Here I am, second night in a row and I can't get to sleep. Last night it was after 1 am before I was able to drift off to la la land. And none of my wakefulness is in any way connected to the lottery or the fact that I haven't hit squat in the longest time. But I have done some thinking about the current problems going on with my situation and whether or not winning some major jackpot would solve these problems or not.

First off I should count the blessings that I have now. I believe in God and I consider myself to be "born again." That alone makes the current situation seem much less insurmountable than it would have a few years ago. Second I have a wonderful husband who loves me with all his heart. I have two wonderful children, the most wonderful in the world in my opinion. I also have a pretty cool step-daughter.

I have two nieces and a nephew who are wonderful kids too, second only to my own. LOL. I have one brother with whom I get along famously for the most part. Not that we haven't had a few squabbles but they have been rare. This brother is married to a great lady whom I think is the best thing that ever happened to him. We also get along for the most part. I have a second sister in law who is also my best friend. I feel that she has been loyal every since we started hanging around together which was about 17 years ago. I have a wonderful cousin who has taken me under her wing since my mom was killed.

Other more material blessings include my home and my great land lords. They are the greatest. Don't hear that too often, huh? There is always food in my pantry. There are enough clothes in my closet. Financially, we are not the best off but we aren't really suffering too bad either. We have been able to pay off 20k in debt in the last 2 years. And I am sure that we will be completely debt free within 5 years or less if we continue on this track. This is without a lottery win of any substance.  

Now for the curses and how I think a lottery win would take care of them. My first curse is smoking. I have always said that one of the first things I would do if I won a decent jackpot is to undergo hynosis to quit. This doesn't mean I would but I would still have more money to look for several different ways to do this. I just don't have the will power to go cold turkey. I would be able to buy a house rather than continuing to rent. I would be able to buy my dream car (Volvo x80). I would be able to move out of this God forsaken county I live in. The hubby and I are discussing either Alaska or Tennessee. I would be able to send my kids to a private school. I would be able to have a surgery which I need.

The last thing a lottery win would do would allow me to be able to get away from the influence of my middle brother once and for all. 99% of my problems stem back to this horrible piece of humanity. I am convinced that he is possessed by the devil. And it seems that no matter what I do to try and get him out of my life, he seems to find a way to finagle his way back in. The latest piece of his handy work involved him trying to implicate my husband in some illegal activity. And I have won a trip to court Monday concerning this mess. Brother number 3 is furious with me for trying to protect my husband rather than brother number 2. What a big mess.

I think that the vast majority of this will be accomplished even if I don't win a big jackpot but i do think that a big jackpot would allow me to take care of everything now. I'm not too patient. Now I just need for God to lead me to the correct set of numbers.