ochoop17's Blog

A horse is tied to a 15 ft. rope and there is a bail of hay 25 ft. away from him. Yet the horse is able to eat from the bail of hay. How is this possible ? 

At a local college dance, a guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance.

 

While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, “In America, we call this a hug.”

 

She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too.”

 

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, “In America, we call this a kiss.”

 

She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too.”

 

Toward the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, “In America, we call this a grass sandwich.”

 

She says, “Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it.”

Based on the laws of the U.S. Constitution, there are five
requirements a person must meet in order to become
President of the United States: The candidate:

must be at least 35 years old
must be a citizen of the United States
must have resided in the United States for at least 14 years
must have been born in the United States

There is one more requirement. What is it

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

Take off my skin - I won't cry, but you will! What am I?

Things Found Only in America

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Whoever makes it, tells it not. Whoever takes it, knows it not. Whoever knows it, wants it not. What is it?

A little boy goes up to his father and asks: “Dad, what’s the difference between hypothetical and reality?”

 

The father replies, “Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she’d have sex with the mailman for $500,000.”

 

The boy goes and asks his mother: “Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?”

 

The mother replies, “Hell yes I would!”

 

The little boy returns to his father. “Dad, she said ‘Hell yes I would!’”

 

The father then says, “OK, now go and ask your older sister if she’d have sex with her principal for $500,000.”

 

The boy asks his sister, “Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?”

 

The sister replies: “Hell yes I would!”

 

He returns to his father. “Dad, she said ‘Hell yes I would!’”

 

The father answers, “OK, son, here’s the deal: Hypothetically, we’re millionaires, but in reality, we’re just living with a couple of wh***s.”

A 6-foot tall Magician had a water glass and was holding the glass above his head. He let it drop to the carpet without spilling a single drop of water.

How could he manage to drop the glass from a height of six feet and not spill a drop of water?

Two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, he was a widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another as the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of 'careful consideration', she answered "Yes. Yes, I will."

The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to Their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to The telephone and called her.

First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I Meant it with all my heart. "Then she continued, "I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."

I can be long, or I can be short. I can be grown, and I can be bought. I can be painted, or left bare. I can be round, or square. What am I?

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a Parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, ‘Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?’

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!

Then I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn’t care. My car was parked around the corner

A petshop owner had a parrot with a sign on its cage that said "Parrot repeats everything it hears". Davey bought the parrot and for two weeks he spoke to it and it didn't say a word. He returned the parrot but the shopkeeper said he never lied about the parrot. How can this be?

When I point up it's bright,
but when I point down it's dark.


What am I?