emilyg's Blog

. SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'

SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2016!!

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

ZIPLOC BAGS � male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE � male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS � female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

SHOE � male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER � female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed.  Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

TIRE � male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON � male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it...  and, of course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES � female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE � female, because it is always getting hit on.

SUBWAY � male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS � male, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER � male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL � female...

Ha!  You thought I'd say male.  But consider... it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always  know which button to press - he keeps trying.

Beautiful!

Diamond and Silk called out Jill Stein's #Recount2016 today.

Like most of us, they were enjoying their Thanksgiving when they heard about #Recount2016.

And they weren't happy about it.

This was their reaction!

Diamond: "Hey, y'all. So was sitting there watching my TV, minding my business over the holidays, eating my dessert, OK? And I see where Jill Stein wants a recount of the vote. What? Now Jill Stein has never been a friend of mine. What race was she running? A rat race to nowhere. And then she goes on to say that she wants to get down to the truth. Well, the truth is you lost, Jill. So deal with it.

That means you are done.  You are over with. You are toast. You are finished. You're through. Boom! Drop out gracefully. I can't stand it when people don't bow out gracefully. So we don't need a recount. We don't need a revote. The only thing we need for you to do is bow out gracefully!"

They're right!

Jill Stein should stop the shenanigans and bow out gracefully

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash in Alaska with bush pilot, Wiley Post, was one of the greatest political/country/cowboy sages this country has ever known.

Some of his sayings:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading.   The few who learn by observation.   The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n than puttin' it back in.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.  He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.

The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER ...

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers.  Not me.  I want people to know 'why' I look this way.  I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra ...

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about ageing is that it's such a nice change from being young.

Eight ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.

Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.  Today it's called golf.

And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.

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Boom!

Black Democrat Brunell Donald-Kyei was a Democrat Lieutenant Governor candidate in Illinois. Then, she was a Bernie supporter. After Bernie left the race, she joined the Trump team. Brunell became the Vice-Chair Of Diversity Outreach for the National Diversity Coalition for Donald Trump during the campaign.

Now, she's speaking out against the "racism" the mainstream media is shouting at Trump.

Today on the Fox Business Channel, Brunell addressed the supposed racism of Trump supporters.

Watch (via Immigrants For Trump):

From the video:

Brunell: "The people have chosen him. And Donald J. Trump said he's going to be the President for all people. I don't believe he became President to leave black people behind. Hispanics, Arabs, Chinese or white people behind. The same white people that voted two times for Barack Obama � our current President � are the same white people that voted for Donald Trump. So how did they become racist at this time? You know, it just doesn't make any sense!"

Brunell drops the truth bombs like no other!

Letter from Grandma
This is a letter from someone's grandmother. She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:
Dear Granddaughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, I'm glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ Go!"
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach". I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.
My grandson burst out laughing...why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!!
I will write again soon. .
Love,
Grandma

MolonLabe1836 davinci38 � 14 hours ago
Found this just now.....
In a Saturday essay in The Intercept, the left-wing reporter and founder, Glenn Greenwald, writes,
The self-exonerating mentality of Democrats is
particularly remarkable in light of how comprehensive their failures
have been. After the 2012 election, the GOP immersed itself in
unflinching self-critique even though it still held a majority in the
House and dominated governorships and state houses. By rather stark
contrast, the Democrats have now been crushed at all levels of electoral
politics, yet appear more self-righteously impressed with themselves,
more vindicated in their messaging and strategic choices, than ever
before.
As they say, you can't fix stupid.

"President-elect Trump asked me to meet with him about our current policies regarding Syria, our fight against terrorist groups like al-Qaeda and ISIS, as well as other foreign policy challenges we face. I felt it important to take the opportunity to meet with the President-elect now before the drumbeats of war that neocons have been beating drag us into an escalation of the war to overthrow the Syrian government�a war which has already cost hundreds of thousands of lives and forced millions of refugees to flee their homes in search of safety for themselves and their families.

"While the rules of political expediency would say I should have refused to meet with President-elect Trump, I never have and never will play politics with American and Syrian lives.

"Serving the people of Hawai?i and our nation is an honor and responsibility that I do not take lightly. Representing the aloha spirit and diversity of the people of Hawai?i, I will continue to seek common ground to deliver results that best serve all Americans, as I have tried to do during my time in Congress.

"Where I disagree with President-elect Trump on issues, I will not hesitate to express that disagreement. However, I believe we can disagree, even strongly, but still come together on issues that matter to the American people and affect their daily lives. We cannot allow continued divisiveness to destroy our country.

"President-elect Trump and I had a frank and positive conversation in which we discussed a variety of foreign policy issues in depth. I shared with him my grave concerns that escalating the war in Syria by implementing a so-called no fly/safe zone would be disastrous for the Syrian people, our country, and the world. It would lead to more death and suffering, exacerbate the refugee crisis, strengthen ISIS and al-Qaeda, and bring us into a direct conflict with Russia which could result in a nuclear war. We discussed my bill to end our country's illegal war to overthrow the Syrian government, and the need to focus our precious resources on rebuilding our own country, and on defeating al-Qaeda, ISIS, and other terrorist groups who pose a threat to the American people.

"For years, the issue of ending interventionist, regime change warfare has been one of my top priorities. This was the major reason I ran for Congress�I saw firsthand the cost of war, and the lives lost due to the interventionist warmongering policies our country has pursued for far too long.

"Let me be clear, I will never allow partisanship to undermine our national security when the lives of countless people lay in the balance."

Donations to Clinton Foundation fell by 37 percent
11/20/2016, 10:08:54 AM � by COUNTrecount � 56 replies
NY Post ^ | November 20, 2016 | Isabel Vincent and Melissa Klein
Donations to the Clinton Foundation nose-dived last year amid Hillary Clinton's presidential run, pay-to-play allegations, internal strife and a black mark from a charity watchdog. Contributions fell by 37 percent to $108 million, down from $172 million in 2014, according to the group's latest tax filings. The cash plummeted as Hillary Clinton left the nonprofit in April 2015 after announcing her ill-fated candidacy. The foundation became a major issue in the race, with Donald Trump vowing to appoint a special prosecutor to investigate it. Whether that effort will go forward is not clear. Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah), head of the...

NY Post.com

he MSM Is Right: There Is a Racist Party in America
11/20/2016, 3:35:12 PM � by ChessExpert � 4 replies
American Thinker ^ | November 20th, 2016 | Tom Trinko
The mainstream media (MSM) are right.  There is a political party today that has racism as a core value and is working incessantly to keep blacks down.  It's the Democratic Party.  Of course, since Democrat politicians never say what they really believe, most Democrat voters aren't aware they're supporting racism. Like their predecessors who fought a war to keep slavery legal, who founded the KKK, who passed the Jim Crow laws, who fought for school segregation, and who opposed the Civil Rights Act of 1964, modern Democrat politicians are constantly working to ensure that blacks be poor, ignorant, and totally...

AmericanThinker.com

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Disappointment

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class,

"Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"

With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again,

"Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the  class, "Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and  said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size  when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to  Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

(1) you have a dirty mind,

(2) you didn't read your homework, and

(3) one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

WINNERS vs LOSERS ON NOVEMBER 8, 2016
11-15-2016 5:11 pm - Paula Poster
Winners vs losers (Nov-8-2016)

v America - winner.
� Anti-Americanism - losers.

v Sheldon Adelson - winner.
� George Soros - loser.

v FOX (majority), LibertyNewsOnline, MRC (MediaResearchCenter), DailyCaller, IBD (investors.com), GP (thegatewaypundit.com), FrontPageMag, FSM (FamilySecurityMatters.org), AmericanThinker, WND, HumanEvents, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin (MichelleMalkin.com), Rush Limbaugh, Laura Ingraham, JihadWatch, AtlasShrugs, Michael Savage, Breitbart, DrudgeReport, NYPost - winners.

� WaPo, NYT, CNN, MSNBC, HuffPost,DailyBeast, ProPublica, NPR, USAToday, BuzzFeed, NYdailyNews, TheYoungTurks (Muslim-raised Cenk Uygur), and other alt-left.
Dailykos, etc. - losers.

v Securing borders - winner.
� Broken borders policy - loser.

v Judea-Christians - winners.
� Obama's "Cairo speech" and wish-washing Islamofascism - losers.

v The few brave in Hollywood - winners.
� The greater part of Hollywood - losers.

Senator Bernie Sanders says he's ready to work with President-elect Donald Trump to crack down on corporate greed, but won't give an inch on bigotry. Democrats lost because they ignored the plight of workers and must address that to recover, Sanders said.

Sanders, who mounted a bid for the Democratic presidential nomination but lost out to Hillary Clinton, is on a whirlwind tour of Washington, DC this week, promoting his new book, Our Revolution. On Wednesday, the Senate Democrats appointed him Chair of Outreach, seeking to repair the party still reeling from last week's defeat in the general election.

"Donald Trump won the election for a number of reasons. But one of the reasons that he won is, in my view, the failure of the Democratic Party that must be rectified," Sanders told a rally outside the US Capitol on Thursday.

While Trump recognized that "there are millions of people today � working-class people, middle-class people, low-income people � who are living in despair" and turning to alcohol, drugs and suicide, the Democrats did not, Sanders argued.

"Facts are facts. When you lose the White House to the least popular candidate in history of America, when you lose the Senate, when you lose the House, and when two-thirds of governors in this country are Republicans, it is time for a new direction for the Democratic Party," said the independent

MORE...

https://www.rt.com/usa/367320-sanders-trump-democratic-reforms/