I've NEVER let what anyone said or thought about me change what I was going to do or who I am. I never will. My mom used to scream at me from the bleachers when I played center field WAY back in elementary school. I'd run to right field to catch the fly balls the right fielder wouldn't run down. I can remember well telling her to hush and let me be. I was not going to let that ball hit the ground, I didn't care if he stood there or not. It's who I am. I'm way more stubborn than anyone needs to be for sure. In my mind if I'm not that way, then my life is some other persons choices and I just can't allow that. I don't bend to peer pressure AT ALL! I hear advice and take it into consideration after running thru it's possibilities. My brain is a possibility machine. It always has been. It doesn't just look at a way to achieve or an option. It runs thru all ways and options. I can't help it. My brain is, um, it's one of those that keeps one up at night when the body is absolutely wore out. There are times I wish it wasn't.

I don't work like it's a job. I work like it's playing. It seems like playing to me. I like to do all the stuff that others don't want to or can't. Even if I don't know how to do it, I have to know how. I want to know how to do whatever and usually find the way. I like to get dirty and bleed when working. It makes me feel more like I've earned my money. Two of my favorite things to do is use a shovel and swing an axe. I love digging. Even with these wore out knees and once broken ankle. I once had a guy leave a job site and come back with his wife and some friends just to watch me dig. He told me he did. I don't know if anyone knows what a Wisteria bush is, but let me tell ya, does it spread. And the roots go deep. Some extremely dirty and very bloody hands it came up though. Need some wood for the winter? Give me a truck load, a chainsaw, an axe and a day and you'll be set. I just love it. It's like exercise to me.

I like crawling thru that hole, under that house or twisting my body around in ways it shouldn't to get in there to whatever needs welded, pull that wire that needs ran or fix that plumbing leak. Especially if it means saving someone extra money from tearing a wall down and having to put it back. It's fun to me. When I'm working on something or fixing something, I never have that "I can't" do something in my head. Once me and another friend was turning a Western Star semi into a dump truck for another friend. We had to take the 5th wheel hitch off of it to install the hydraulic arm to raise the bed. My friend was going to go thru all this rig a ma row extra to get that hitch off. I told him I'd just pick it up and get it off there to save time. It wasn't like we was getting paid for this. lol. Some cheeseburgers from McDonalds was our pay. He said it was impossible. I was at my biggest then. 5'7" about 175 pounds. There is about an 8 inch crack in the concrete floor where that hitch landed. It saved hours. And blew his mind.

Our bodies are capable of so much more than our minds allow us to believe. So it's not any different for our minds to be capable of more than we believe.

These games though. I know inside me there is a way. There is no doubt in me it can be done, so what is the difference. To me, they are ran by people. It's not the same as picking up something heavy or getting into a spot the body shouldn't be able to. The human involvement and human nature of greed is the only difference in making it happen in my mind. It's like petting on a puppy. You pet on it and it loves it and feels so good to it. It's getting attention paid to it. It doesn't take long for it's brain to go haywire from those signals in it's brain and it wants to start biting and acting crazy. All brains work the same. To a certain degree. We start seeing what we're working on actually working and our brain can't process the fact. It feels so good to us, we start losing that focus. There have been times when I just see a number and my brain, instinct, intuition whatever it is just told me that number is going to be drawn and it was. Times when I would be working on the numbers and that number just told me it was one of the ones. Sometimes I chose it, other times that brain signal went crazy and talked me out of it. SO to me, BELIEVING has as much to do with it as anything. It's what the Bible tells us about. Our God above tells us all about it and what it's capable of. Faith. It's what makes it happen. It's the difference in guessing and knowing. Lack of it is what keeps us from winning. I can't think of any other way that would explain doing or not doing anything. There is no way I should have been able to pick that hitch up with the size I was. I didn't doubt it though. I knew it was coming up from there. When "that number" gets in my mind and I know it's coming, it does. If I get too much on my brain or see too much at once, I turn into that puppy. 

I can't even count the times that I've checked what happened with my work and wandered why I didn't choose that way. I saw it before without the new data in it and knew it then and just didn't. Then see it with the new data in it and want to kick myself in the head for not listening. I've looked at this work and done it enough that I know what it's going to do, yet my mind talks me right out of it. If I was digging thru these books with a shovel I would have nothing but nubs left for hands I've dug so much. I'm stubborn enough to keep digging thru it till I find what it is I may or not be missing. I had to dig thru all of it to find out what did and didn't work. Once digging thru all of it was done though, it helped slow down the puppy brain syndrome. It made it simpler to see. I know how what I've got works. I know what to look for. So now it's only a matter of ......