Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
 He's all right now.

How do you get holy water?
 Boil the hell out of it.

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
 "Dam".

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
 Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
 Cell phones.

 What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
 Nacho Cheese.

 What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.
 and what kind of lettuce? Iceberg.
 

 What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
 A nervous wreck.

 Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
 Because they have big fingers.