2008, 10:31 amWife 1.0

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities, such asPoker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Going To The Pub 7.5, and Softball 3.6

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my other favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.


Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User.....

_____________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men often complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge, the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings: Alimony-Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background applicationYes Dear 2.7 to alleviate your program problems.

The best course of action is to enter the commandC:..APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance! Wife 1.0 does come with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the programNag Nag 9.5 Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 andDiamonds 5.0

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, installSecretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,
Tech Support

Entry #113
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January 7, 2008, 11:41 amTen Thoughts to Ponder for 2008

Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2008 

(from my friends on MySpace)

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.


Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.


Number 8
Men have two emotions:

Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .


Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.


Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ... Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.


Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.


Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.


Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 ... And a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?


Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.


And The Number 1 Thought For 2008:

We can find out exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and millions of cows in America ... But we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration?


" Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow"

Entry #112
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October 5, 2007, 1:25 pmTime Management

Remember this when you go out to eat at a nice restaurant:

Timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization.

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent.

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.."

Entry #111
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October 3, 2007, 4:17 pmIraqi Terrorist Knows Our Political Leaders

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported,

"I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.

We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife s***bag, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat, left wing liberal drunk.

So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!

He retaliated by yelling, Oh yea. Well, so does Hillary Clinton!

And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."

Entry #110
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September 26, 2007, 6:00 pmIn The South

The South

South Carolina:

The owner of a golf course in South Carolina was confused about paying an invoice,
so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from Clemson and I need some help. 
If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
You gotta love those South Carolina women.
********************************************************

Alabama:

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for  the
day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the
weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked..
"Henry had a stroke of some kind.  He's  a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
" A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
*********************************************************************

Louisiana:

A senior at Louisiana was overheard saying... "When the end of the world
                      comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be
in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than
in  the rest of the civilized world.
****************************************************************

Georgia:

The young man from Georgia came running into the store and said to his
buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was? "The young man answered, "I
couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
****************************************************************

Tennessee:

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked,
"Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
****************************************************************

And My Favorite (NC):

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the
road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of t he car and one
behind  it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as
he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the
fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire." The
passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front
and flares in the back! I never did understand it neither."
********************************************************

You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving North!!
Entry #109
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September 26, 2007, 10:30 amLet's Play Cowboys and Muslims

Cowboys and Muslims 

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in Bozeman, Montana while awaiting their respective flights .


One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show & the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East .


Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.


The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face.


The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few," he sneers, and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"

The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl .

That's cause we ain't played
Cowboys and Muslims yet,
but I do believe it's a-comin'.

Entry #108
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