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Lottery Joke :D

Topic closed. 9 replies. Last post 7 years ago by rdgrnr.

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crystaltips's avatar - Lottery-025.jpg
London
United Kingdom
Member #58578
February 20, 2008
51 Posts
Offline
Posted: January 4, 2010, 6:57 am - IP Logged

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.

The Redneck says, I want my $20 million.

To which the man replied, No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.

The Redneck said, Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it.

Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!''

"Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit." - R. E. Shay.

    rdgrnr's avatar - walt
    Way back up in them dadgum hills, son!
    United States
    Member #73904
    April 28, 2009
    14903 Posts
    Offline
    Posted: January 4, 2010, 10:52 am - IP Logged

    A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.

    The Redneck says, I want my $20 million.

    To which the man replied, No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.

    The Redneck said, Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it.

    Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

    The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!''

    US Flag

    In 1814 we took a little trip

    Along with Col. Jackson down the mighty Mississip

    We took a little bacon and we took a little beans

    And we caught the bloody British in the town of New Orleans...

     

    Well they ran thru the briars and they ran thru the brambles

    And they ran thru the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go

    They ran so fast that the hounds couldn't catch 'em

    On down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico

    US Flag


                                                 
                         
                                             

     

     

     

     

                                                                                                       

    "The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing"

                                                                                                --Edmund Burke

     

     

      angelm's avatar - anne
      richmond ky.
      United States
      Member #15877
      May 22, 2005
      8472 Posts
      Offline
      Posted: January 4, 2010, 11:06 am - IP Logged

      Jock finds himself in dire trouble ...
      Jock finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial problems. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. "God, please help me. Ah've lost ma wee store and if Ah dinna get some money, Ah'm going to lose my hoose too. Please let me win the lottery!"

      Lottery night! Someone else wins... Jock prays again. "God, please let me win the lottery! Ah've lost my wee store, ma hoose and Ah'm going to lose ma car as weel!" Lottery night again! Still no luck.

      Jock prays again: "Ah've lost ma business, ma hoose and ma car. Ma bairns are starving. Ah dinna often ask Ye for help and Ah have always been a good servant to Ye. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so Ah can get back on ma feet!"

      Suddenly there is a blinding flash as the heavens open and the voice of God Himself thunders: "Jock at least meet Me half way and buy a ticket!"

        sully16's avatar - sharan
        Ringleader
        Michigan
        United States
        Member #81740
        October 28, 2009
        40518 Posts
        Offline
        Posted: January 4, 2010, 11:49 am - IP Logged

        Old Hickory said we can take'em by surprise! ..I never heard lottery jokes before ,those are good. how rdgrnr got Johnny Horton in there i'll never know.

        Did you exchange a walk on part in the war ?

        For a lead role in a cage?

         

                                                    From Pink Floyd's " Wish you were here"

          rdgrnr's avatar - walt
          Way back up in them dadgum hills, son!
          United States
          Member #73904
          April 28, 2009
          14903 Posts
          Offline
          Posted: January 4, 2010, 6:46 pm - IP Logged

          Old Hickory said we can take'em by surprise! ..I never heard lottery jokes before ,those are good. how rdgrnr got Johnny Horton in there i'll never know.

          Mine wasn't a joke sully but rather somewhat of a repartee. I just resent when some English ingrate twit takes a cheap-shot at my country. There are over 100,000 Americans buried all over Europe who went over there to save their butts and a large percentage if not most of them were what the Englishman calls "rednecks".

          The English and the rest of Europe would be Goose-Stepping to Wagner right now if not for those "rednecks". They have no right to look down their nose at us.

          I resent it.

           

          > 1. The  American  Cemetery at  Aisne-Marne ,  France . A total of 2289 of our military dead.
          > http://www.abmc.gov/images/am1w.jpg
          > 2. The  American  Cemetery at  Ardennes ,  Belgium . A total of  5329   of our dead.
          >
          > 3. The  American  Cemetery at Brittany,  France . A total of  4410   of our military dead. Excuse us.
          > http://www.abmc.gov/images/br1w.jpg
          > 4.  Brookwood ,  England American Cemetery. A total of  468  of our dead.
          >
          >
          > []
          > 5.  Cambridge ,  England ..  3812   of our military dead.
          > http://www.abmc.gov/images/ca2w.jpg
          > 6.  Epinal ,  France American Cemetery. A total of  5525   of our Military dead..
          > http://www.abmc.gov/images/ep3w.jpg
          > 7.  Flanders Field ,  Belgium . A total of  368  of our military.
          > Error! Filename not specified.
          > 8.  Florence ,  Italy . A total of  4402   of our military dead..
          > http://www.abmc.gov/images/fl1w.jpg
          > 9.  Henri-Chapelle ,  Belgium . A total of  7992   of our military dead
          >
          > .
          > http://www.abmc.gov/images/hc4w.jpg
          > 10.  Lorraine ,  France . A total of  10,489   of our military dead...
          > http://www.abmc.gov/images/lo3w.jpg
          > 11.  Luxembourg ,  Luxembourg . A total of  5076   of our military dead.
          > http://www.abmc.gov/images/lx1w.jpg
          > 12. Meuse-Argonne. A total of  14246   of our military dead.
          > http://www.abmc.gov/images/ma1w.jpg
          > 13.  Netherlands ,  Netherlands . A total of  8301   of our military dead.
          > []
          > 14.  Normandy ,  France . A total of  9387   of our military dead.
          > http://www.abmc.gov/images/no3w.jpg
          > 15.  Oise-Aisne ,  France . A total of  6012   of our military dead..
          > Error-Filename not specified.
          > 16.  Rhone ,  France . A total of  861  of our military dead.
          > http://www.abmc.gov/images/rh3w.jpg
          > 17.  Sicily ,  Italy . A total of  7861   of our military dead.
          > http://www.abmc.gov/images/sr1w.jpg
          > 18.  Somme ,  France . A total of  1844   of our military dead.
          > Error-Filename not specified.
          > 19.  St. Mihiel ,  France . A total of  4153   of our military dead
          >
          > .
          > http://www.abmc.gov/images/sm1w.jpg
          > 20.  Suresnes ,  France . a total of  1541   of our military dead.
          > http://www.abmc.gov/images/su1w.jpg
          > Apologize to no one.

           

          US Flag


                                                       
                               
                                                   

           

           

           

           

                                                                                                             

          "The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing"

                                                                                                      --Edmund Burke

           

           

            emilyg's avatar - cat anm.gif

            United States
            Member #14
            November 9, 2001
            31360 Posts
            Offline
            Posted: January 4, 2010, 7:22 pm - IP Logged

            Mine wasn't a joke sully but rather somewhat of a repartee. I just resent when some English ingrate twit takes a cheap-shot at my country. There are over 100,000 Americans buried all over Europe who went over there to save their butts and a large percentage if not most of them were what the Englishman calls "rednecks".

            The English and the rest of Europe would be Goose-Stepping to Wagner right now if not for those "rednecks". They have no right to look down their nose at us.

            I resent it.

             

            > 1. The  American  Cemetery at  Aisne-Marne ,  France . A total of 2289 of our military dead.
            > http://www.abmc.gov/images/am1w.jpg
            > 2. The  American  Cemetery at  Ardennes ,  Belgium . A total of  5329   of our dead.
            >
            > 3. The  American  Cemetery at Brittany,  France . A total of  4410   of our military dead. Excuse us.
            > http://www.abmc.gov/images/br1w.jpg
            > 4.  Brookwood ,  England American Cemetery. A total of  468  of our dead.
            >
            >
            > []
            > 5.  Cambridge ,  England ..  3812   of our military dead.
            > http://www.abmc.gov/images/ca2w.jpg
            > 6.  Epinal ,  France American Cemetery. A total of  5525   of our Military dead..
            > http://www.abmc.gov/images/ep3w.jpg
            > 7.  Flanders Field ,  Belgium . A total of  368  of our military.
            > Error! Filename not specified.
            > 8.  Florence ,  Italy . A total of  4402   of our military dead..
            > http://www.abmc.gov/images/fl1w.jpg
            > 9.  Henri-Chapelle ,  Belgium . A total of  7992   of our military dead
            >
            > .
            > http://www.abmc.gov/images/hc4w.jpg
            > 10.  Lorraine ,  France . A total of  10,489   of our military dead...
            > http://www.abmc.gov/images/lo3w.jpg
            > 11.  Luxembourg ,  Luxembourg . A total of  5076   of our military dead.
            > http://www.abmc.gov/images/lx1w.jpg
            > 12. Meuse-Argonne. A total of  14246   of our military dead.
            > http://www.abmc.gov/images/ma1w.jpg
            > 13.  Netherlands ,  Netherlands . A total of  8301   of our military dead.
            > []
            > 14.  Normandy ,  France . A total of  9387   of our military dead.
            > http://www.abmc.gov/images/no3w.jpg
            > 15.  Oise-Aisne ,  France . A total of  6012   of our military dead..
            > Error-Filename not specified.
            > 16.  Rhone ,  France . A total of  861  of our military dead.
            > http://www.abmc.gov/images/rh3w.jpg
            > 17.  Sicily ,  Italy . A total of  7861   of our military dead.
            > http://www.abmc.gov/images/sr1w.jpg
            > 18.  Somme ,  France . A total of  1844   of our military dead.
            > Error-Filename not specified.
            > 19.  St. Mihiel ,  France . A total of  4153   of our military dead
            >
            > .
            > http://www.abmc.gov/images/sm1w.jpg
            > 20.  Suresnes ,  France . a total of  1541   of our military dead.
            > http://www.abmc.gov/images/su1w.jpg
            > Apologize to no one.

             

            US Flag

                                                      US Flag

            love to nibble those micey feet.

             

                                         

              sully16's avatar - sharan
              Ringleader
              Michigan
              United States
              Member #81740
              October 28, 2009
              40518 Posts
              Offline
              Posted: January 4, 2010, 9:23 pm - IP Logged

                                                        US Flag

              Thank for posting those numbers rdgrnr. They are more important than any lottery number could ever be.

              Did you exchange a walk on part in the war ?

              For a lead role in a cage?

               

                                                          From Pink Floyd's " Wish you were here"


                United States
                Member #75358
                June 1, 2009
                5345 Posts
                Offline
                Posted: January 5, 2010, 1:04 am - IP Logged

                You're a redneck..... If you got stopped by a state trooper.
                He asked you if you had an I.D.
                And you said, 'Bout What?'

                 

                You have to have a sense of humor folks.


                  United States
                  Member #75358
                  June 1, 2009
                  5345 Posts
                  Offline
                  Posted: January 5, 2010, 1:17 am - IP Logged

                  You think subdivision is a math problem.....lol

                  You believe dual air bags refer
                  to your wife and mother-in-law.

                  You've got more than
                  one brother named 'Darryl'.

                   

                  Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."

                  The blue book value of your truck goes up and down
                  depending on how much gas it has in it.

                   

                  Three quarters of the clothes you
                  own have LOGOS on them.


                  The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

                   

                  You've been on TV more than 5 times
                  describing the sound of a tornado.

                  You think loading the dishwasher
                  means getting your wife drunk.

                   

                    The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

                   

                   

                    The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

                    The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

                    rdgrnr's avatar - walt
                    Way back up in them dadgum hills, son!
                    United States
                    Member #73904
                    April 28, 2009
                    14903 Posts
                    Offline
                    Posted: January 5, 2010, 1:42 am - IP Logged

                    You're a redneck..... If you got stopped by a state trooper.
                    He asked you if you had an I.D.
                    And you said, 'Bout What?'

                     

                    You have to have a sense of humor folks.

                    I have a sense of humor.

                    But there's an old saying: I can call my brother an SOB but you can't.

                    Know what I'm sayin'?


                                                                 
                                         
                                                             

                     

                     

                     

                     

                                                                                                                       

                    "The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing"

                                                                                                                --Edmund Burke