emilyg's Blog

A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London.  He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.
The Arab Muslim asked him, "What are you doing?"
The cabbie answered, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so piss off and wait for a camel.."

The president of a black pastors coalition has expressed his anger that President Barack Obama compared the civil rights movement to that for same-sex marriage at the 50th anniversary of the "Bloody Sunday" march, when black American citizens were beaten while demanding voting rights they were being denied.

"Ask your gay friend if it's easier to be out and proud in America now than it was 30 years ago," Obama said in Selma, Alabama, on Saturday, as he characterized the movement for same-sex marriage as another civil rights struggle.

"I marched with many people back in those days and I have reached out to some of my friends who marched with me, and all of them are shocked," Rev. William Owens of the Coalition of African American Pastors (CAAP) told Breitbart News. "They never thought they would see this day that gay rights would be equated with civil rights. Not one agreed with this comparison."

In February of 2014, CAAP issued a press release in which it announced a campai

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Friends,

Regardless of your "political affiliation," you must admit Israeli Prime Minister Benyamin Netanyahu made a firm case as to why President Obama and the United States has no business entering into negotiations with the Islamic Republic of Iran � then again, perhaps Iran is not Islamic.

I just want everyone reading this to ask yourselves a question. You saw Prime Minister Netanyahu's speech yesterday. You heard President Barack Obama's response to his speech.

I ask you which one is a leader who loves his country? Let me give you a hint � in ten years, Iran will be free to become a nuclear power because of a deal that one of those two men wants very badly.

Steadfast and Loyal

SEE HOW IMPORTANT A SECOND OPINION IS!!

The doctor said, "Harry, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad
news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition,
which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates
one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove
the testicles".

I was shocked and depressed. I wondered if I had anything to live for. I had
no choice but to go under the knife. When I left the hospital, I was without
a headache for the first time in 20 years, but I felt like I was missing an
important part of Myself. As I walked down the street, I realized that I
felt like a different person. I could make a new beginning and live a new
life.

I saw a men's clothing store and thought, that's what I need... A new
suit... I entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The elderly tailor eyed me briefly and said, "Let's see... Size 44 long."

I laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.

I tried on the suit it fit perfectly.

As I admired myself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"

I thought for a moment, and then said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed me and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."

I was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years."

I tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.

I walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"

I thought for a moment, and said, "Sure."

The salesman said, "Let's see... Size 36.

I laughed, "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would
press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell
of a headache."

New suit - $800
New shirt - $70
New underwear - $12
Second Opinion - PRICELESS

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communications with a small twin engine aircraft.

A moment later the tower landline rang and was answered by one of the  employees

The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled "Mayday, mayday!!
       "The pilot had passed out..I grabbed   his cell phone out of his pocket and he
  had told me before we took off 
  he had the tower on his speed dial
Memory.

I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and travelling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!"

The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately. "Calm down, we acknowledge you and we will guide you down after a few questions.

The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!".  He began his series of questions.

Tower: "How do you know you are travelling at 18,000 feet??"

Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the dials in front of me".

Tower: "Okay, that is good, remain calm. How do you know you are travelling at 180 mph??"

Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the dials in front of me".

Tower: Okay, that is good. How do you know you're flying upside down??"

Aircraft: "Because the crap in my pants is sliding out of my shirt collar."

Friends,

This weekend, a Kuwaiti newspaper reported that President Barack Obama thwarted an Israeli military attack against Iran's nuclear facilities in 2014 by threatening to shoot down Israeli jets before they could reach their targets in Iran.

I truly am praying this isn't a true story. Because, if it is, the ramifications are horribly <snip>ing � and emboldening to our enemies, of which one of the greatest is Iran.

I look forward to Prime Minister Netanyahu's address tomorrow. It will be refreshing to hear a real leader.

Steadfast and Loya

I look forward to it, too.   Em

Some years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco . Mensa, as you know, is a national organization for people who have a high IQ .

Several of the Mensa members went out for lunch at a local cafe.  When they sat down, one of them discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper, and their pepper shaker was full of salt.  How could they swap the contents of the two bottles without spilling any, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly  --  this was a job for Mensa minds.

The group debated the problem and presented ideas and finally, came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer.

They called the waitress over, ready to dazzle her with their solution.

"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker....."

But before they could finish, the waitress interrupted.   "Oh --  sorry about that."   She leaned over the table, unscrewed the caps of both shakers and switched them.

There was dead silence at the Mensa table.

Reminds me of our government, solutions would be so simple, but the brilliant minds in Washington have to make the situation difficult.

An Irish Priest is Transferred to Texas

He rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new West Texas mission parish.  He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day to yourself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church.

There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter."

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied,

"Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites."

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Then, Father O'Malley replied,  "Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of
kin first, which is the reason for me call."

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Congressman Trey Gowdy (R-SC) issued a strong warning to Democrats at the House Judiciary Committee meeting Wednesday, saying that one day they'll regret supporting the "president's failure to enforce the law" and "cry out" for the enforcement of the Constitution.

You may benefit from the president's failure to enforce the law today, but I'll make you this promise: There will come a day where you will cry out for the enforcement of the law. There will come a day where you long for the law to be the foundation of this Republic. So you be careful what you do with the law today, because if you weaken it today, you weaken it forever.

Gowdy followed the strong words Wednesday with an appearance on Greta Van Susteren's "On The Record" (video above), in which he expanded on his warning, saying, "I just don't like it when either side plays games with the rule of law, because it is the most unifying, equalizing force we have in our culture.

The representative also noted to Van Susteren that the president deliberately delayed his announcement of his executive amnesty program until after the midterm election, suggesting that Obama knew he was overstepping his constitutional authority.

n Thursday, Dr. Ben Carson came out swinging at this year's CPAC 2015 conference. He denounced what he called the "PC police" bullying people who support traditional marriage and oppose abortion, reports LifeNews.

"I refuse to give into the PC police," he said.

"If you're pro-life, you're 'anti-woman.' If you're pro-traditional family, you're a 'homophobe.' If you're white, and you oppose a progressive black person, you're 'racist.' If you're black and you oppose a progressive agenda, you're 'crazy.' And if you're black and you're pro-life and you're pro-traditional family, they don't even know what to call you. You end up on some kind of watch list for extremists!" he said.

Earlier in the month, the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) issued an apology to Dr. Carson after placing him in their "Extreme File" alongside the KKK and Neo-Nazi groups for having the audacity to criticize Obamacare at the National Prayer Breakfast in 2013 and support traditional marriage. While the SPLC did remove Carson from the file, they concluded in their apology that he holds views "most people would conclude as extreme."

"We shouldn't submit to the PC Police, and to people who are trying to control us by intimidation and by IRS audits and by messing with your job," Carson said. "The only reason they can do that is because we sit silently by. That's what they want us to do."

Carson also had some harsh words to share about Hillary Clinton as well.

"I'm not ready for Hillary," he said. "I'm ready for a country that puts our Constitution on the top shelf. And for those that have any doubt, that includes the Second Amendment. I'm for a country where we take the restraints off the most dynamic economy the world has ever known."

Carson's statements received thunderous applause and standing ovations.
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I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.

She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?

And that, my friend, is the definition of "OLD"

~ ~ ~

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

'And what do you think is the best thing

About being 104?' the reporter asked.

She simply replied,

'No peer pressure.'

~ ~ ~

I've sure gotten old!

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,

New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes

I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,

Take 40 different medications that

Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation;

Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.

Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,

I still have my Florida driver's license.

~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and

Told her preacher she had two final requests.

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,

She wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 'Why Wal-Mart?'

'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.'

~ ~ ~

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

~ ~ ~

Know how to prevent sagging?

Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

~ ~ ~

It's scary when you start making the same noises

As your coffee maker.

~ ~ ~

These days about half the stuff

In my shopping cart says,

'For fast relief.'

~ ~ ~

THE SENILITY PRAYER:

Grant me the senility to forget the people

I never liked anyway,

The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and

The eyesight to tell the difference.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything, but I can still fit

into the socks I wore in high school.

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breaking story from ESPN Sportscenter..........2/16/2015

Pete Carroll, former head coach of the Seattle Seahawks, is reported to be very near to signing on as a special consultant to The Pope in Vatican City.   The Pope looks to recruit Carroll to be a spokesman for the Catholic Church because he is the first man in history that made 100 million people jump up and yell "Jesus Christ!" at the same time.