ochoop17's Blog

An elderly priest was upset with the things he was hearing during Saturday confessions. After his sermon one Sunday morning, he said to his congregation, "I'm tired of hearing so many people tell me in confession that they have cheated. For thirty years, people have been saying to me "I have cheated with Anthony... I have cheated with Mary... I have cheated with Frankie." I am sick and tired of hearing this word. From now on, when you come into my confessional, you will say "I have fallen with Anthony, or with Mary, or with Frankie." No more using the word CHEAT. It will be FALL."

About a year later, the old priest retired and was replaced by a younger man. No one thought to tell the new priest about the change of words in the confessional. After hearing his first round of Saturday confessions, the young priest went to the mayor of the town and said to him, "Mr. Mayor, you are going to have to do something about the deplorable condition of the streets and sidewalks in this town. Everybody is telling me they are falling all over the place." The mayor immediately understood the problem, and he leaned back in his chair and laughed.

The priest was puzzled, and said, "Mr. Mayor, you shouldn't be laughing! Your wife told me that just last week she fell three times!"

In 19--:The notorious Hope Diamond was sold by jeweler ______to socialites Edward and Evalyn Mc Lean of Washington, D.C., for $______.

They have not flesh nor feathers nor scales nor bone. Yet they have fingers and thumbs of their own

A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune teller’s tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down. “Ah…” said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. “I see you are the father of two children.” “That’s what you think!” said the man scornfully. “I’m the father of THREE children.” The woman grinned and said, “That’s what YOU think!”

Who had a hit in the 1980s with " Sweet Love "?

Why can't Kevin Laroche, who is now living in Canada, not be buried in the USA ?

Doesn't It Annoy You When...

1. ...there's a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is nowhere to be found?
   
   
2. ...you buy an answering machine so you won't miss any calls, and then everyone hangs up when they hear the machine answer?
   
   
3. ...there's a cop car in sight and everyone thinks they have to drive 10-15 mph slower than the speed limit?
   
   
4. ...you're reading a magazine and all those annoying little subscription cards keep falling out?
   
   
5. ...you tell someone that a door is locked and they try to open it anyway, like it'll magically open for them and not you.
   
   
6. ...someone says, "well, to make a long story short" and then they go on telling it for another 15 minutes.
   
   
7. ...a friend or family member says "Yuck! This is awful!!" and then tells you to try some.
   
   
8. ...you have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just looking around.
   
   
9. ...you rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
   
   
10. ...a waiter or waitress is not around at any time other than right after you put food in your mouth.
    
    
11. ...your tire gauge lets half the air in your tire when all you want is a pressure reading.
    
    
12. ...there's a dog in your neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
    
    
13. ...the power goes out, and you discover every flashlight you have has dead batteries.
    
    
14. ...someone gets in the express lane at the supermarket and writes a check or uses a credit card.
    
    
15. ...the elevator stops at every floor and nobody gets on.
    
    
16. ...you almost ALWAYS back up your computer files but the week you don't, your hard drive crashes and you lose everything.
    
    

In basketball,did Hakeem Olajuwon play his entire career with the Houston Rockets ?

Why should you never mention the number 288 in front of anyone?

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."

The United States paid Denmark ______million for the _____Island in 1917.

What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their religion or politics, agreed is between heaven and earth?

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me....It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.

She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

Did Dominique Wilkins Play his entire NBA career with the Atlanta Hawks ?

The word CANDY can be spelled using just 2 letters. Can you figure out how?