HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" -
She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" -
She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" -
She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" -
She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE
INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" -
She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" -
She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" -
She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" -
She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you -
She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" -
She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" -
She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" -
She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY
CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" -
He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE
FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" -
He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" -
He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" -
He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" -
He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" -
He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" -
He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" -
He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" -
He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

10. He is not "HORNY" -
He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out
of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."