I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said, "No, one drag is enough."

"I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner."

Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra

Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?
They all have phones.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

A penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight.

Always remember you're unique just like everyone else.

Mosquitoes dislike citronella because it irritates their feet.

Contrary to popular belief, dogs do not sweat by salivating. They sweat through the pads of their feet.

You're more likely to be a target for mosquitoes if you consume bananas.