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This is why my Wife does not take me with her shopping

Published:

What do Husbands do while the wife shops & shops & shops
Did you ever wonder what a husband does while he is in a store waiting on his wife to shop?

Dear Mrs. Shopper,

Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us again, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses over the past few months... all verified by our surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in House wares!"..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a camping tent in the sporting goods department, and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the Bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME!, PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

.....and; last, but not least

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Entry #19

Comments

1.
emilygComment by emilyg - October 27, 2006, 12:54 pm
lol - funny!!!
2.
TenajComment by Tenaj - October 27, 2006, 1:43 pm
ILMAO
3.
Toney725Comment by Toney725 - October 27, 2006, 2:41 pm
Sir Metro, that was too funny!!!
4.
Rick GComment by Rick G - October 27, 2006, 8:02 pm
I don't know where you get your material but you are a must read. Thanks for the laughs.
5.
justxploringComment by justxploring - October 27, 2006, 9:22 pm
Number 5 is my favorite. :-)
Althought it was probably normal behavior for this guy, you just reminded me of the night a neighbor asked me to split a pizza. We got to Dominos and he asked the man "Do you need any change?" and then continued to count out about $8 in quarters,   and nickels.
6.
Miss BeeComment by Miss Bee - October 27, 2006, 9:39 pm
Just read all of your blog, have not laughed and cried so much for a long time a very heartfelt thank you for sharing this with us, it's great
7.
Litebets27Comment by Litebets27 - October 27, 2006, 9:54 pm
#5. Reminds me of a trip to Atlantic City with my oldest sister. After going over the menu in one of the Casinos' restaurant she asked the waiter after he asked,"do you have any questions about the menu".
She asked him" do you have lay away". I laughed so hard . The waiter just walked away looking bewildered.
8.
LOTTOMIKEComment by LOTTOMIKE - October 27, 2006, 11:13 pm
very funny.i tell you i hate with a passion going to the store to shop.i'll sit in the van and read a book.i just started keeping a book in the van for that purpose.shopping bores me to tears.....
9.
SirMetroComment by SirMetro - October 29, 2006, 11:57 am
LottoMike...truth be told...I am the shopaholic in my family. My wife detests shopping and gets a headache from the mere threat of it (yeah...I use it as a threat when I get mad with her).

And Rick...I only post the stuff I think that will either pass for G or very light R, the other stuff...well, I just leave it where I find or receive it.

Just...that's no so bad, a few years back...I pulled together pennies to go to a late nite supper (was single at the time as well).

And everyone else...glad you like it...and hopefully...I will keep posting some of the good stuff I come across.
Happy Halloween to All

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