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Seasons Greetings (from a Pessimistic Jerk)


May you and Your Family enjoy a safe and merry Christmas and may your New Year be fantastic.
And for those of you who do not celebrate Christmas, may your holiday season be pleasurable and safe.
Sometimes, I think we forget that we as individuals do not always see things the same. Heaven knows I have been told more then once that a color may be "maroon" and not "red", although, I really don't understand the big deal (yeah, I still think its red, so bite me).
But that said and done, once a year, it is considered traditional to sit aside that one day to seek out Peace on Earth and Good Will to man (please disregard the mugger on the street with a gun pointed at you while the mugger tries to take what little change you have on you - I mean for real, who carries cash now that Waffle House takes plastic?).
But seriously, who couldn't smile upon that adoring little child that the pretty Lady beside you are holding (of course, if your really lucky, your deaf and you can not hear the damn brat having a temper tantrum while the mom thinks that asking the spoiled brat to “please be nice now” is the right way to discipline her child, I mean damn, my Mom would have ripped a limb from the bush in the Mall and took it to me if I was like that, oh wait, that explains the beatings I got at the Mall, never mind - lucky damn brats).
And all of those kind hearted souls who stands there ringing the little bell for a little of your kindness in the form of spare change to aide and assist the helpless no matter how bad the weather gets (have you ever noticed just how annoying that little bell is, I mean sheesh, is the requirement for these people to be tone deaf? God bless them cause I know if I was out there, I would be telling all those rich ass-holes that have to spend $500 to fill up their Sumo-Sized SUV that perhaps they could spare an extra hundred or two if they actually walked next door to their neighbor instead of driving that 45 feet and I would have tossed that bell in the trash within the first 5 minutes of me going out there).

And of course, let us not forget those wonderful carolers who go door to door to spread the holiday cheer (but then again, just hold on a minute, I am 41 years old now and I have never ever heard a damn caroler. Just who the hell came up with that damn myth? Oh wait, I keep forgetting about the “You will be shot for trespassing” sign I keep posted out there in front of the mock cemetery with headstones that read “Here Lies Another Jehovah Witness who couldn’t read”, perhaps that is what keeps them away, oh well, never mind).

And finally, all of that warm Family cheer of celebrating the Holiday season together as one big happy family should year after year (of course, don’t forget the clause in the restraining order that allows you to attend family functions as long as your out of arm reach of everyone – I mean they still act offended for me threatening to shoot them instead of their tires the next time they arrived unannounced – like how was I suppose to know it was Family?).

So folks, may you all have an incredible and safe Christmas Season and a fantastic New Year to come (oh yeah, like it’s going to be great, just means I have to find a new place to live so that the IRS doesn’t catch-up with me again – I think they are still mad cause I tried to get out paying by claiming I was an illegal immigrant -  I mean sheesh, they don’t have to pay taxes, why should I?)

Entry #36


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