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rgse90

ozone park
United States
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December 15, 2007
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Aug 5, 2015, 3:10 pm

The divorce letter,

Dear wife,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell.......Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore: you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore: whatever the case, I'm gone. Your ex-husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & ! have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a girl." Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them & I prayed it was a coincidence that my SISTER had just borrowed $50 from me this morning. After all of this I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lottery for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have a fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-wife, Rich as hell & FREE.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my SISTER Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.LK
mikeintexas

Texas Panhandle
United States
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December 20, 2012
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Aug 5, 2015, 4:43 pm

The joke will be on the ex-wife when she finds out she has to split the JP since she won while they were still married.

I have a lottery joke: A Texas Aggie (we're big on Aggie jokes here in Texas) won the lottery, but when he went to collect was told it would be paid in an annuity/in installments instead of one lump sum. "That ain't right." declares the Aggie. "Gimme my dollar back, then!"
lejardin

United States
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November 4, 2011
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Aug 5, 2015, 4:47 pm

Good ones hahahaha.
music*

Fresno, California
United States
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August 2, 2014
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Aug 5, 2015, 4:54 pm

Thank you for lighting up my life today. LOL

"We are all in this together!"
maringoman

Massachusetts
United States
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April 14, 2006
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Aug 5, 2015, 5:03 pm

I bet West Virginians, infamous for complex family relationships, will be rolling their eyes on this

That money's gone fo ever
mikeintexas

Texas Panhandle
United States
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December 20, 2012
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Aug 5, 2015, 11:17 pm

I remembered something about winning the lottery and divorce, but it wasn't in any posts since I've been active...it was back before I joined and was just lurking and so I searched and found this story from 11 yrs ago:

Man wins lottery two days after divorce from cheating wife finalized

That's what happens when you start getting old; you can remember stuff like this from a decade ago, but can't remember what you had for breakfast this morning.
Coin Toss

Zeta Reticuli Star System
United States
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January 17, 2006
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Aug 6, 2015, 12:58 am

rgse90,

Hilarious. Especially the part about Carla and Carl.

Those who run the lotteries love it when players look for consistency in something that's designed not to have any. So many systems, so many theories, so few jackpot winners.

There is one and only one 'proven' system, and that is to book the action. No matter the game, let the players pick their own losers.