The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you
 can be in a robe...before you start looking like a mental patient.
 
 My  therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social
 situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.
 
 I  always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.
 Do they just giveyou a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"
 
 The  speed with which a woman says
 "nothing" when asked "What's  wrong?"...is inversely proportional to the severity of the crap storm
 that's coming.
 
 Denny's has a slogan, 'If it's  your birthday, the meal is on us.' If you're in Denny's and it's your
 birthday, your life sucks!
 
 If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" is all I
 need...not all this, "How did you get into my house" business!
 
 The  pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. Pretty sure she's going
 to get me something.
 
 On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a
 week.Whereas, a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a
 year.  This
 is very upsetting news to me. I   had no idea I was  Japanese.
 
 I can't understand why women are okay that JC Penney has an older
 women's clothing line named, "
 Sag Harbor ".
 
 I think  it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of
 tattoos.
 
 What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them pick
 their noses?
 
  Money  can't buy happiness but it keeps the kids in touch!
 
The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody  was married...Andy,
 Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest  T Bass, Helen,
 Thelma Lou, Clara ... And, of course, Opie--all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed
 drunk.