jarasan's Blog

Spry.

 

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he really loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit-flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your Count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

WOW!

The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then turned off.

Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near the location.

Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the USMC Base Commander.

The reply came back in true USMC style:

Thank you for your letter. We can now complete the file on this incident.

You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.

Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position.

The pilot also suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech.

Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar. It appears the filling is loose.  Also, the snap is broken on his holster.

USAmerican engineering,  the best in the world.  Beauty in motion, notice the phrase capable of "catching up to................."

Having the radar signature of a robin…………………

 

They're the first military aircraft ever built that is equipped with a 'black-out button' What that means is this ... The best conditioned fighter pilots are capable of maintaining consciousness up to in the vicinity of 15+ G. The Raptor is capable of making 22+ G turns. If someday an adversary builds a missile that is capable of catching up to one of these airplanes and a Raptor pilot sees that a strike is imminent, he hits the 'b.o.b.' and the airplane makes a virtual U-turn, leaving the missile to pass right on by.

They know that in the process he'll temporarily lose consciousness,

so the Raptor then automatically comes back to straight and level

flight until he wakes.

Thanksgiving Divorce

 A man in  Jacksonville calls his son in San Diego the day before
 Thanksgiving and says, 'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell
 you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery
 is enough.

 'Pop, what are you talking about?' the son screams. We can't
stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says. 'We're sick
of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in
 Denver and tell her.'

 Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. 'Like
 heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this,'

 She calls  Jacksonville immediately, and screams at her father, 'You
 are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there.
 I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.
 Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.

 The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay,' he
says, 'they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.'
 

A MODERN PARABLE

A Japanese company (Toyota) and an American company (Ford) decided to  have a canoe race on the Missouri River .  Both teams practiced long and  hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

 

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

 

The Americans, very  discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the

reason for the crushing defeat.  A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person  rowing. 

 

Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting  company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.

They advised, of  course, that too many people were steering the canoe while

not enough people were rowing. 

 

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese,  the rowing team's management structure was totally

reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents, and 

1 assistant superintendent steering manager.   

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person  rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder.  It was the  'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners, and free pens for the rower.  There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes,   and  other equipment,  extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. 

 

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

   

Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for   poor 

performance, halted   development of a new canoe, sold the paddles,   and 

canceled all capital   investments for new equipment.  The money saved   was 

distributed to the   Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's   racing 

team was out-sourced   to India.

   

Sadly, The   End.   

Here's something else   to think about: 

Ford has spent the   last thirty years moving all its factories out of   the 

US, claiming they   can't make money paying American wages.

TOYOTA has spent the   last thirty years building more than a dozen   plants 

inside the US .

 

The last quarter's results: 

TOYOTA makes 4   billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in   losses.

 

Ford folks are still   scratching their heads.

IF THIS   WEREN'T TRUE, IT MIGHT BE   FUNNY.............................

WISDOM     FROM THE MILITARY  MANUAL

 

“If the enemy is in range, so are you.”     Infantry Journal

 

  “It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.”   U.S.Air Force Manual

 

  “Whoever  said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.”     General MacArthur

                                                                                           

“You,  you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me.”     U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

                                                                                             

“Tracers work both ways.”     U.S. Army Ordnance

                                                                                           

“Five second fuses only last three seconds.”     Infantry Journal

                                                                                           

“Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.”

                                                                                           

“Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.”     Unknown Marine Recruit

                                                                                                               

“If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him.”     USAF Ammo Troop

                                                                                           

“Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death , I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing.”

                                                                                           

“You’ve never been lost until you’ve been lost at Mach 3.”     Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

                                                                                           

“The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.”

                                                                                           

“If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it’s probably a helicopter—and therefore, unsafe.”

                                                                                           

“When one engine fails on a twin engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.”

                                                                                           

“Even with ammunition,  the USAF is just another expensive flying club.”

                                                                                         

“What  is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, ...... The pilot dies.”

             

“Never trade luck for skill.”

 

The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation  are:

 

“Why is it doing that?”

“Where are we?”

And "Oh  $h1t!"

                                                                                         

“Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.”

                                                                                       

“Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!”

                                                                                         

“Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.”

                                                                                           

“The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.”     Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

                                                                                           

“There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.” Sign over squadron ops desk at DavisMonthan AFB, AZ, 1970

                                                                                           

“If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.”

                                                                                           

“You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.”

                                                                                           

As  the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off  the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks,

“What happened?”

The pilot’s reply: “I don’t know, I just got here myself!”

Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

 

I have fought a good  fight, I have finished my  course,

I have kept the faith.   .

2 Timothy iv.  7

An inspirational poem........

'Twas the night before elections
And all through the town
Tempers were flaring
Emotions all up and down!

I, in my bathrobe
With a cat in my lap
Had cut off the TV
Tired of political crap.

When all of a sudden
There arose such a noise
I peered out of my window
Saw Obama and his boys

They had come for my wallet
They wanted my pay
To give to the others
Who had not worked a day!

He snatched up my money
And quick as a wink
Jumped back on his bandwagon
As I gagged from the stink

He then rallied his henchmen
Who were pulling his cart
I could tell they were out
To tear my country apart!

' On Fannie, on Freddie,
On Biden and Ayers!
On Acorn, On Pelosi'
He screamed at the pairs!

They took off for his cause
And as he flew out of sight
I heard him laugh at the nation
Who wouldn't stand up and fight!

So I leave you to think
On this one final note-
IF YOU DONT WANT SOCIALISM
GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!

This is from the Wall Street Journal, with intro from Rush.  The hypnotism explained. Fouad Ajami.  Let me tell you who he is.  You've seen him on television.  You may not know exactly who he is.  He is professor of Middle Eastern Studies at the School of Advanced International Studies at Johns Hopkins University and an adjunct research fellow at Stanford's Hoover Institution.  His piece in the Wall Street Journal today, "Obama and the Politics of Crowds: The Masses Greeting the Candidate on the Trail are a Sign of Great Unease." I could read the whole thing to you.  It is just profound.  He says, "There is something odd -- and dare I say novel -- in American politics about the crowds that have been greeting Barack Obama on his campaign trail. Hitherto, crowds have not been a prominent feature of American politics. "We associate them with the temper of Third World societies. We think of places like Argentina and Egypt and Iran, of multitudes brought together by their zeal for a Peron or a Nasser or a Khomeini. In these kinds of societies, the crowd comes forth to affirm its faith in a redeemer: a man who would set the world right. As the late Nobel laureate Elias Canetti observes in his great book, 'Crowds and Power' (first published in 1960), the crowd is based on an illusion of equality: Its quest is for that moment when 'distinctions are thrown off and all become equal. It is for the sake of this blessed moment, when no one is greater or better than another, that people become a crowd.' "These crowds, in the tens of thousands, who have been turning out for the [Obama] in St. Louis and Denver and Portland, are a measure of American distress.  On the face of it, there is nothing overwhelmingly stirring about Sen. Obama. There is a cerebral quality to him, and an air of detachment. He has eloquence, but within bounds. After nearly two years on the trail, the audience can pretty much anticipate and recite his lines. The political genius of the man is that he is a blank slate. The devotees can project onto him what they wish. The coalition that has propelled his quest -- African-Americans and affluent white liberals -- has no economic coherence. But for the moment, there is the illusion of a common undertaking -- Canetti's feeling of equality within the crowd. "The day after, the crowd will of course discover its own fissures. The affluent will have to pay for the programs promised the poor. The redistribution agenda that runs through Mr. Obama's vision is anathema to the Silicon Valley entrepreneurs and the hedge-fund managers now smitten with him. Their ethos is one of competition and the justice of the rewards that come with risk and effort. All this is shelved, as the devotees sustain the candidacy of a man whose public career has been a steady advocacy of reining in the market and organizing those who believe in entitlement and redistribution.  A creature of universities and churches and nonprofit institutions, the Illinois senator, with the blessing and acquiescence of his upscale supporters, has glided past these hard distinctions. "On the face of it, it must be surmised that his affluent devotees are ready to foot the bill for the new order, or are convinced that after victory the old ways will endure, and that Mr. Obama will govern from the center. Ambiguity has been a powerful weapon of this gifted candidate: He has been different things to different people, and he was under no obligation to tell this coalition of a thousand discontents, and a thousand visions, the details of his political programs: redistribution for the poor, postracial absolution and 'modernity' for the upper end of the scale.  It was no accident that the white working class was the last segment of the population to sign up for the Obama journey. "Their hesitancy was not about race. They were men and women of practicality; they distrusted oratory, they could see through the falseness of the solidarity offered by this campaign. They did not have much, but believed in the legitimacy of what little they had acquired. They valued work and its rewards. They knew and heard of staggering wealth made by the Masters of the Universe, but held onto their faith in the outcomes that economic life decreed. The economic hurricane that struck America some weeks ago shook" these people, the white working class, "to the core. They now seek protection, the shelter of the state, and the promise of social repair.

"The bonuses of the wizards who ran the great corporate entities had not bothered them. It was the spectacle of the work of the wizards melting before our eyes that unsettled them.  Daniel Patrick Moynihan, the late Democratic senator from New York, once set the difference between American capitalism and the older European version by observing that America was the party of liberty, whereas Europe was the party of equality. Just in the nick of time for the Obama candidacy, the American faith in liberty began to crack. The preachers of America's decline in the global pecking order had added to the panic. "Our best days were behind us, the declinists prophesied. The sun was setting on our imperium, and rising in other lands.  A younger man, 'cool' and collected, carrying within his own biography the strands of the world beyond America's shores, was put forth as a herald of the change upon us. The crowd would risk the experiment. There was grudge and a desire for retribution in the crowd to begin with. Akin to the passions that have shaped and driven highly polarized societies, this election has at its core a desire to settle the unfinished account of the presidential election eight years ago. George W. Bush's presidency remained, for his countless critics and detractors, a tale of usurpation. "He had gotten what was not his due; more galling still, he had been bold and unabashed, and taken his time at the helm as an opportunity to assert an ambitious doctrine of American power abroad. He had waged a war of choice in Iraq.  This election is the rematch that John Kerry had not delivered on. In the fashion of the crowd that seeks and sees the justice of retribution, Mr. Obama's supporters have been willing to overlook his means," and who he is. "So a candidate pledged to good government and to ending the role of money in our political life opts out of public financing of presidential campaigns. What of it? The end justifies the means.   "[Except] in times of national peril, Americans have been sober, really minimalist, in what they expected out of national elections, out of politics itself. The outcomes that mattered were decided in the push and pull of daily life, by the inventors and the entrepreneurs, and the captains of industry and finance. To be sure, there was a measure of willfulness in this national vision, for politics and wars guided the destiny of this republic. But that American sobriety and skepticism about politics -- and leaders -- set this republic apart from political cultures that saw redemption lurking around every corner.  My boyhood, and the Arab political culture I have been chronicling for well over three decades, are anchored in the Arab world. "And the tragedy of Arab political culture has been the unending expectation of the crowd -- the street, we call it -- in the redeemer who will put an end to the decline, who will restore faded splendor and greatness. When I came into my own, in the late 1950s and '60s, those hopes were invested in the Egyptian Gamal Abdul Nasser. He faltered, and broke the hearts of generations of Arabs. But the faith in the Awaited One lives on, and it would forever circle the Arab world looking for the next redeemer.  America is a different land, for me exceptional in all the ways that matter. In recent days, those vast Obama crowds, though, have recalled for me the politics of charisma that wrecked Arab and Muslim societies. "A leader does not have to say much, or be much. The crowd is left to its most powerful possession -- its imagination.  From Elias Canetti again: 'But the crowd, as such, disintegrates. It has a presentiment of this and fears it. ... Only the growth of the crowd prevents those who belong to it from creeping back under their private burdens.'  The morning after the election, the disappointment will begin to settle upon the Obama crowd. Defeat -- by now unthinkable to the devotees -- will bring heartbreak. Victory will steadily deliver the sobering verdict that our troubles won't be solved by a leader's magic."  That's Fouad Ajami trying to explain the fascination of Obama's crowds.   They want a redeemer.  They, in times of economic stress, simply look at him as the great equalizer, and they are going to find out... The great point in here about Silicon Valley and how competitive and cutthroat competitive they are out there, how they're all just smitten with Obama, and at some point he's going to burn 'em. Obama is going to burn all these people that support him, and they are in utter denial about it.  They think that, "Oh, no, he's not that bad. He's not that bad."  All of our conservative intellectualoid pseudointellectuals believe the same. "Oh, he's not going to be a leftist. He'll govern from the center."  So the imagination, the faith: He's a blank slate.  You don't listen to what he says. You don't listen to what he says he's going to do. You ignore all of that, because the crowd has made of Obama what they want him to be.

This is pretty funny. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ah9W24oMIRc

Enjoy.

I got this in an e-mail, what do you think?

Subject:    Notice to all your company name here employees  - A  profound statement of  HOPE!

Notice to All your company name here Employees

 

As of November 5, 2008, when President Barry Obama is officially elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:

 

1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales bonuses into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you.  This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a "fair shake". 

 

2. All low level workers will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst you.  This will help those who are "too busy for overtime" to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.

 

3. All top management will now be referred to as "the government."  We will not participate in this "pooling" experience because the law doesn't apply to us.

 

4. The "government" will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging its workers to continue to work hard "for the good of all."

 

5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's "good to spread the wealth."  Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an  opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more "patriotic".

 

6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks.  Don't feel bad though, because President Barry Obama will give you free health care, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage.  If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?)!!!

 

If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to rethink your vote on November 4th.

See if you can read to the end,  just facts. 

Obama Would Fail Security Clearance

By  Daniel Pipes

 

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com| With Colin Powellnow repeating the lie that Barack Obama has "always been a Christian," despite new information further confirming Obama's Muslim childhood(such as the Indonesian school registrationlisting him as Muslim), one watches with dismay as the Democratic candidate manages to hide the truth on this issue.

Instead, then, let us review a related subject - Obama's connections and even indebtedness, throughout his career, to extremist Islam. Specifically, he has longstanding, if indirect ties to two institutions, the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR), listed by the U.S. government in 2007 as an unindicted co-conspiratorin a Hamas-funding trial; and the Nation of Islam (NoI), condemned by the Anti-Defamation Leaguefor its "consistent record of racism and anti-Semitism."

First, Obama's ties to Islamists:

 

   •

The Khalid al-Mansour connection: According to former Manhattan Borough president Percy Sutton, Al-Mansour "was raising money for" Obama's expenses at Harvard Law School. Al-Mansour, a black American (n? Don Warden), became advisorto Saudi prince Al-Walid bin Talal, CAIR's largest individual donor. Al-Mansour holds standard Islamist views: he absolves the Islamist government in Sudan of sponsoring slavery, he denies a Jewish tie to Jerusalem, and he wrote a booklet titled " Americans Beware! The Zionist Plot Against S. Arabia." (Both Obama and al-Mansour deny Sutton's account.)

   •

Kenny Gamble, or Luqman Abdul-Haqq, "amir" of the United Muslim Movement.

The Kenny Gamble(also known as Luqman Abdul-Haqq) connection: Gamble, a once-prominent pop music producer, cut the ribbon to the Obama campaign headquarters housed in a south Philadelphia building he owns. Gamble is an Islamist who buys large swaths of real estate in Philadelphia to create a Muslim-only residential area. Also, as the self-styled "amir" of the United Muslim Movement, he has many links to Islamist organizations, including CAIRand the Muslim Alliance in North America. (MANA's "amir" is Siraj Wahhaj, an unindicted co-conspirator in the 1993 World Trade Center bombing.)    •

The Mazen Asbahiconnection: The Obama campaign's first Muslim outreach coordinator resigned after it came to light that he had served on the board of a subsidiary of the Saudi-sponsored North American Islamic Trust, with Jamal Said, another unindicted co-conspirator in the 2007 Hamas funding trial. Asbahi has ties to CAIR's Chicagoand Detroitoffices, to the Islamic Society of North America, yet another unindicted co-conspirator in the Hamas funding trial, and to other Islamist organizations.

   •

The Minha Husainiconnection: The campaign's second Muslim outreach coordinator has an Islamist background, having served as an intern in the Muslim Public Service Network. Immediately upon her appointment by Obama, she met with a group of about thirty Muslims including such notorious figures as CAIR's Nihad Awad; the Muslim American Society's Mahdi Bray, who has publicly supported the Hamas and Hezbollahterrorist groups; and Johari Abdul Malikof the Dar Al-Hijrah Mosque in Falls Church, Va., who has advised American Muslims: "You can blow up bridges, but you cannot kill people who are innocent on their way to work."

 

Second, Obama's ties to the Nation of Islam:

 

Louis Farrakhan, who calls Obama "the Messiah."

Obama's long-time donor and ally Antoin "Tony" Rezko partnered for nearly three decades with Jabir Herbert Muhammad, a son of NoI leader Elijah Muhammad, and says he gave Jabir and his family "millions of dollars over the years." Rezko also served as executive director of the Muhammad Ali Foundation, a rogue organization that, without Ali's permission, exploited the name of this CAIR awardee. Jeremiah Wright, Obama's esteemed pastor for twenty years, came out of a Nation background, recently he accepted protection from an NoI security detail, and has praised Louis Farrakhan, the NoI's leader, as one of the "giants of the African American religious experience." Wright's church celebrated Farrakhan for his having "truly epitomized greatness."

Farrakhan himself endorsed Obama, calling him " the hope of the entire world," "one who can lift America from her fall," and even " the Messiah."

That Obama's biography touches so frequently on such unsavory organizations as CAIR and the Nation of Islam should give pause. How many of politicians have a single tie to either group, much less seven of them? John McCaincharitably calls Obama "a person you do not have to be scared [of] as president of the United States," but Obama's multiple links to anti-Americans and subversives mean he would fail the standard security clearance process for Federal employees.

Islamic aggression represents America's strategic enemy; Obama's many insalubrious connections raise grave doubts about his fitness to serve as America's commander-in-chief.