New Jersey United States
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June 28, 2005
180,983 Posts
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What is a Family?
Families are who you love. Our families all "look" different and it's always been so. A family caregiving unit might consist of a couple; a mother, father and children; a single parent and child; grandparent and grandchildren; a sibling group; a circle of friends (LPMs); or however that family defines itself.
Families are the foundation of society. It's where we come into the world, are nurtured and given the tools to go out into the world, capable and healthy — or we aren't. While families have the greatest potential for raising healthy individuals, they can also wound their members in places that will never heal. When families break down and fail to provide the healthy nurturing we need, the effects impact not only our own lives, but also our communities (LP).
In other words, we all pay for unhealthy families. If we ignore the suffering, we suffer the consequences.
Loving and caring in families involves much more than the feeling of love. It involves loving actions even at times when we don't feel especially loving.
Studies affirm the importance of love and caring in families. Research shows that expressions of affection towards other family members reduces problem behavior and enhances the family member's development. Love is the single most important principle of family living. If family members do not feel cherished and loved, little else that families do will have its maximum influence. Expressions of kindness increase family life satisfaction.
Strong families notice and share positive aspects of each other. For example: they pay attention to another person's polite behavior or something nice he or she did or said. They notice the talents, skills and achievements, special qualities, and characteristics that make the other person unique. They find ways to be positive even when another family member makes a mistake. They make a conscious effort to develop closeness and show love.
Kindling Kindness. Treat family members as good friends. Ask family members to do things rather than demand that they do them. Compliment good behavior. Thank family members for their efforts. Ask for opinions. Listen to comments. Avoid saying anything that is unkind or sarcastic.
Members of strong families feel they really belong in their family. Family members feel accepted for what they are and promote one another's self-esteem. They celebrate each other's successes and help each other learn from mistakes.
Michigan United States
Member #22,394
September 24, 2005
1,583 Posts
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Let me say that what you propose is great. But let me illustrate how you broke your own rule already. ducksafloat said: If you don't like a poster, don't read their thread.
So you should not be reading the threads that upset you but obviously you did or you wouldn't have posted.
Don't everyone jump on me for being negative. I only pointed out how nearly impossible it is to live in never-never-land. This is my only comment to this thread - and I will restate what I said right at the beginning, what ducksafloat proposes would be great.
Fughedaboutit (NY) United States
Member #8,160
October 26, 2004
6,776 Posts
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Let me say that what you propose is great. But let me illustrate how you broke your own rule already. ducksafloat said: If you don't like a poster, don't read their thread.
So you should not be reading the threads that upset you but obviously you did or you wouldn't have posted.
Don't everyone jump on me for being negative. I only pointed out how nearly impossible it is to live in never-never-land. This is my only comment to this thread - and I will restate what I said right at the beginning, what ducksafloat proposes would be great.
With all due respsect truecritic, I think that there is a big difference in not liking a poster and not reading their threads and not liking what a poster said.
It is impossible to know when a poster you like (and you usually read their threads) is going to say something that will rub you the wrong way until you read their post. On the other hand there may be theads that one may want to totally avoid because of who the poster is, which I believe is the point Patrice was making reference to.
In my opinion, these are two totally different instances... I agree, the purpose of the post is great AND is possible.
United States
Member #26,881
November 23, 2005
1,404 Posts
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Let me say that what you propose is great. But let me illustrate how you broke your own rule already. ducksafloat said: If you don't like a poster, don't read their thread.
So you should not be reading the threads that upset you but obviously you did or you wouldn't have posted.
Don't everyone jump on me for being negative. I only pointed out how nearly impossible it is to live in never-never-land. This is my only comment to this thread - and I will restate what I said right at the beginning, what ducksafloat proposes would be great.
The seitments proposed here are nice yes, however we must realize that we are not all robots who are programmed to be Nice unfortunately!
Some people are peacemakers and some are troublemakers which is human nature. I do believe we have a choice to be either however some must choose to be the troublemaker and that we cannot change in them. It is something they must change in their self. So I have to agree with your statement truecritic.
Wentzville, Missouri United States
Member #2,243
September 4, 2003
9,348 Posts
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Let me say that what you propose is great. But let me illustrate how you broke your own rule already. ducksafloat said: If you don't like a poster, don't read their thread.
So you should not be reading the threads that upset you but obviously you did or you wouldn't have posted.
Don't everyone jump on me for being negative. I only pointed out how nearly impossible it is to live in never-never-land. This is my only comment to this thread - and I will restate what I said right at the beginning, what ducksafloat proposes would be great.
hey now truecritic,
thank you for your comment. don't worry, i won't jump on you:) but i must first tell you that these are not rules, only things that i thought about as i have read many heart-breaking threads and hoped the possiblility would exist for others to share in the same sentiments. will others consider it? some will and some won't. but i respect that.
"Don't everyone jump on me for being negative. I only pointed out how nearly impossible it is to live in never-never-land."
in your above statement, you don't need to get jumped on. You stated the facts of my comment. that comment is worded wrong so i can't really say a whole lot to what you said, because your whole comment is based on the one statement that i made. a correction though, they are not rules, only considerations.
Believe it or not i really don't live in never-never-land, nor utopia, i live in Wentzville, and if you are ever in town, i'd love to have you over to one of our infamous Sunday Dinners. i wish sometimes i were a robot:) i am not offended nor hurt by your comment, or any others, i am simply addressing the fact you stated.
here's what i like abouve what you said,
"nearly impossible" you didn't say it was impossible!
see, this is just what i mean when i say,
"Ya Gotta Love This Place"
others being kind to me, taught me to be kind, so it could happen to anyone, by a simple choice.
and you are correct, i did make this statement,
"If you don't like a poster, don't read their thread."
and i thank you for pointing that out, so let me correct that for the lot of you, i am sorry for my poor choice of wording. Here's what the corrected statement should read.
If you don't like what the poster is saying, discontinuing reading that thread." (That's Better:)
I can't take away this complete expression of your comment below so let's go with the above corrected statement. you also said,
"So you should not be reading the threads that upset you but obviously you did or you wouldn't have posted."
don't have a clue as to why it was/is assumed or agreed upon that i was obviously upset, I do apologize for the confusion or any misunderstandings, for the record, there is a difference in me saying something saddens my heart, it just means i feel sorrow, and hurt for another person, but to be obviously upset, (and i am generalizing:) would be me lashing out at others and creating a mean spirited post. um just saying, let's be considerate. again, i do apologize for the wrong wording.
Just a tid-bit of a thought that I'd like to share with the lot of you's. I've been in and out of the post briefly because Dez is home, he will be leaving soon...but during my journey in and out I have seen many of us insulting others. Please stop that because it saddens my heart.
I think most of us have experienced heart-break before, and no one has upset me as far as any member or poster. I respect them all. Some of the threads I read are heart-breaking. Just like one in particular that has never left me, was one done a while back by SandyK, about the reporter in Iraq, it didn't anger me, it just broke my heart and to this day, still i feel sorrow for what she went through when my thoughts reflect it.
The reason I posted this thread,
I telling you this because I love this place and the posters in it. So let's send off positive vibes, one to another and leave the negitivity in the trash.
not out of anger but out of heart-ache, sorrow and sadness that's all, not because of anything else. You see, truecritic, if someone said something nasty about you and mean and i read it, i would feel sorrow for you and the person that wrote it. it would just break my heart. and for certain, i know that the world we all live in can be mean and cruel, but it really doesn't have to be that way.
it's like the movie, "The Count of Monte Cristo" seen it many, many times, i still cry over the same parts in the movie, no matter how many times i look at it, it's like jail broke him, even though he tried to escape from God, there was no where to go, and he had to realize that in the movie, well, for me, it was sad because he had to go through lots of challenges only to realize that he was still in the palm of God's hand. a great ending indeed, but i think i've said all i could at this point about the diffence of sorrow and being upset. if i didn't, let me know and i will try and consider whatelse could i express to convey that expression. i may have to ask for help though.
i agree with clairvoyance, when she says, the very thing that i am really saying, "We have a choice" now if we make the right choice is a different matter.
clairvoyance says,
"The seitments proposed here are nice yes, however we must realize that we are not all robots who are programmed to be Nice unfortunately!
"I really don't think any of us are robots." I refuse to assume that you are saying, some of us are, um sure you didn't mean that statement, it's probably a simple mistake, like the one i made in choice of wording:)
Some people are peacemakers and some are troublemakers which is human nature. I do believe we have a choice to be either however some must choose to be the troublemaker and that we cannot change in them. It is something they must change in their self. So I have to agree with your statement truecritic. "
In the underlined statement, i don't agree that it is human nature, i think it is in-humane, and a very bad choice to be a trouble maker, maybe that is all that person knows or maybe that's all that person has ever recieved, and just maybe, they can get a little-bit of love right here, through respect, consideration and kindness. I do agree in continuing with the underlined statement, in red, is the bottom line of what is being said here, "Choice" please make a choice to be considerate and respectful.
so, i agree and disagree with the both of you, yet i respect you and i considered what you have said in this thread and myself along with other comments. i hope that i have addressed the awful wording on my part and pointed out the bottom line. and when i say, "i appreciate your reply and comment" i really mean that.
i hope that no one in this thread is offended.
Lottochica, a quick note to you, "THANK YOU" you've got the exact jist of what i was saying, even in my bad wording!
Raven,
:) thank you for that breakdown of the family...it is what we define. and you defined it dead-on!:)
straightshooter,
behave yourself!
Honest To Goodness, This Is What I Feel For The Lot Of You's
and i know, everyone doesn't feel this way, but i still believe that everyone can, and ya know what else i believe, if we consider each other more, we will win lotsssssssss more moolah groola!
Made 2-B Pro$perou$ & Powerful! Ya' Gotta Love Thi$ Place! wMim
United States
Member #10,720
January 23, 2005
935 Posts
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I only respond to things in self-defense. The only thing I do sometimes is to question a particular system so I can understand where the idea came from and if it makes enough sense to use myself. The Lottery is supposed to be fun.
Wentzville, Missouri United States
Member #2,243
September 4, 2003
9,348 Posts
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hey now LckyLry,
thank you for your response. and you should ask if you are trying to get the jist of a system. i like the idea of understanding about systems to, but more than that, if someone is providing me with winners, i love that idea also. as far as selfdefense, can't advise you there but here's something you might try.. just ask yourself, "do i need to defend that expression?" and only you will know that:) BOL & LOL
Made 2-B Pro$perou$ & Powerful! Ya' Gotta Love Thi$ Place! wMim
New Mexico United States
Member #12,305
March 10, 2005
2,984 Posts
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oh yes, J:
it is something nice to hope for. i can agree with that. but most of us are so very misinformed in thinking that what we call reality is really the walking dead. to me, the walking dead is just a person who lives in illusional lies that they presume are true. the whole idea of what i am saying here, is Exercise your choice to treat others they way you expect to be treated and enjoy one another. this is not impossible and is within everyone of our grasp, simply by making a choice and i promise you, that the outcome will be nothing less than perfect.
most of us think of an answer to a question before we even get a grip on what the question or comment really was. i am the perfect example, being here has really taught me to think all things through before i execute a choice, because once i make that choice, that's it, i have absoloutely no control over the outcome. now that is what shakes me up and down, knowing that i have this great power of choice and i abuse and or misuse it. in life, the only control we really have, is by making a choice. once the choice is made, the outcome carries the weight of the remains within a day, and sometimes it carries weeks and even months. so i believe that there is an element of control within everyone of us, if we choose through consideration the choice of speach and activity before we execute it. and at times, it may not be easy, but the bottom line is that we have a choice and we have control over the choice we make.
it's like my son made a choice to join the US Military, the outcome of a choice he made years ago became WAR. he has no control today of that choice made, like karma or justice, the outcome showed face of a choice that was made. sure he walks on the prayers and hopes of a lot of members here at the Post that have prayed for him and I soley depend upon the outcome of those prayers, but more-over, those people on the post chose to pray for him and what i know is this, those prayers will have an outcome.
at and besides, who says it can't be Utopia right here at the post and our everyday lives. not only is it something nice to be ahead of us, but a place where we can choose to live right now, if we could just slow down a -tad- i honestly believe the lot of us would see a whole lot of what you call Utopia it is not impossible and it is within our reach!
you made a choice to reply to this post, you didn't have to, but you did, so responses are the outcome of the choice you made and same applies to me for posting it. we may disagree to disagree without being cruel and stinky about it. anyone of us can take a moment and ask ourselves, "if i say this, will it offend or hurt this person" now, um not saying that this is the soup of the day, but what i am saying is that it can, and should be done, just by a simple choice of consideration.
i considered what i would post here not just based on my emotions, i asked myself, "would this offend me?" "what will i do if someone responds with a cruel response?" and i considered many other possibilities, because i knew, once it was posted, i could not take it back and but with the hopes that some may read this post and find their own harmony and share it, just like me. "It's Just A Choice We Make"
it is something nice to hope for. i can agree with that. but most of us are so very misinformed in thinking that what we call reality is really the walking dead. to me, the walking dead is just a person who lives in illusional lies that they presume are true. the whole idea of what i am saying here, is Exercise your choice to treat others they way you expect to be treated and enjoy one another. this is not impossible and is within everyone of our grasp, simply by making a choice and i promise you, that the outcome will be nothing less than perfect.
It's something a person could hope for. It's even something a person can pretend might exist. If you wish to pretend it can there's no reason anyone should object. It's a worthy pretense.
most of us think of an answer to a question before we even get a grip on what the question or comment really was. i am the perfect example, being here has really taught me to think all things through before i execute a choice, because once i make that choice, that's it, i have absoloutely no control over the outcome. now that is what shakes me up and down, knowing that i have this great power of choice and i abuse and or misuse it. in life, the only control we really have, is by making a choice. once the choice is made, the outcome carries the weight of the remains within a day, and sometimes it carries weeks and even months. so i believe that there is an element of control within everyone of us, if we choose through consideration the choice of speach and activity before we execute it. and at times, it may not be easy, but the bottom line is that we have a choice and we have control over the choice we make.
Indeed we do. And the choice we frequently make is to wallow in hatred and spite. You wishing it weren't so won't change it. Letting it break your heart as you say it's done is to assure yourself of a broken heart.
Many people on LP are tiny, vicious, spiteful individuals. You know this is true. Wishing it weren't true won't change it. Calling the fact I've pointed it out 'negative' also won't change it.
i considered what i would post here not just based on my emotions, i asked myself, "would this offend me?" "what will i do if someone responds with a cruel response?" and i considered many other possibilities, because i knew, once it was posted, i could not take it back and but with the hopes that some may read this post and find their own harmony and share it, just like me. "It's Just A Choice We Make"
Yes, it's a choice we make. But the choice lies in whether to be offended. The choice lies in whether to give others permission to offend us.
Each of us has the choice whether to give others permission to offend us. We know they are small, viscious, spiteful, yet many times we give them permission to offend us.
Or break our hearts.
I don't.
If you choose to do so, it's your own choice. It has nothing to do with what anyone posts. You, each of us reads from an individual perspective. It's entirely selective. We read what we wish to see. We give what we see permission to influence us emotionally. Pain, joy, laughter, offense.
But, as you've succinctly pointed out, it's a choice we make, how we read the posts and how we choose to file them in our emotional responses.
New Mexico United States
Member #12,305
March 10, 2005
2,984 Posts
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Let me say that what you propose is great. But let me illustrate how you broke your own rule already. ducksafloat said: If you don't like a poster, don't read their thread.
So you should not be reading the threads that upset you but obviously you did or you wouldn't have posted.
Don't everyone jump on me for being negative. I only pointed out how nearly impossible it is to live in never-never-land. This is my only comment to this thread - and I will restate what I said right at the beginning, what ducksafloat proposes would be great.
Whatever you and I might disagree on in other matters, we agree on this one.
United States
Member #17,554
June 22, 2005
5,582 Posts
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Unfortunately in life, there must be two opposing factors in order for the balancing act to exist. To know what sweetness tastes like, you also must know how sour tastes like, or bitterness for that fact. One cannot exist without the other. It's one of those quirks of the universe.
Sweet...sour....
salty.......tangy.....
Love.....hate......
Black.....white......
Night.......day...
Truths...Lies.......
Skinny.....Fat...........
Straight.........Curly...
Flat........3 dimensional.....
You get the idea.....LOL
I still love that part in the movie..." Oh God", where the little girl asks George Burns, why he allowed evil to exist, and his reply was something to the fact that he had to do it that way because of the balance of good and bad. There was no other way. One couldn't exist without the other. He continued to tell her that if she knew a better way, to let him know....LOL
New Mexico United States
Member #12,305
March 10, 2005
2,984 Posts
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I only respond to things in self-defense. The only thing I do sometimes is to question a particular system so I can understand where the idea came from and if it makes enough sense to use myself. The Lottery is supposed to be fun.
LckyLary:
Seems to me you know your motives for what you post. Everyone else is stuck with having to guess at your motives, and they might guess in any of a number of directions. You have no control over what those guesses might be. You actually have no reason to care.
How they choose to react is their affair.
All you have to deal with is your own motives. Your own choices, many of which will involve making guesses about what others intended to communicate in their posts and whether you give them permission to offend you whether you guess correctly, or don't.
Charlotte NC United States
Member #17,405
June 18, 2005
4,074 Posts
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I agree Ducksafloat. The rules of what we were taught in kindergarten, no matter how many times you say treat each other with respect it needs repeating over and over.