ochoop17's Blog

Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the heck out of the dog.

Jan. --,1861: __________ becomes the fifth state to secede from the Union.

Until I am measured I am not known.
Yet how you miss me when I have flown

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."

She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.

The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."

She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."

A toxicologist says that Alexander the Great’s death may have been caused by drinking toxic wine. And you thought your HMO was a little slow in getting back lab results.

Jan.14, 1943:President Franklin D. Roosevelt, ___________ and ____________open a wartime summit in Casablanca.

I can be long, or I can be short. I can be grown, and I can be bought. I can be painted, or left bare. I can be round, or square. What am I?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?

Jan.11, 1913:The first enclosed sedan-type automobile, a _______, goes on display at the 13th National Automobile Show in _______.

I can sizzle like bacon,
I am made with an egg,
I have plenty of backbone, but lack a good leg,
I peel layers like onions, but still remain whole,
I can be long, like a flagpole, yet fit in a hole.

Paula, a mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter Janet's plane to land. Janet had just come back from abroad trying to find adventure during her gap year. As Janet was exiting the plane, Paula noticed a man directly behind her daughter dressed in feathers with exotic markings all over his body and carrying a shrunken head. Janet introduced this man as her new husband.

Paula gasped out loud in disbelief and disappointment and screamed, 'I said for you to marry a rich Doctor .... a rich Doctor!'

Jan. 8, 19--: Rock-'n'-roll legend __________ is born in ______, Miss.

I saw an unusual book:
The foreword comes after the epilogue;
The end is in the first half of the book;
The index comes before the introduction.

Name the book

Men socialize by insulting each other, but they don’t really mean it. Women socialize by complimenting each other, and they don’t really mean it either.

Jan. 5, 1781:A British naval expedition led by _____________ burns ________, Va.