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New Male/Female ATM Instructions


A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."


1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and r eceipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.



Unfortunately, most of this part is the truth!!!!

01. Drive up to cash machine.
02. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
03. Set parking brake, put the window down.
04. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
05. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
06. Attempt to insert card into machine.
07. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
08. Insert card.
09. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of chequebook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

Entry #64


takeitezComment by takeitez - March 21, 2007, 11:14 am
And, mix in with all of that: brush hair twice, take at least 3 sips from some giant size diet drink, change the music twice, then drive about 10 feet --stop and put on seat belt.

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