NEWS: Chicago Snowstorm Delays Hundreds Of Shootings

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          Snowstorm In Chicago Delays Hundreds Of Shootings          Jan 7, 2017 

 

 

CHICAGO—The city of Chicago is steadily recovering from an overnight snowstorm that delayed hundreds of shootings on Saturday night and will likely continue to push numerous homicides across the city drastically behind schedule, public authorities announced. 

 

 

“As we speak, maintenance crews are working diligently to restore public transportation, de-ice roads, and clear back alleyways so that Chicagoans can quickly resume shootings again,” Department of Streets and Sanitation spokesman Dave Michelson said of the heavy blizzard, which caused numerous homicide cancellations last night at peak murder times. 

 

 

“Unfortunately, we’re backed up by about 35 deadly shootings at the moment, but we hope to restore regular death tolls as soon as possible.We apologize to anyone forced to postpone shootings or other killings today and assure concerned murderers that they will be able to resume slayings by early Monday afternoon.” At press time, authorities reported that murders were up and running in many parts of the city, with four teenagers already gunned down on Chicago’s South Side. 

Entry #58

Comments

Avatar eddessaknight -
#1
Aside of the snow satire, Chicago really needs helps desperately!
Avatar emilyg -
#2
Yes they need help.   Rahm not interested.

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