ochoop17's Blog

Who succeed Earl Warren as the chief justice of the United States ?

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in Mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "

Who mows the grass at a baseball park?

During World War ll, allied force stormed the beaches of ______, France on " D-Day."

The New York Department of Labor claimed a small farmer was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.
NY Govt agent said “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.”
The Farmer replied “Well, there's my first hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.”
“Then there's the mentally challenged worker. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.”
The agent looked at his clip board and said, “That's the guy I want to talk to...the mentally challenged one.”
“Oh,” said the farmer, “That would be me.”

I bind it and it walks. I loose it and it stops.

Who was the first American astronaut to walk in space ?

First guy proudly: "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

What do you serve that you can't eat?

_____ ______ signed into law the first U. S. copyright act. What date ?

Work vs Prison

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

In prison you get 3 meals a day. At work you get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison a guard locks, unlocks, opens and closes all doors for you. At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all doors yourself.

In prison you get your own toilet. At work you have to share.

In prison they allow you to visit your family and friends. At work you can't even speak to family and friends.

In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required. At work, you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out. At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars.

In prison you can join many programs that you can leave at any time. At work there are some programs you can never get out of.

In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic and psychotic. At work we call them managers!

A man was born in 1935 and died in 1936. He was 72 years old when he died. How is this possible?

In 1959, The U. S. Army launched _____, a rhesus Monkey, and ___, a squirrel monkey, aboard a Jupiter missle for a sub- orbital flight which both primates survived.

I have an eye but I cannot see. I am stronger and faster than any man alive but I have no limbs. What am I?