Greenfox's Blog

I've NEVER let what anyone said or thought about me change what I was going to do or who I am. I never will. My mom used to scream at me from the bleachers when I played center field WAY back in elementary school. I'd run to right field to catch the fly balls the right fielder wouldn't run down. I can remember well telling her to hush and let me be. I was not going to let that ball hit the ground, I didn't care if he stood there or not. It's who I am. I'm way more stubborn than anyone needs to be for sure. In my mind if I'm not that way, then my life is some other persons choices and I just can't allow that. I don't bend to peer pressure AT ALL! I hear advice and take it into consideration after running thru it's possibilities. My brain is a possibility machine. It always has been. It doesn't just look at a way to achieve or an option. It runs thru all ways and options. I can't help it. My brain is, um, it's one of those that keeps one up at night when the body is absolutely wore out. There are times I wish it wasn't.

I don't work like it's a job. I work like it's playing. It seems like playing to me. I like to do all the stuff that others don't want to or can't. Even if I don't know how to do it, I have to know how. I want to know how to do whatever and usually find the way. I like to get dirty and bleed when working. It makes me feel more like I've earned my money. Two of my favorite things to do is use a shovel and swing an axe. I love digging. Even with these wore out knees and once broken ankle. I once had a guy leave a job site and come back with his wife and some friends just to watch me dig. He told me he did. I don't know if anyone knows what a Wisteria bush is, but let me tell ya, does it spread. And the roots go deep. Some extremely dirty and very bloody hands it came up though. Need some wood for the winter? Give me a truck load, a chainsaw, an axe and a day and you'll be set. I just love it. It's like exercise to me.

I like crawling thru that hole, under that house or twisting my body around in ways it shouldn't to get in there to whatever needs welded, pull that wire that needs ran or fix that plumbing leak. Especially if it means saving someone extra money from tearing a wall down and having to put it back. It's fun to me. When I'm working on something or fixing something, I never have that "I can't" do something in my head. Once me and another friend was turning a Western Star semi into a dump truck for another friend. We had to take the 5th wheel hitch off of it to install the hydraulic arm to raise the bed. My friend was going to go thru all this rig a ma row extra to get that hitch off. I told him I'd just pick it up and get it off there to save time. It wasn't like we was getting paid for this. lol. Some cheeseburgers from McDonalds was our pay. He said it was impossible. I was at my biggest then. 5'7" about 175 pounds. There is about an 8 inch crack in the concrete floor where that hitch landed. It saved hours. And blew his mind.

Our bodies are capable of so much more than our minds allow us to believe. So it's not any different for our minds to be capable of more than we believe.

These games though. I know inside me there is a way. There is no doubt in me it can be done, so what is the difference. To me, they are ran by people. It's not the same as picking up something heavy or getting into a spot the body shouldn't be able to. The human involvement and human nature of greed is the only difference in making it happen in my mind. It's like petting on a puppy. You pet on it and it loves it and feels so good to it. It's getting attention paid to it. It doesn't take long for it's brain to go haywire from those signals in it's brain and it wants to start biting and acting crazy. All brains work the same. To a certain degree. We start seeing what we're working on actually working and our brain can't process the fact. It feels so good to us, we start losing that focus. There have been times when I just see a number and my brain, instinct, intuition whatever it is just told me that number is going to be drawn and it was. Times when I would be working on the numbers and that number just told me it was one of the ones. Sometimes I chose it, other times that brain signal went crazy and talked me out of it. SO to me, BELIEVING has as much to do with it as anything. It's what the Bible tells us about. Our God above tells us all about it and what it's capable of. Faith. It's what makes it happen. It's the difference in guessing and knowing. Lack of it is what keeps us from winning. I can't think of any other way that would explain doing or not doing anything. There is no way I should have been able to pick that hitch up with the size I was. I didn't doubt it though. I knew it was coming up from there. When "that number" gets in my mind and I know it's coming, it does. If I get too much on my brain or see too much at once, I turn into that puppy. 

I can't even count the times that I've checked what happened with my work and wandered why I didn't choose that way. I saw it before without the new data in it and knew it then and just didn't. Then see it with the new data in it and want to kick myself in the head for not listening. I've looked at this work and done it enough that I know what it's going to do, yet my mind talks me right out of it. If I was digging thru these books with a shovel I would have nothing but nubs left for hands I've dug so much. I'm stubborn enough to keep digging thru it till I find what it is I may or not be missing. I had to dig thru all of it to find out what did and didn't work. Once digging thru all of it was done though, it helped slow down the puppy brain syndrome. It made it simpler to see. I know how what I've got works. I know what to look for. So now it's only a matter of ......

I set back on here, and watch alot of the stuff that is said and posted. And I try to keep quiet about it. Not that I'm afraid of any kind of confrontation. Just because i despise arguing. It accomplishes nothing. Arguing is the biggest waste of time i know of. For what time people spend arguing, they could have done had something figured out and done about what they where arguing about. I don't argue. At all. If it's with a female, I'm walking away. With a man, well that's a different story. It won't be an argument, is all I'll say about that. But the thing I hate more than arguing is negativity. That is, to me, the worst thing for the world. But, it's necessary. Without negativity, we'd probably just all be content at whatever. The negativity is like fuel on the fire. I don't agree with it, but that's the way it is. I'd much rather it be everyone helping one another and standing along side helping. Or atleast, showing the other some positivity. Unfortunatley that isn't the case as much as it need be.

Negativity in the world, as i see it, is like the school yard bully. But the bullies, are usually just scared inside of something. Something has happened to them, usually, that makes them the way they are. Sometimes they are just butt's. That's the one's that just need rolled around on the ground a little. The others that have had something happen to them, well, they should know how it feels and want to change it for someone else. I just don't understand being negative. I know that's not just me. There are plenty that probably feel the same way. Even if something is impossible, which i don't personally believe anything is impossible, why set and tell that person they can't? I mean, we live in a world where the possibilites are endless. They just are. It's been proven time and time again that it's possible. For me, I'm one of those that, if you tell me i can't do something. I'm going to do it. Some way, some how. So any negativity sent my direction, well, your just going to find out that it's not my time your wasting. I've been told i can't do something more than my share. And whatever it's been thus far, has been proven wrong. Which is really odd, because I'm always the one telling others they can do anything. Short of telling someone, sure, if you wanna go out and hurt someone, you can do it. I'm talking about positive things. The only thing stopping anyone from doing anything is themselves. That's it. There is a crack in a 6 inch concrete poured floor from a near 500 pound fifth wheel off the back of a dump truck right now because i was told i couldn't move it. It was throwed. I'm only 175 pounds. I've seen too much to know that something can't be done. There is no can't. Only won't. That's it. Period.

So negativity is just a part of life. It being a bad thing, can sure help a good thing. If you let it.

Need to take a break from the numbers for a minute, so thought I'd do a little blogging here.

I was a straight A student up until the time my parents split. That was when i was 11. (Keep that number in mind.) After that i didn't much care about schooling and what it had to offer. I went cause i had to pretty much. Quit school in the 11th grade. My old Elementary principal actually cried when he found out i had quit. Said i was the smartest kid that ever went there so i didn't quit because i was dumb or anything. I just saw how my highschool, like most i suspect, only cared about you if you played sports and brought in ticket sales. That's pretty much what it boiled down to where i went. Not that i didn't play sports. I just wasn't going to play to fill their pockets. And not because i didn't like sports. I love sports and have always played. But i quit none the less.

Dad passed when i was 29. (Remember that 11 when they split? The quitting in the 11th grade?) It was on the 17th of August when he passed. He was 47. (11 again). My b-day is on the 28th. That's 11 days before. One year later and 4 days to be exact, my aunt passed. That was on the 21st of August. That was 7 days before my B-day. My aunt was like a second mom. (Her sister). The woman I've been with for going on 6 years now, lost here dad right at a year ago now. We where both 37. She was about to turn 38. Her B-day is the exact same day of the month as mine. Hers is 2-28-74 and mine is 8-28-74. We're exactly 6 months apart. You don't think about it at the time, but looking back and seeing all the similarites, some times i just wander if it means anything or if it's just the way it is.

All the 11's or 2 from the 11. My birth year as 10 and 11. (19 74). The day as 10 or 1. I mean, there has to be something to all that, right? There is just too many similarites there for it not to be i would think.

And, no, I'm not insane. LOL. A little crazy like everyone else. But not insane. Just thinking is all. Anyone that says they are totally sane, well, they're just lying. Cause i don't know anyone that isn't a little crazy. But, I'm not into name calling or putting anyone or anyone's thoughts or ideas down. I don't care for stuff like that.

I talk about Religion some on here. But I don't go to church. I love my Lord, and talk to Him pretty much every day, but I'm no "you gotta repent", "your going anywhere" kind of person. It doesn't matter to me what anyone believes or does. I don't care for judging people either. I judge myself and that's it. I'm harder on myself than anyone else could be i promise that. Just wanted to throw that up here. Don't know why. I guess, cause i figure you can talk about religion without it meaning your some religious nut. People don't seem to think they can have a conversation about religion or much of anything anymore for some reason. It always turns into some sort of argument and/or name calling. And i don't argue or name call. Just don't care for it.

Well, that's a little anyway. Just thought I'd try to get some things off my mind. That's what bloggin is isn't it? Kind of like free therapy. LOL.