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I Don't Know.


I really hate my life. I've been out of work for over a year, lost my car, my Dad has prostate cancer and will be going in for treatment soon. I'm 26 and I haven't done anything I set out to do in life and it sucks. I hate this stuff so much. I have one grandfather left...on my Dad's side and one grandmother left on my Mom's side. My grandfather is ill and I know it sounds selfish...but I wanted to have children and have them meet they're great grand parents...it really sucks. Sometimes I feel like giving up all hope. Everytime I try and do something...something else get's in my way, or I get in the way. I know what to do know that I didn't before, but I don't have the means to do anything about it. And with my Dad being ill now, life doesn't seem so great. Sometimes I just hope for a miracle.

Entry #8


hypersoniqComment by hypersoniq - July 18, 2004, 1:42 pm
rather than get overwhelmed, re-align your goals into smaller, achievable steps.
means = money... put all else aside and seek employment... after 11 months of unemployment and a really crappy job for 17 months after that, I was where you are now... only I'm 35 now... harder to find a job, I have 3 kids to raise, my wife works hard also. I had to give up on what I wanted to do (Computers, I had gone for training and have a ton of certifications, but there Are no jobs, the sent them all to india :-(   ). I had to swallow my pride and go back to being a machinist... we had to declare bankruptcy... that was more of a relief than anything.
Life DOES suck ,it always seems others are conspiring to keep us down (you are aware that NAFTA seems hellbent on eliminating the U.S. middle class)... but if I give up, then they win... I'll not have that! I will keep plugging away.
My one goal since age 6 was to become a private pilot... ain't gonna happen unless I win the lottery. That doesn't mean I can't get practice on the PC with Microsoft Flight Sim tho... ;-)
My layoff was because the job I was doing great in was shipped lock-stock and barrel to mexico. I was planning on building a home recording studio. I now will be happy to replace my guitar this year for my birthday in november (I have the same old beat up 6 string since I was in a bar band in my 20's it needs to be replaced, work interruptions kept getting in the way...) I hate being back in a machine shop, but the checks don't bounce, I AM good at it, and it was an achievable smaller goal.
If someone doesn't hate their life, then they are either rich or a bit loopy... this is the human condition. Hang in there, don't give up. I don't plan on ever giving up. ;-)
and good luck on the numbers games... just remember that they are games and people who need to win don't usually win. play for fun and hope for a pleasant surprise.
MetroPlexComment by MetroPlex - July 19, 2004, 12:53 pm
It's not about not having money or anything...I've been poor all my life, it doesn't bother me...it is all the other stuff, family members dying, people my age already are married and have kids...I don't have a live and every effort I make at having one fails. 5 times in my life I should have died...but I'm still here and I don't know why?

psykomoComment by psykomo - July 19, 2004, 6:31 pm
MP...things will get better. At 26, it is to early to be looking for a miracle. (YOU are a miracle, including all of your family, no matter how you may feel now.) They are still here, but maby not all of them, sorry, thats LIFE. When the goinging gets rough, the tough gets going! I think you are tougher and BETTER than MOST of us. YOU are a good writer, I think! You could take a lot of pictures with one of those throw away cambras. Start a scrap book and include some pictures of all those love ones. Take pictures of other things too. You may be a writer(author) or a great photographer, maby both!! One thing for certain, not one will ever forget, when you record family history for all, including maby a future family of your own. Spend some time at the library.....sounds silly, I know, but it sounds like you have been put here for a PURPOSE.(sorry, I can't tell you exactly what)HELL....(I.. mean, HELLO!) I got married, when I was 33 and have 3 kids now! Heard a song with words like...you aunt a kid at thirty-three. Yes, I'm an old HIPPIE, I guess, was...still AM! That was before your time. Times change, believe me and I know you will do great, no matter what you do!   Have old friends who went to Alaska, I thought about it...too. They got back, doing OK, got married back in the states. Great Luck,..(you will make that LUCK.....I really KNOW!!!!)    Psykomo
ONEDAYComment by ONEDAY - July 19, 2004, 10:14 pm
I notice you mention about playing a bible verse, but actually the Bible has all the answers to a good life...start reading and praying!

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