KFC Sales
A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change "The Lord's Prayer" from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused his offer.

Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the man's generous offer. Another week later, the man offered the Pope 20 million dollars and finally the Pope accepted. The following day, the Pope said to all his officials, "I have some good news and some bad news. 'The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!'''

Sensitive Pope
The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tutti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind.

A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed that the Pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind.

The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tutti Homini, et Tutti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.

The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope.
They said that they noticed that he blessed man kind and woman kind, and asked if he could also bless gay people.

The Pope said, "Sure".

The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tutti Homini, et Tutti Femini, et Tutti Fruiti."

Lottery
A guy gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and says, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The wife says, "Wow! That's great! I'm so happy! Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?"

He says, "I don't care. Just get the hell out!"

3 nuns
Three nuns walking down the street. First nun says to the second nun, " I found condoms in Father O'Malley's dresser!". The second nun says,"Yes, I know so I put holes in them using a needle." The third nun faints.

Dentist joke. ---   Sounds like a lousy dentist. Sounds as if the relationship didn't include any drilling, just a lot of pulling.

The residents of a southern town keep falling down a deep hole in the middle of the sidewalk on Main Street and always end up dying because the nearest hospital is 40 miles away. The mayor calls a town meeting to address the issue and asks for suggestions.

“We need our own hospital!” says one local.

“That’s beyond our budget,” answers the mayor. “Anyone else?”

“I gots a perfect idea,” says another redneck. “Just dig the hole next to the hospital.”