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eddessaknight

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Dec 11, 2009, 9:32 pm

Enjoy Miss Manners Q & A : Etiquette for Becoming Embarrassingly Rich

No Worries

EddessaKnight

Dear Miss Manners,
Some friends and I were discussing what we would do in the unlikely event that any of us won the lottery, and find we need to appeal to you on one major question that came up. What is the etiquette involved in suddenly becoming embarrassingly rich?

Of course, we all agreed that none of us would flaunt it, but the fact remains that, even if one accepted the winnings anonymously, one would have a moral responsibility to use large portions of the winnings to help out friends, relatives and charities. It would be impossible, in that case, to hide the fact that one had "come into" a bit of money.

How does one politely refuse to divulge the exact amount of winnings received? Or for that matter, the amounts given to various people and causes, or even the amount of winnings currently remaining? How does one politely refuse to become a fairy godmother to everybody and their sister? If one wishes to, say, fund the college education of a cousin's three children, is it necessary to gift an equal amount of money to the comfortably well-off cousin's childless sibling? Is it possible to give money to charities and not have them hound you for the rest of your life?

These are burning questions to which we all hope to need the answers soon.

Gentle Reader,
Ah, yes, the curse of the newly rich: Everyone you know turns competitively greedy; you have a load of new security worries; and you suspect that no one really loves you for yourself.

But then you would be able to buy that dream thingamabob.

No. At least not yet. Not unless you want everyone to go around saying, "Have you seen that thingamabob of hers? Do you know what that cost? And here she's grudging me the little house I need to put a roof over my children's heads."

Still want to win?

Miss Manners was afraid of that.

Change your name to Anonymous. Not only in requesting anonymity from the lottery itself, but from the charities you support.

Do not blow your cover by shouting from the rooftops. Or by changing your life dramatically.

By all means, help your friends and relatives, but do so on an irregular, spaced schedule, so they don't see the pattern. Tell each one that you have "come into a little money" (if pressed, you can say that an investment paid off, as indeed your expenditure for the lottery ticket would have) and ask them not to talk about it.

When it gets out that you won the lottery -- as indeed it will because none of the above strategies will work -- say that you have hired a financial advisor who has put you on a strict budget, so that you do not have funds available for everything everyone suggests. This will be true, as hiring that person is the very first thing you should do.
rdgrnr

100

The Hall Of The Mountain Kings Tennessee
United States
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April 28, 2009
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Dec 11, 2009, 9:52 pm

Quote: Originally posted by eddessaknight on Dec 11, 2009

Enjoy Miss Manners Q & A : Etiquette for Becoming Embarrassingly Rich

No Worries

EddessaKnight

Dear Miss Manners,
Some friends and I were discussing what we would do in the unlikely event that any of us won the lottery, and find we need to appeal to you on one major question that came up. What is the etiquette involved in suddenly becoming embarrassingly rich?

Of course, we all agreed that none of us would flaunt it, but the fact remains that, even if one accepted the winnings anonymously, one would have a moral responsibility to use large portions of the winnings to help out friends, relatives and charities. It would be impossible, in that case, to hide the fact that one had "come into" a bit of money.

How does one politely refuse to divulge the exact amount of winnings received? Or for that matter, the amounts given to various people and causes, or even the amount of winnings currently remaining? How does one politely refuse to become a fairy godmother to everybody and their sister? If one wishes to, say, fund the college education of a cousin's three children, is it necessary to gift an equal amount of money to the comfortably well-off cousin's childless sibling? Is it possible to give money to charities and not have them hound you for the rest of your life?

These are burning questions to which we all hope to need the answers soon.

Gentle Reader,
Ah, yes, the curse of the newly rich: Everyone you know turns competitively greedy; you have a load of new security worries; and you suspect that no one really loves you for yourself.

But then you would be able to buy that dream thingamabob.

No. At least not yet. Not unless you want everyone to go around saying, "Have you seen that thingamabob of hers? Do you know what that cost? And here she's grudging me the little house I need to put a roof over my children's heads."

Still want to win?

Miss Manners was afraid of that.

Change your name to Anonymous. Not only in requesting anonymity from the lottery itself, but from the charities you support.

Do not blow your cover by shouting from the rooftops. Or by changing your life dramatically.

By all means, help your friends and relatives, but do so on an irregular, spaced schedule, so they don't see the pattern. Tell each one that you have "come into a little money" (if pressed, you can say that an investment paid off, as indeed your expenditure for the lottery ticket would have) and ask them not to talk about it.

When it gets out that you won the lottery -- as indeed it will because none of the above strategies will work -- say that you have hired a financial advisor who has put you on a strict budget, so that you do not have funds available for everything everyone suggests. This will be true, as hiring that person is the very first thing you should do.

Thanks EdessaKnight,

I recently read a lot of horror stories about lottery winners and the problems they run into and invariably most of them stem from trying to help too many people or trying to keep everybody happy. It's good to hear something somewhat upbeat and informative after that.

That sounded like good advice to me. (Sorry, it's tied up in a trust fund and I just get an occasional allowance).

Thanks
jimjwright

Crested Butte, CO
United States
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January 18, 2009
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Dec 12, 2009, 11:41 am

If I win the lottery it will be because of software that I wrote. So If people came a calling I would give them the software and $100 (upto the first 100 people) and wish them good luck.

Jimmy
RJOh

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Dec 12, 2009, 3:38 pm

Quote: Originally posted by jimjwright on Dec 12, 2009
If I win the lottery it will be because of software that I wrote. So If people came a calling I would give them the software and $100 (upto the first 100 people) and wish them good luck.

Jimmy

Do you believe that once your program has picked a jackpot winner, it can do it again with only $100 worth of tickets? If your system/program is like any of the others I have read about, you will have spent a lot more than that by the time it wins and you may have to spend even more before it does it again. Most systems/programs don't pick the winning numbers but simply improve the player's odds of winning the jackpots and smaller prizes. I've never heard of one that improve the odds of winning a jackpot to 1:100.

* you don't need to buy every combination, just the winning ones *
eddessaknight

LAS VEGAS
United States
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November 22, 2006
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Dec 12, 2009, 4:56 pm

Not to be cynical, but overly courteous people pleasers take notice:

You will never be loved if you can’t risk being disliked.....

Good Weekend Wishes,

EddessaKnight
jimjwright

Crested Butte, CO
United States
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January 18, 2009
1,394 Posts
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Dec 12, 2009, 5:30 pm

Quote: Originally posted by RJOh on Dec 12, 2009
Do you believe that once your program has picked a jackpot winner, it can do it again with only $100 worth of tickets? If your system/program is like any of the others I have read about, you will have spent a lot more than that by the time it wins and you may have to spend even more before it does it again. Most systems/programs don't pick the winning numbers but simply improve the player's odds of winning the jackpots and smaller prizes. I've never heard of one that improve the odds of winning a jackpot to 1:100.

No I don't think they will hit it with just $100, I would just want them to go away, but I will arm them with the same tools that I was using and stake them the first $100. It will be up to them after they blow thru the first $100 if they have stomach to keep playing a system that will lose much more often than you win. I agree with everything you said. Only when my system hits 5+0 twice would I consider it more skill than luck. Everyone can get lucky once, but if my system hit 5+0 or 5+1 on Powerball or MegaMillions more than once I would have to believe that my system had some merit because there is no way that I'm that lucky. My program is using modified neural network algorithms to look for patterns and predict new patterns.

By the way if Powerball or MegaMillions game matrix changes again then it will be like starting all over again.

Jimmy
hearsetrax

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May 21, 2007
3,796 Posts
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Dec 12, 2009, 7:21 pm

Quote: Originally posted by eddessaknight on Dec 11, 2009

Enjoy Miss Manners Q & A : Etiquette for Becoming Embarrassingly Rich

No Worries

EddessaKnight

Dear Miss Manners,
Some friends and I were discussing what we would do in the unlikely event that any of us won the lottery, and find we need to appeal to you on one major question that came up. What is the etiquette involved in suddenly becoming embarrassingly rich?

Of course, we all agreed that none of us would flaunt it, but the fact remains that, even if one accepted the winnings anonymously, one would have a moral responsibility to use large portions of the winnings to help out friends, relatives and charities. It would be impossible, in that case, to hide the fact that one had "come into" a bit of money.

How does one politely refuse to divulge the exact amount of winnings received? Or for that matter, the amounts given to various people and causes, or even the amount of winnings currently remaining? How does one politely refuse to become a fairy godmother to everybody and their sister? If one wishes to, say, fund the college education of a cousin's three children, is it necessary to gift an equal amount of money to the comfortably well-off cousin's childless sibling? Is it possible to give money to charities and not have them hound you for the rest of your life?

These are burning questions to which we all hope to need the answers soon.

Gentle Reader,
Ah, yes, the curse of the newly rich: Everyone you know turns competitively greedy; you have a load of new security worries; and you suspect that no one really loves you for yourself.

But then you would be able to buy that dream thingamabob.

No. At least not yet. Not unless you want everyone to go around saying, "Have you seen that thingamabob of hers? Do you know what that cost? And here she's grudging me the little house I need to put a roof over my children's heads."

Still want to win?

Miss Manners was afraid of that.

Change your name to Anonymous. Not only in requesting anonymity from the lottery itself, but from the charities you support.

Do not blow your cover by shouting from the rooftops. Or by changing your life dramatically.

By all means, help your friends and relatives, but do so on an irregular, spaced schedule, so they don't see the pattern. Tell each one that you have "come into a little money" (if pressed, you can say that an investment paid off, as indeed your expenditure for the lottery ticket would have) and ask them not to talk about it.

When it gets out that you won the lottery -- as indeed it will because none of the above strategies will work -- say that you have hired a financial advisor who has put you on a strict budget, so that you do not have funds available for everything everyone suggests. This will be true, as hiring that person is the very first thing you should do.
Coin Toss

Zeta Reticuli Star System
United States
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January 17, 2006
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Dec 12, 2009, 7:36 pm

Quote: Originally posted by jimjwright on Dec 12, 2009
If I win the lottery it will be because of software that I wrote. So If people came a calling I would give them the software and $100 (upto the first 100 people) and wish them good luck.

Jimmy

More like the numbers your software program picked put were the numbers drawn because you just got lucky.

Also, if you do hit it obviously won't be in Utah.

Good Luck.

Those who run the lotteries love it when players look for consistency in something that's designed not to have any. So many systems, so many theories, so few jackpot winners.

There is one and only one 'proven' system, and that is to book the action. No matter the game, let the players pick their own losers.
Nino224

Miami, FLA
United States
Member #62,791
July 9, 2008
686 Posts
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Dec 12, 2009, 7:52 pm

Quote: Originally posted by eddessaknight on Dec 11, 2009

Enjoy Miss Manners Q & A : Etiquette for Becoming Embarrassingly Rich

No Worries

EddessaKnight

Dear Miss Manners,
Some friends and I were discussing what we would do in the unlikely event that any of us won the lottery, and find we need to appeal to you on one major question that came up. What is the etiquette involved in suddenly becoming embarrassingly rich?

Of course, we all agreed that none of us would flaunt it, but the fact remains that, even if one accepted the winnings anonymously, one would have a moral responsibility to use large portions of the winnings to help out friends, relatives and charities. It would be impossible, in that case, to hide the fact that one had "come into" a bit of money.

How does one politely refuse to divulge the exact amount of winnings received? Or for that matter, the amounts given to various people and causes, or even the amount of winnings currently remaining? How does one politely refuse to become a fairy godmother to everybody and their sister? If one wishes to, say, fund the college education of a cousin's three children, is it necessary to gift an equal amount of money to the comfortably well-off cousin's childless sibling? Is it possible to give money to charities and not have them hound you for the rest of your life?

These are burning questions to which we all hope to need the answers soon.

Gentle Reader,
Ah, yes, the curse of the newly rich: Everyone you know turns competitively greedy; you have a load of new security worries; and you suspect that no one really loves you for yourself.

But then you would be able to buy that dream thingamabob.

No. At least not yet. Not unless you want everyone to go around saying, "Have you seen that thingamabob of hers? Do you know what that cost? And here she's grudging me the little house I need to put a roof over my children's heads."

Still want to win?

Miss Manners was afraid of that.

Change your name to Anonymous. Not only in requesting anonymity from the lottery itself, but from the charities you support.

Do not blow your cover by shouting from the rooftops. Or by changing your life dramatically.

By all means, help your friends and relatives, but do so on an irregular, spaced schedule, so they don't see the pattern. Tell each one that you have "come into a little money" (if pressed, you can say that an investment paid off, as indeed your expenditure for the lottery ticket would have) and ask them not to talk about it.

When it gets out that you won the lottery -- as indeed it will because none of the above strategies will work -- say that you have hired a financial advisor who has put you on a strict budget, so that you do not have funds available for everything everyone suggests. This will be true, as hiring that person is the very first thing you should do.

My advice would be to read, "The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It And Mean It and Stop People-Pleasing Forever."

Then you can proceed.

Btw, don't be too eager to give these big charities money. There was a story recently on CBS News about how even in the best of cases just a few pennies from every dollar end up where they're needed. The rest goes to bloated salaries, and administrative costs. The head of United Way, for e.g., had a 300K salary and a 800K golden parachute.

I'll set up my own foundation and get that money directly where it's needed and leave out the middle man.

"...a chance to push everything aside, the circumstances that've controlled our lives, and do it our way now. Good, bad or otherwise. You'll maybe get lost in it, tied up in it a little bit, but if you work your way through that the real you shows up, I think. Maybe what's at your core deep down, maybe that comes out. Maybe that's what it's about." Mike Pace
JWBlue

San Diego, CA
United States
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February 12, 2008
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Dec 13, 2009, 1:33 pm

Quote: Originally posted by Nino224 on Dec 12, 2009
My advice would be to read, "The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It And Mean It and Stop People-Pleasing Forever."

Then you can proceed.

Btw, don't be too eager to give these big charities money. There was a story recently on CBS News about how even in the best of cases just a few pennies from every dollar end up where they're needed. The rest goes to bloated salaries, and administrative costs. The head of United Way, for e.g., had a 300K salary and a 800K golden parachute.

I'll set up my own foundation and get that money directly where it's needed and leave out the middle man.

My advice would be:

You don't owe anyone a dime. How much money you have is no ones business.

It is absurd to think a winner owes other people even a dime.
eddessaknight

LAS VEGAS
United States
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November 22, 2006
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Dec 13, 2009, 4:33 pm

Quote: Originally posted by JWBlue on Dec 13, 2009
My advice would be:

You don't owe anyone a dime. How much money you have is no ones business.

It is absurd to think a winner owes other people even a dime.

What you hold as truth often determines your reality.

EddessaKnight
GYM RICE

NH
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December 5, 2009
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Dec 13, 2009, 5:33 pm

If the government makes you claim "winnings" as earnings, then I would treat it as money earned...You have to put money into the system to have a chance to get money back...Its no different then investing in a stock in some regards...Its all a gamble...

I don't think to many people are splitting up their 401K's and handing friends money just because however controlled their investments made better gambles then others...
jimjwright

Crested Butte, CO
United States
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January 18, 2009
1,394 Posts
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Dec 13, 2009, 5:44 pm

So you can call it luck, I don't care, and yes I drive to Idaho to play.

Jimmy
time*treat

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Dec 13, 2009, 9:20 pm

Quote: Originally posted by jimjwright on Dec 12, 2009
If I win the lottery it will be because of software that I wrote. So If people came a calling I would give them the software and $100 (upto the first 100 people) and wish them good luck.

Jimmy

They most likely won't invest the $100 in tickets or stay away.

In neo-conned Amerika, bank robs you.
Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms should be the name of a convenience store, not a govnoment agency.
eddessaknight

LAS VEGAS
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November 22, 2006
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Dec 13, 2009, 11:15 pm

Quote: Originally posted by jimjwright on Dec 13, 2009
So you can call it luck, I don't care, and yes I drive to Idaho to play.

Jimmy

Perhaps, chance (bonne chance) or luck is just a fool's word for fate ???

EddessaKnight