emilyg's Blog

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On the first day, God created the dog and said:
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren... And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone..

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.. I'm doing it as a public service.

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"And the bewildered herd is still believing
Everything we've been told from our birth
Hell they won't lie to me
Not on my own <snip> TV
But how much is a liar's word worth
And what happened to peace on earth" --Willie Nelson

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Women Are Evil By Nature...

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.

As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," he replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her
hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her
forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers
into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

"Tell him," she whispered, "There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper
towels in the ladies room."
=

Heavenly Father, walk through my house, take away all my worries, any illnesses, please watch over, heal and comfort my family and friends in Jesus name.  Amen.

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God said:

You may consider too many things. You may weigh too many things. Would you just let yourself be?

When you are feeling lethargic, maybe you are supposed to rest more.

When you are feeling energetic, maybe you are supposed to do more.

Exactly what makes you tend to think that, wherever you seem to be in terms of life, that you are supposed to be somewhere else? What exactly is wrong when you are one way today and another way tomorrow?

Who said that you are to be chipper every day? Who said you have to be anything at all?

Whatever your seeming condition, you are My child. If My child needs more rest, well, then get it. And if My child needs more activity, then, well, go get it. It seems that you worry yourself every which way to Tuesday. You keep pulling the carpet out from under yourself.

Today, make the decision once and for all, that you are fine just as you are. Your hair does not have to be perfect. Your day doesn't have to be perfect. You don't have to be perfect.

Take a vacation from exacting demands on yourself. Certainly stop demanding that you consistently be other than you are right now.

Stop asking: "What is the matter with me?"

I will tell you what is the matter with you. You think too much.

I will answer that question another way as well. I will say: There is nothing the matter with you.

What is today is today. What was yesterday was yesterday. What will be tomorrow will be tomorrow.

It seems like you fight yourself day and night. You nag yourself. No wonder you are worn out. All that nagging would wear anyone out.

I accept you. Can you not accept yourself? Whether you are running the rapids or drifting in a canoe, what does it really matter? You are you, and who you are this minute is good enough for this minute.

No longer keep raising the bar on what you must be. Let Me take care of you. I do take care of you.

When your body says to rest, then rest. It is so simple.

I think you are making too much of a production of your life. Consider that you are a candy-maker. You have to let the candy set. You can't always be stirring up the candy. There are different stages in candy-making, and you must allow them their turn.

Give yourself a break. Don't beat yourself up any longer. Do not be a nagging wife or husband to yourself. Be one who loves instead, simply loves and smiles and appreciates you. Be in your own corner. Pat yourself on the back. You are truly wonderful, you know.

You live life on more than one level. You do not always have to come in first. First or last, you are you, made in My image.

Remember that after the sixth day, I rested. I made no apologies for it. I wanted time to mull over My creation and saw, again and again, that it is good.

I am going to put a badge on you now. The badge reads: "God's Child."

I pin this badge on you so you will remember who you are.

I pin this badge on you in the hopes that you will be good to My child, even satisfied with My child, pleased with My child, happy with My child and let yourself be. Letting yourself be is a little different from resting on your laurels.

Take the day off today, and just be. Rest in Me.

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Happy Mother's Day

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."