emilyg's Blog

ONE.

Recently, when  I went to McDonald's, I saw on the menu that you could have an order of six, nine, or 12
Chicken McNuggets.  I asked for a half dozen
nuggets.  'We don't have half dozen nuggets,'
said the  teenager at the counter.  'You don't?' I  replied.  'We only have six, nine, or 12,' was the reply.  'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?' 

'That's right.'  So I shook my head and ordered
six McNuggets. 
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)

TWO.

I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.  I picked up one of those  'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.  After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider,' looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.  Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'  I said to her, 'I've changed my mind; I  don't think I'll buy that today.'  She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things I'd bought and left.

She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE.

I saw a woman at work putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. 
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'

(Keep shuddering!)

FOUR.

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.  'Do you need some help?' I
asked.  She replied, 'I knew I should have
replaced the battery to this remote door
unlocker.  Now I can't get into my car. 

Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?' 
'Hmmm, I don't  know.  Do you have an
alarm, too?' I asked  'No, just this remote
thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.  As I  took the key and manually
unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'

(PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself!)

FIVE.

Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift.  One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper.  What do I do?'  'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. 

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

(Brunette, by the way!)

SIX.

A mother calls 911 very worried, asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room -  the kid had eaten ants.  The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine.  The  mother says, 'I just gave him some ant  killer...'  Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

(Life is tough.  It's even tougher if you're
stupid!)

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Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you, too.  Don't  laugh...it is all true!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An English gentleman traveled to New York City one rainy summer for the funeral of an old girlfriend. Having packed in a hurry, he forgot to bring his galoshes. Not wanting to ruin his shoes in the mud that was sure to be at his departed friend's burial ceremony, he went to a shoe store.
"Pardon me." he asked the clerk, "Do you have any black rubbers?"

The confused clerk said he did not, but directed the man to the drugstore across the street. The Englishman asked the pharmacist, "Pardon me, but do you have any black rubbers?"

The pharmacist replied, "I don't know but I'll take a look."
From the back room, he called out, "I have green, red, purple, blue and rainbow, but no black." Returning to the counter he asked the Englishman, "Why do you want black rubbers, anyway?"

The Englishman replied, "My old girlfriend just died."

The surprised pharmacist said, "Oh, you English are so refined!"

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01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run -
anywhere.

04. People call at  9 PM and ask,"Did I wake you?"

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08 You can eat supper at 4 PM.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your
stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator
music.

14. Your eyes won't get much
worse.

15. Your investment in health
insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate
meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your
friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is
finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. And you notice these are all in BIG PRINT for your convenience.   

Forward this to every one you can remember right
now!

And never, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same
night!

God said:

The person to forgive is yourself. No matter what you have done, it is done, and it is the past. Please forgive yourself your past. It is yourself that your heart is set against. It is yourself you are impatient with. It is yourself who has trespassed, and it is yourself that you must pardon.

The seeming streams of other people are pictures taken of you. This is hard to take, I know. The only enemy in the whole world is yourself. This is all illusion, of course, for you imagine enmity. You make it out of thin air. You oppose yourself. You fantasize disabling thoughts, and blame them on someone else.

The thing is that there is no someone else. You, as you know yourself, do not exist either. So what is this whole fuss about? You think it's about what someone else said, or what someone else did, or what someone else should have said or done in justice to you. You can only be all fraught with yourself. All the affronts to you, you perpetrated upon yourself. You framed someone else. You targeted someone else. You made a false picture of yourself and put someone else's name under it.

There is no such thing as someone else. Nor do you, as you see yourself, exist. Bodies seem to exist and receive lots of attention, yet bodies are not the heart of the matter. Your disavowal of Truth is the heart of the matter. What is the matter is not what someone else has said or done. You are in disfavor of yourself. It is a great con game you're involved in. You have conned yourself into believing that you are aggrieved.

I, God, am not aggrieved. I never am. I do not stay awake all night belaboring anyone's ignorance or lack of tribute to Me. I know better. You, on the other hand, are disjointed and look outside the Kingdom within you for comfort or discomfort. Grace yourself instead.

There are no bad guys. You have created them all in your fertile imagination. A spark of your thought was lit somewhere in the Universe. You saw it like a fallen star. You have decided yourself as the one who is to remedy the world. Remedy your misperceptions, beloveds.

The thought of being true to your own self be true takes on new meaning. Rid yourself of false thought.

Consider, what if you have been mistaken? Consider, what if you have been misled? What if you have misled yourself? I repeat. There are no bad guys. The bad guys are your thoughts, and it is not the first time that thoughts have manifested themselves. Let go of negative thinking by forgiving yourself for your imagination. Forgive yourself for having created less than beauty in the world. You have scribbled on the world and drawn graffiti. You have been busy. If the world were a great artist's rendition, you have scribbled in a moustache. In so doing, you have falsified the art, and you have falsified yourself.

Begin your reformation by forgiving yourself. There is nothing else to do. Stop holding things against yourself or against any other. Free the world from your sense of reparation.

No one owes you anything. You owe everyone everything. You owe everyone forgiveness of yourself. Let yourself out of the prison you have made for yourself. You made the bars that block your perception. You condemned yourself and others to a life of trial. Condemn no one. Certainly, no longer condemn Truth to obscurity. Say goodbye to falsehood. Pardon yourself. Give yourself a lifelong pardon. Begin love today

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HEAVEN Letter

God said:

If you have a car, you don't lecture it about the past. If your car gets a flat tire, you fix it. You don't keep blaming the car for the flat tire. You do not admonish the car. If your car runs out of gas, you fill the tank. You avert driving without gas. If your car is parked, and another car rams into yours, you don't attribute the fault to your car, your driving, your skill. You do not avoid parking your car in the future. You do not keep thinking about it. You don't go over it again and again about how, if you had parked your car somewhere else, this would not have happened. You do not relive it, rethink, or, furthermore, base the rest of your driving on that accident that you were innocent of.

Let us go further, for an example, and say that you had parked your car outside the white line. Maybe you didn't see the white line. Maybe you didn't know you were to park your car between the curb and the white line. Maybe you knew and let it be anyway for you were only going to park there a few moments. Whatever the reason, whether you were or were not to some degree responsible, the point is that you don't let this one accident affect your entire driving career. You don't, do you? You move on from it. You are very aware that the past is not the present, and you don't use all your resources and energy to keep the past � like a motor � running.

Yet when it comes to your life, you may well keep too much of the past running into the future. You heap up the past as if it were an online class. In your attempt to not make the same errors, even if the errors were not yours, it seems you hark to the past. You somehow replay yourself, and you may seem unable to get off the track. You were the oldest of five, or you were the youngest of five, and you may repeat your role as the oldest or as the youngest. You just can't seem to get out of it.

Better to think of yourself as born anew today. Recreate yourself. Your birth order, your heritage, your parents, your DNA are not the entire making of you. They are not unless you say so. All the reasons why you attribute the way you are are excuses, beloveds. You can point to all the justices or injustices of the past, and, still, you are responsible for who you are today. No one else is. The past is not. Even if you have made the most powerful map of the effect of your past on you, even if scientists have drawn such a map, even if it is proven a hundred different ways from Monday that you are not responsible, you are responsible for who you are now. No matter how favored or unfavored you were by the world and happenstance, you are responsible. You did or did not get out of the past. If you do not like how you function in the world, then it is up to you to function differently.

No matter the factors, they can be changed. You can change them. I have said before that you are your own prince who comes to the rescue. Or you are the villain who whisks you off to your own dismay.

We are not talking about blame. Blame is always something from the past. We are talking about responsibility, and responsibility is always now. Whatever you would like changed, you can change it. Occasionally, by the snap of a finger, change is made, yet more often by a decision you make, a vision you take on, a new road you take, a new way of standing, looking, incurring.

There are things worth changing. If you are not happy with yourself as you are now, or not happy with your life as it is now and that likely is many or most of the populace, then create happiness. Happiness, like anything else, does not have to be an accident. Decide that your fate is happiness, and bring happiness on.

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"A healthy, vital society is not one in which we all agree.  It is one in which those who disagree can do so with honor and respect for other people's opinions.....and an appreciation of our shared humanity,"

m. williamson

Note To All Hunters:  This is from a San Francisco newspaper

"To all you hunters who kill animals for food, shame on you; you ought to go to the store and buy the meat that was made there, where no animals were killed."

Folks, just remember as you read this, this person probably drives & votes.
AND, may have already reproduced.  God help America.

This helps explain why and how Nancy Pelosi got reelected.  This is from her district.

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Wishing all many hits!
                                                   

Label: May cause drowsiness.
Product: Nytol sleeping pills.

Label: This product may contain nuts.
Product: Peanut M&Ms.

Label: Do not use while sleeping.
Product: Vidal Sassoon hair dryer

Label: The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents.
Product: W.H. Collins' Vanishing Fabric Markers

Label: This product is not intended for use as a dental drill
Product: DremelMultipro's rotary tools

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89

A man boarded a plane with six kids.
(gutsy guy!)
After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours ? "
He replied, " No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints

Step 46 ~ Higher Priorities

Love lets others go first

There is an old story that was told to me by B.J., my first spiritual teacher, which has always inspired me. It has to do with two people, a Master and Apprentice, who are climbing a ladder together. As they move higher and higher, the Master is leading the way, imparting knowledge and helping the Apprentice overcome obstacles and resistances at almost every rung. Things go on like this for quite awhile until they finally reach the top rung of the ladder. At this point, the Master stops, leans aside to make room for the Apprentice to pass, and says, "Here, my friend, you go first."

In today's fast-paced, workaday world, many of us have a tendency to charge ahead, not always thinking about how we affect our fellow travelers. Our economic and social systems aren't currently geared for helpfulness to blossom. Whether we scramble blindly to make our monthly obligations, or simply cut another off in traffic in a rush to get to our next place quicker, we lose a special opportunity to have a positive effect on those around us - and on ourselves. Just think for a moment how you reacted the last time someone else slowed at an intersection and waved for you to go ahead of them. It felt good, didn't it? You wanted to return the favor, didn't you?

That's the way we'll all feel once we glean the wisdom in allowing others to go first.

My Intention for today is:

I Intend that I am more willing to consider the needs of those around me.