" A conclusion is only a place where you got tired of thinking.

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"There are three kinds of people....Those who can count and those who can't!!!!....

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A sign at the front door of bootcamp.  " The beatings will continue until morale improves".

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Aspen Colorado.....Small town....For every child born....a guy leaves.....

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Why is Bin Laden running? Seventy-two virgins?... I would have a huge target right on my chest.

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A guy driving down the road sees two penguins along side. He puts them in the back seat. As he's driving into a gas station the attendant notices the penguins in the back seat and asks the driver...what's up with the two penguins in the back seat?

The driver tells the attendant what happened. The attendant replied .....Why don't you take them to the zoo?

The driver replied....I did....later i'm taking them to the beach.

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Did you hear Fed-ex and UPS are merging?......Their new name is Fed-Up! 

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Top eleven inevitable things that can happen, in any given movie.................................................

 

Number ten.....It doesn't matter if you are heavily out-numbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a thrusting manner until you have knocked out their predeccessor.

Number nine.....Honest and hardworking policemen are traditionally gunned-down, 3 days before their retirement.

Number eight......Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication system of any invading alien society.

Number seven....All grocery bags contain atleast one stick of french bread............................

Number six.....Rather than wasting bullets, meglamaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery, involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers,and man eating sharks, which will allow their captives atleast a half an hour to escape.

Number five................A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating...but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

Number four....If a large plane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

Number three...............If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing wear.

Number two....Even driving down a perfectly straight road, it is neccessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from right to left every few moments

Number one........A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty....

And the top eleventh inevitability........All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when the're going to go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.

Ta Da!!!!

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive???......Cause she was a woman..............................................

The U.S. government held a poll to see what people say right before an accident. 89% of the people said: Oh @#%&......94% of Texans said: Hold my beer. Watch this!!