ochoop17's Blog

Who always drives his customers away?

Who was the first woman to be executed in the electric chair ?

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to
visit on his vacation.

He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well
groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep
him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been
operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a
dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've
never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and
disorderly. and I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes,
indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for
you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

Pronounced as one letter, And written with three, Two letters there are, And two only in me. I' double, I' single, I' black, blue, and gray, I' read from both ends, And the same either way. What am I?

_____ marketed the first electric razor in 1931.

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge

The seventh planet of the solar system, ______,was discovered by _________.

WHY ? ......

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it call "after dark" when it really is "after light" ?
12. Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?
14. Why do 'overlook and 'oversee' mean opposite things?
15. Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why wasn't Bertha put in jail after killing dozens of people?

St. Joseph, Columbia & Blue Spring are cities in what State ?

John and Ed walked into a bar. Ed: "What do you want to drink, Jackass?

"John: "A..A...A pa...pa..pi..pint o..of gi...gi..gi Guinness A..a pint of Guinness, please."

Ed goes up to the bar. "Two pints of Guinness for me and my mate Jackass."

Ed takes the drinks back. "Here you go, Jackass."

Later when they had finished their drinks, Ed says to John, "It's your round, Jackass. Go get us a pint o' Guinness."

John goes to the bar. "T..T...T..two pa..pa...pa..pi..pints o..o..of gi.. gin..gi..Guinness. Two pints of Guinness, please."

When the barman was sure Ed wasn't listening he said, "I think it's awful him calling you Jackass all the time." John says, "Oh, he..aw, he..aw, he..aw, he..awlways calls me that."

I was born around 1860 and died 1943.

My mother Mary was afraid I woundn¹t live long because I was so

thin and sickly.

I made 300 useful things out of peanuts.

The Alamo in San Antonio, Texas. fell to the Mexican forces after a __ -day siege.

Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting."

So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there."

Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"

Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too."

So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg.

Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"

The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg.

The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more f***king ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"