Forgiving ourselves is the hard part.

The Holy Bible foretold Jesus' crucifixion. Jesus knew what would happen.

My pastor at church made an interesting but true statement. He said the Jews didn't put Jesus on the cross, and the Romans didn't put Jesus on the cross, Jesus put Jesus on the cross. He went on the cross willingly for us.

Mike, you may not feel like a Christian because you have hate in your heart, but you can let Jesus take that hate and turn it into love because of what He did for you. God knew before time what would happen through history even to today, and beyond. If you want, check out the last 2 sermons by Robert Morris at Gatewaychurch.com.

Yes, konane. I wrote this/took those photos over ten years ago and nearly cut out those parts before posting it to my LP blog, but decided to leave it as it is.

About 20 yrs. ago I went with an old girlfriend to a Full Gospel revival meeting in a nearby small town and while I was no stranger to it, it was the most concentrated speaking in tongues I'd ever heard; many of those people would get up and shriek and run around the perimeter of the interior of the church waving their arms, speaking in a nonsensical language...babbling, actually. They'd sit down as if in a trance and someone else would interpret what they had just said. The evangelist was a black woman, a nice looking middle aged woman, a charismatic speaker who, at the end of her sermon called for sinners to come up and be cleansed.

My lady friend whispered to me that she wanted to go, but didn't want to go alone. Come with me, she pleaded. No, I told her, I wasn't going to. I was reminded of the time just a couple weeks earlier when she didn't want to go with me to a new Japanese steak house in Amarillo when she found out we'd be sitting in front of a grill with other people, watching the chef prepare out meals. I SO wanted to see that fancy knife work for which those hibachi chefs are renowned. She wouldn't do THAT, yet NOW wants to get up front before God and everybody else? Each time she'd ask me I'd petulantly say "Nope." Anyway....I relented and went up with her.

We were the last of about ten or so people who were standing before the preacher and she would loudly pray in front of each one and while she did that, some of the people in the congregation would also speak in tongues at the same time, some of the women getting up and shrieking, then collapse back down onto the pew, their tongues hanging out after "fainting", their eyes quivering in their sockets. They'd "come to" in just a few seconds, and start their chanting all over again. The minister was visibly annoyed at the competition for the attention and commanded them to be quiet, so they were. Wow. I did not know speaking in tongues had an on/off switch.

After the preacher prayed in front of each one, she'd whack them in the head with the butt of her palm Benny Hinn-style and they'd fall down...like, as I remember thinking, a sack of "crap". One older woman around my own age convulsed so much I thought she might be swallowing her tongue and I was tempted to go see to her, then I noticed her eyes; they were mostly scrunched tight, but every now and then she'd open them up and furtively peek around to see if anyone else was paying attention to her. (at least that was my impression)

There were some men behind the line of us standing up there, ready to catch anyone who keeled over a little too enthusiastically but when they got to that older woman I mentioned, they took preemptive action and started lowering her to the ground as soon as she got the head slap. I am sorry, but failed to mention the woman was 350 lbs. if she was an oz. It was all they could do to let her down easy.   I was biting my tongue to keep from laughing. You gave your soul in service to God, He gives you a hernia in return.

The person right before my friend and I was a young lady, maybe 18, at least I hoped she was. She was wearing a short skirt and while I'm certainly no prude, I thought it was a little inappropriate for church. When she got the palm on her forehead, the two men eagerly lowered her to the ground, one copping an obvious feel to her ample bosom as he helped her to a prone position. Her skirt was hiked up well up to her upper thighs and I could not help but admire her shapely legs, but tried to not be obvious about sneaking peeks.

By that time, the evangelist had come to my lady friend, who was shaking like a dog passing a peach seed and I wasn't sure if it was from fright or anticipation. A few seconds later, she too received the holy head slap and the two men very nearly didn't catch her as she went backwards; they, like me, were looking at the young lady's legs, but they stopped just in time to catch my friend and gently lower her down. As I watched, the young woman opened up her right eye, gave a furtive Mona Lisa smile and winked at me!

So, it was my turn. I think the preacher knew from the expression on my face what was in store for her with ME and leaned in and pulled me close to her body, almost in a lover's type hug and whispered   in my ear "You have to forgive yourself before God will forgive you." I leaned in whispered back "BS. That's not how I read it in the Bible." And that's true; all I need(ed) to do is to accept HIS forgiveness. Taken aback, she didn't even attempt the palm shot on me, thankfully. I picked up my friend and the two men ignored everyone else to help up the young lady, who made sure to wink at me again while getting up.   Little tease.

After about another fifteen minute prayer, the meeting came to the end and we went out to the car and my friend asked me what I thought and that she felt so good. I started to crack wise about how glad I was that she got a little soap in her hole, er... hope in her soul but didn't.   I did tell her I felt like I was surrounded by evil spirits....and I did. Maybe I was the only evil one in the place that night, but I still remember that feeling. I think there's something good and Holy in quiet, respectable worship, singing His praises and there's the other less good type, like the three-ring circus we had just witnessed.

To sum up, I have "forgiven myself" for many things I've done, but better than that, have asked forgiveness from many of those people I've wronged. "Many", not "all". The rest I do not care about and most likely never will care about their forgiveness. In fact, they should be asking ME for forgiveness, but I don't care about that, either. There are much more important things in life than to dwell on those petty slights.

Yes, music, Jesus was quoting Psalm 22 from the OT. He knew what His fate was going to be.

Do you remember that Guess Who song "Hang On To Your Life"? They reference the verses after that one in Psalms:

They gaped upon me with their mouths
As a ravening and a roaring lion
I am poured out like water
And all my bones are out of joint
My heart is like wax
It is melted in the midst of my bowels
My strength is dried up like a potsherd
And my tongue cleaveth to my jaws
And thou has brought me into the dust of death

The story behind the song, if true, is very interesting.

Yes, I agree with that, rcb, that Jesus went willingly. He was fulfilling the prophecy in Psalms of the OT and quoted it from the cross.

I've tried that, but there's been no change in my heart. No snark intended, but maybe He wants me to continue to be a warrior against the evil we're up against? I dunno.   I really don't have much of a problem with that in particular, only calling myself a Christian. We cannot be like Christ, I think that's impossible. None of us are born perfect; it's the quest for perfection, our life-long attempt to walk in Jesus' path, that makes us Christians.

That's where I run into that snag; I cannot forgive the enemies of our country. Like Jesus and the moneylenders, I want to throw them out of the country..."cleanse the temple". I waver between my hard heart being a sin and it being righteous anger.

Thanks for your comment and concern, though; I do appreciate both .

Wow mit, what interesting posts/stories. I commend you for putting up the good fight yet I understand the fight between good and evil. I too, struggle with sin and christianity.

Oh and these pictures are good to see but oh so heartbreaking. Thank you.

Forgiving ourselves is the easy part, forgiving others is the hardest of all.
You're not good nor bad, it's just the nature of the beast inside.

How very true maddog

Thanks, lejardin.

I agree, MADDOG. I haven't done a whole lot in life that I truly regret, just often wish I had done things differently. I do regret putting some of the lines on my mother's face as well as adding to the gray hairs on her head, I regret that most of all, I think.   Most of my regrets are from things I did not do, a course of action I did not take, not doing the right thing rather than things I did do. Most of those turned out to be life lessons and I *mostly* did not repeat those mistakes.

Except for women, but that's a whole 'nuther category of regret. If I had known then what I know now....<wink>

I cannot forgive the leftists who want to fundamentally change this country...because whether they realize it or not, it is for the worse. They are unrepentant of their words and actions, so why should I forgive them? They'll have to have a fundamental change of heart before I will let them off the hook.