You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.

There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

Fewer than half of your cars run.

Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.

The primary color of your car is "bondo".

You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.

Your family tree doesn't fork.

Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.

More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup

The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".

Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board

You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle

Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

Someone in your family says "Cum'n here an' lookit this afore I flush it."

You think the Mountain Men in deliverance were just "Misunderstood".

You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.

You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.

You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.