Top 24 Signs Your Company is Planning a Layoff

24. Your performance-related bonus: grocery coupons from last Sunday's paper.

23. The rats in the cafeteria are mumbling, "We're outta here."

22. Printed at the bottom of your paycheck: "Tune in next time for the shocking finale."

21 The receptionist has started asking visitors, "Do you want fries with that?"

20 Last year's Christmas party was held in the parking lot, where you were served Rice-a-Roni and Kool Aid.

19. The bank suggests that instead of creating new or better products, the company raise money with a bake sale.

18. Your ads read, "We lost less than Nick Leeson."

17. The CEO tries to cover business lunches with food stamps.

16. The CEO's latest plan for raising venture capital: goes to Wall Street with a Styrofoam cup and a sign reading, "Wife and 400 employees to support."

15. Stationery cabinet now stocked with large "Property for sale or rent" signs!

14. CEO frequently overheard mumbling, "Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Moe."

13. Dr. Kervorkian hired as "Transition Consultant."

12. Windows shutdown screen reads, "It's Now Safe to Start Looking for Work."

11. Company softball team down-sized to chess team.

10. Sudden proliferation of teen-age geek interns.

9. Your boss keeps asking you when he can "show your cubicle."

8. Company president now driving a Hyundai.

7. Annual company holiday bash moved from Sheraton banquet room to abandoned Fotomat booth.

6. Old Milwaukee is beer of choice at company picnics.

5. Guard at front desk nervously fingers his revolver whenever you pass by.

4. Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.

3. Babes in Marketing suddenly start flirting with dorky personnel manager.

2. Employee Discount Days discontinued at Ammo Outlet.

1. Company dental plan now consists of pliers and string.