tbraddock's Blog

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Paradoxical Quote of The Day From Ben Stein

"Fathom the hypocrisy of a government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured... but not everyone must prove they are a citizen.” Now add this, "Many of those who refuse, or are unable, to prove they are citizens will receive free insurance paid for by those who are forced to buy insurance because they are citizens."

Entry #13

Gee Thanks Obama...

Just received a letter today from my healthcare provider that my insurance will DOUBLE (Yeah, That's right DOUBLE!!!!) as of January 1, 2014 for that same coverage.

Oh, but I can still select a policy that would BANKRUPT me if I have to have surgery for just a little more than I'm paying now. And Pay DOULBLE for my PERSCRIPTIONS, that's all.

Gee Thanks OBAMACARE!

Entry #11

Maxine's Educational E-Mails

Maxine

As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using
a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in
my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on
the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can
only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been
driving because the number one pastime while driving alone
is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I
can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have
consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed
it on the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet
sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for
the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up
in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell
like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish
within five minutes.

Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.

 

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,

so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

 

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes
seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face,
disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a
needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug
me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with
calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan ...

 

Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a
big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me
instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a
dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably
placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten
by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land
on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the
fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you
to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s
ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's
beautician!

Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study,
has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because
I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out
of the toilet.. 

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY…

Entry #10

Amazing Trick!!

Think of a letter between A and W. 


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Repeat it out loud as you scroll down. 


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Keep going . . . Don't stop . . . 


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Think of an animal that begins with that letter. 




Repeat it out loud as you scroll down. 



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Think of a man's/woman's name that begins with the last letter in the animals name 


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Almost there........ 



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Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down. 

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Take the hand you counted with and hold it out in front of you at face level 

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Look at you palm very closely and notice the lines in your hand 




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Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the person's name? 




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Of course not, dumbo...


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Now slap yourself upside the head, get a life and quit playing stupid e-mail games!

Entry #5

Husbands

A husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife,
 
"Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast.
 
Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!"
 
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.
 
"What the heck is this?" he said to himself as a little cloud appeared when he shook them out.
 
He hollered into the bathroom,
 
"Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'"   
 
His wife replied, "It's not talcum powder, it's Miracle Grow!"
Entry #2

Six Truths!!

Six Undisputable Truths - Six Truths in Life you may not have been aware of!!

 


1.  You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same
time - it's a physical impossibility.   


2.  All idiots, after reading No.1, will try it.


3.  And discover No.1 is a lie !!

4.. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.

5.  You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6.  There is still a stupid smile on your face .

I sincerely apologise about this but I am an idiot and I needed company!!

You now have 2 options...delete it, or send it along to put a smile on
someone's face today.

What can I say.....I did smile as I thought about you testing your skills.
Did you try it??   HAVE A GREAT DAY!!    ;>)

Entry #1
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