Two guys are at the bar together talking about their wives. The first guy says "Every night I stay out late I go home and I come in as quietly as I can. Then I get into bed as gently as I can and my wife still wakes up to yell at me!"

His friend replies "You're going about it all wrong. When I stay out late I go home and make as much noise as I want. Then I get into bed, feel my wife's body, and ask her if she wants to get busy... She's always fast asleep."