Joke of the day: Rules of Being a Guy

• Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
• Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
• No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (in fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional).
• When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
• It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
• Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
• Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
• If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem you didn't see nothin'.
• Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
• You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
• Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a buddy of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
• Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
• You cannot rat out a coworker who shows up at work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is broken, and have him paged over the loudspeaker every seven minutes.