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UK lottery winner recounts downsides of winning

Topic closed. 44 replies. Last post 3 years ago by Astekblue.

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Teddi's avatar - Lottery-008.jpg

United States
Member #142499
May 13, 2013
1186 Posts
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Posted: December 29, 2013, 4:04 pm - IP Logged

You don't have to be anonymous to refuse to discuss your personal business with anyone, even if they are your relatives or call themselves your friends. 

I'm not rich now and if I ever won a lottery jackpot I can't think of any reason to start treating my relatives and friends any different even if they suspected I had come into some extra money.

The problem with that is that you don't have to discuss it with anyone and it's still in everyone's face. You don't have to discuss what you're going to do with the with the money with anyone but they'll still know how much you have, it'll still be a topic of discussion for them. It's one thing for friends and family members to assume you're doing financially well (say from a very good job or good investments) and another entirely for them to know you're filthy rich and how much you're worth down to the penny.

And you don't have to treat them any differently, they'll take care of that for you. 

I refuse to believe that every single lottery winner was surrounded by all shallow friends and family members. And yet, they all say the same thing: people they thought they knew started treating them differently. Friendships changed. Relationships ended. 

We all hear these stories and glibly say that these people were never really their friends so they were better off. But does that change the fact that they lost the friendship of someone they were close with? Someone they cared about deeply?

I've had friends I've lost who I can honestly say, thank goodness because I never knew what they were really like untl XYZ happened. And yet, it didn't change the fact that the situation caused me a great deal of pain to find that out. Imagine finding that out about a bunch of people you deemed your friends all because you came into some money.

The end result doesn't make going through it any less painful or stressful and/or sad. I think one person here and there over years wouldn't bother most people that much, it comes with being an adult; but for lottery winners, it seems to all happen in a short period of time. And that bothers a great deal of them. As I imagine it would bother most of us too.

    Lucky4Life's avatar - batman14

    United States
    Member #85037
    January 7, 2010
    252 Posts
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    Posted: December 29, 2013, 6:24 pm - IP Logged

    Can I tell you a little secret?  come close....closer...closer stillll. YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO HAVE A PROBLEM FREE LIFE!!! It does not exist.  You will always trade one set of problems for another, especially when you make a quantum leap such as this.  At this present moment I am struggling to put food on the table.  The market changed in my work situation and my pay has plummetted.  Thinking about how to pay for my children's college is no longer an option, it just makes me a million times more depressed.  I know if I won some money people would treat me differently and yes I may lose friends but you know what? I will take that any day over this constant struggle and heartache.  The people that DO matter will always be there.  Money is an excellent filter.  If I won millions of dollars I would move anyway and definitely not buy people houses.  i don't want to pay the taxes on that.  Jesus christ people are really stupid.  I'm sorry but they really can be. It really irritates the living horse poo out of me when i hear these whiney winners.

      RedStang's avatar - tallman zps6gf4inoc.jpg
      NY
      United States
      Member #121961
      January 21, 2012
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      Posted: December 29, 2013, 7:34 pm - IP Logged

      A downside would be a flat tire or a rainy day. Not sure what kind of Tool this guy is, but only a screwdriver, hammer, or pliers would have a downside after winning a jackpot.

        DDOH937's avatar - Lottery-062.jpg

        United States
        Member #149596
        December 4, 2013
        208 Posts
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        Posted: December 29, 2013, 8:03 pm - IP Logged

        Can I tell you a little secret?  come close....closer...closer stillll. YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO HAVE A PROBLEM FREE LIFE!!! It does not exist.  You will always trade one set of problems for another, especially when you make a quantum leap such as this.  At this present moment I am struggling to put food on the table.  The market changed in my work situation and my pay has plummetted.  Thinking about how to pay for my children's college is no longer an option, it just makes me a million times more depressed.  I know if I won some money people would treat me differently and yes I may lose friends but you know what? I will take that any day over this constant struggle and heartache.  The people that DO matter will always be there.  Money is an excellent filter.  If I won millions of dollars I would move anyway and definitely not buy people houses.  i don't want to pay the taxes on that.  Jesus christ people are really stupid.  I'm sorry but they really can be. It really irritates the living horse poo out of me when i hear these whiney winners.

        BRAVO!!!!!!! Well said my friend. You and I are in the same boat with this one. I just dont get it either. You know what you're talking about Lucky!!!

        "It's good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven't lost the things that money can't buy." - George Lorimer

          veganlife125's avatar - Lottery-061.jpg

          United States
          Member #142777
          May 18, 2013
          263 Posts
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          Posted: December 29, 2013, 11:41 pm - IP Logged

          I've known wealthy people, poor people, everybody in between. My conclusion: People are generally predictable. The people who will look for a handout or maybe outright ask you for a large percentage of your winnings just because, already do similar things at a smaller scale. Most people, at least if they aren't already suffering financially, will take pride in what they have and maybe be a bit jealous, but not so much. The issue with lottery money is that because you didn't earn it, people who knew you before the win don't really see it as *your* money, just money you were put in control of. Therefore, you parting with it isn't a big deal because you didn't have it to begin with. Then, conversely, it becomes a weird game of, knowing PRECISELY how much money a person has, everybody is paying close attention to your real assets: house, car(s), other items, etc. doing the math, figuring out what's left and so then if you give them too much, you're either a sap or insulting their ability to get by on their own and if you don't, well, like he said, you're stingy for such a rich guy. Then, if you spend any of the money on nice stuff, a lot of people will assume you're being purely careless with your money and if you don't spend it on nice stuff, a lot of people will think "Why did they play if they weren't going to use the money? I know how to use money. I should have that kind of money."

          It's a no win situation. If I win, I'll win in California, most likely, meaning my identity will be revealed. I already know the people who will hit me up for MILLIONS just because they feel like it. Those are people whose friendships I could already do without, so losing contact won't be guilt-inducing or complicated. As for family- my folks are retirement age and like to tell me they're pretty close to financially set so that if they wanted they could get a vacation property, pay off the house, etc. using their investments and so on, so giving them an extra couple million would probably make the difference. Though I could be wrong.

          Other family are pretty humble people who either just won't ask, or might even refuse to take it. And as much as I love them at a basic level, if we lost contact, it wouldn't affect anybody's lives. 

          The people I worry about are exes- both of the girlfriend and hook up varieties. I know for certain nobody can prove I sired a kid and I'm pretty sure nobody could try to sue me for giving them any STI's/STD's. The only other thing I can think of is the nebulous realm of rape, which has a six year statute of limitations. Meaning any girl I've hooked up with after drinking alcohol, or any girl I had relations with during an ugly bout in the relationship could possibly accuse me of rape...that's kind of scary. But, I figure if they wait a really long time to do it and only bother once I've won the lottery, most court systems would see right through that, right?

          Otherwise anybody suing or looking for a handout is gonna be a random stranger or nebulously connected acquaintance nobody has any way of accounting for.

          Of course I could be wrong about all of this- I'm known to be a somewhat paranoid guy to begin with.

          Recon MegaSuperPower some would be targeting you to have consensual sex and then cry rape with the dna evidence intact?   After your arrest, their lawyer would contact you and agree not to press charges for a million! 

          What choices will you have SuperMan?  Take alot of trips by yourself way out of state or country and introduce yourself as John Smith!  Otherwise date rich gals exclusively at that point!

          Cheers! Big Grin

          Don't forget to visit the Lottery Post Gift Shop!

            Bondi Junction
            Australia
            Member #57242
            December 24, 2007
            1102 Posts
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            Posted: December 30, 2013, 1:04 am - IP Logged

            The mistake they made was going public, the UK lottery allows winners to remain anonymous. When you win a large sum it must be hard not to share the good news with everyone, but many who do later regret it.  It may start innocently, with people asking to "borrow" 100 dollars for this and that, it not seem much and people feel mean if they do not give the money. But over time people ask larger amounts and arguments begin.

            We all get a lot out of lotteries!

              Avatar
              New Member
              Oakland, CA
              United States
              Member #149768
              December 8, 2013
              9 Posts
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              Posted: December 30, 2013, 2:02 pm - IP Logged

              Recon MegaSuperPower some would be targeting you to have consensual sex and then cry rape with the dna evidence intact?   After your arrest, their lawyer would contact you and agree not to press charges for a million! 

              What choices will you have SuperMan?  Take alot of trips by yourself way out of state or country and introduce yourself as John Smith!  Otherwise date rich gals exclusively at that point!

              Cheers! Big Grin

              Condoms. Screen shots of pertinent texts. Maybe even a consent form. Like I said, I'm just being paranoid because reading up on lottery winners I can't help but assume the worst from some people.

              But, like others said, if they're only threatening to press charges ATFER you've won the lottery, it's about being paid off, not necessarily seeing you go to jail. BTW I'm NOT trying to imply I think I did something wrong at some point or even know I did and worry it could come back to haunt me. I just know that once one person wins the lottery, suddenly the nature of relationships change, even if relationships were severed long before the win.

              Like, what's to stop an ex from saying "one night (less than six years ago) so-and-so (lottery winner) was sexually aggressive in a way I wasn't comfortable with, therefore I feel it was some kind of sexual assault."

              The big question for the courts would be- why wait until AFTER this person won millions to come forward, right?

              You can expand this to business stuff, too. You make preliminary arrangements or off-handed agreements with someone years in the past related to "if i win the lottery, because you're my (current, at the time) best friend/romantic partner, etc. I would totally give you a share of the winnings." and then you ACTUALLY WIN, but years after the fact, when circumstances have changed for one reason or another. Do you think someone would still have ANY grounds to come collecting?

              It's just amazing to me how civil litigation works sometimes. To the supposed victim goes the spoils. Like, when you hear of Hollywood types paying off former sexual partners or supposed business partners in an undisclosed settlement, I highly doubt it's because all the famous people are unscrupulous penny pinchers, but that it's easier to give someone some money to go away than to deal with the public awkwardness and prolonged sham legal battle by contesting their allegations.

                Teddi's avatar - Lottery-008.jpg

                United States
                Member #142499
                May 13, 2013
                1186 Posts
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                Posted: December 30, 2013, 8:32 pm - IP Logged

                Can I tell you a little secret?  come close....closer...closer stillll. YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO HAVE A PROBLEM FREE LIFE!!! It does not exist.  You will always trade one set of problems for another, especially when you make a quantum leap such as this.  At this present moment I am struggling to put food on the table.  The market changed in my work situation and my pay has plummetted.  Thinking about how to pay for my children's college is no longer an option, it just makes me a million times more depressed.  I know if I won some money people would treat me differently and yes I may lose friends but you know what? I will take that any day over this constant struggle and heartache.  The people that DO matter will always be there.  Money is an excellent filter.  If I won millions of dollars I would move anyway and definitely not buy people houses.  i don't want to pay the taxes on that.  Jesus christ people are really stupid.  I'm sorry but they really can be. It really irritates the living horse poo out of me when i hear these whiney winners.

                I think you're missing th point or you didn't undrstand what I was trying to say. Because only a complete and total moron would ever think that life, no matter the circumstances would ever be problem free. I didn't think I needed to waste the time to add that caveat, since no one lives in candyland and this is the REAL world, but perhaps I was wrong. 

                The winners  who cry and say they wish they had never won are the idiots who always get themselves in bad situations and then blame the lottery for all their grief. 

                The winners who are thoughtful, caring, sweet and conscienscious, who try to advise others that it's not all champagne and caviar, reagrdless of their best intntions,I get what they are saying. And I'm not going to belittle their pain simply because they are now loaded. It's like people feel that just because they won the lottery they don't have the right to feel pain or anger at anything any more. They were put in positions, through no fault of their own, that hurt them. Should compassion disappear because they came into money? A perfect example of how they are treated differently even if they stay the same. 

                Take the JP out of the equation and you'd feel sorry for anyone getting sued by a greedy family member. Or anyone whose brother hires a hitman. Or anyone whose spouse trades them in for someone younger and more attractive. Make it a lottery winner and empathy becomes non-existent. 

                Now, I would gladly part ways with some family and 'friends' in exchange for being set for life. I'd definitely get over it. But I'm not going to pretend that the process wouldn't probably be painful for me or that they don't have the right to be upset simply because they are better off financially than I am.

                  Lucky4Life's avatar - batman14

                  United States
                  Member #85037
                  January 7, 2010
                  252 Posts
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                  Posted: December 30, 2013, 9:15 pm - IP Logged

                  I think you're missing th point or you didn't undrstand what I was trying to say. Because only a complete and total moron would ever think that life, no matter the circumstances would ever be problem free. I didn't think I needed to waste the time to add that caveat, since no one lives in candyland and this is the REAL world, but perhaps I was wrong. 

                  The winners  who cry and say they wish they had never won are the idiots who always get themselves in bad situations and then blame the lottery for all their grief. 

                  The winners who are thoughtful, caring, sweet and conscienscious, who try to advise others that it's not all champagne and caviar, reagrdless of their best intntions,I get what they are saying. And I'm not going to belittle their pain simply because they are now loaded. It's like people feel that just because they won the lottery they don't have the right to feel pain or anger at anything any more. They were put in positions, through no fault of their own, that hurt them. Should compassion disappear because they came into money? A perfect example of how they are treated differently even if they stay the same. 

                  Take the JP out of the equation and you'd feel sorry for anyone getting sued by a greedy family member. Or anyone whose brother hires a hitman. Or anyone whose spouse trades them in for someone younger and more attractive. Make it a lottery winner and empathy becomes non-existent. 

                  Now, I would gladly part ways with some family and 'friends' in exchange for being set for life. I'd definitely get over it. But I'm not going to pretend that the process wouldn't probably be painful for me or that they don't have the right to be upset simply because they are better off financially than I am.

                  "or you didn't undrstand what I was trying to say."

                   

                  My post was directed in no one particular...all I did was read the main article and reply.  I honestly don't even know what you posted, but I will go back and read it

                    rdgrnr's avatar - walt
                    Way back up in them dadgum hills, son!
                    United States
                    Member #73904
                    April 28, 2009
                    14903 Posts
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                    Posted: December 30, 2013, 9:55 pm - IP Logged

                    I've known wealthy people, poor people, everybody in between. My conclusion: People are generally predictable. The people who will look for a handout or maybe outright ask you for a large percentage of your winnings just because, already do similar things at a smaller scale. Most people, at least if they aren't already suffering financially, will take pride in what they have and maybe be a bit jealous, but not so much. The issue with lottery money is that because you didn't earn it, people who knew you before the win don't really see it as *your* money, just money you were put in control of. Therefore, you parting with it isn't a big deal because you didn't have it to begin with. Then, conversely, it becomes a weird game of, knowing PRECISELY how much money a person has, everybody is paying close attention to your real assets: house, car(s), other items, etc. doing the math, figuring out what's left and so then if you give them too much, you're either a sap or insulting their ability to get by on their own and if you don't, well, like he said, you're stingy for such a rich guy. Then, if you spend any of the money on nice stuff, a lot of people will assume you're being purely careless with your money and if you don't spend it on nice stuff, a lot of people will think "Why did they play if they weren't going to use the money? I know how to use money. I should have that kind of money."

                    It's a no win situation. If I win, I'll win in California, most likely, meaning my identity will be revealed. I already know the people who will hit me up for MILLIONS just because they feel like it. Those are people whose friendships I could already do without, so losing contact won't be guilt-inducing or complicated. As for family- my folks are retirement age and like to tell me they're pretty close to financially set so that if they wanted they could get a vacation property, pay off the house, etc. using their investments and so on, so giving them an extra couple million would probably make the difference. Though I could be wrong.

                    Other family are pretty humble people who either just won't ask, or might even refuse to take it. And as much as I love them at a basic level, if we lost contact, it wouldn't affect anybody's lives. 

                    The people I worry about are exes- both of the girlfriend and hook up varieties. I know for certain nobody can prove I sired a kid and I'm pretty sure nobody could try to sue me for giving them any STI's/STD's. The only other thing I can think of is the nebulous realm of rape, which has a six year statute of limitations. Meaning any girl I've hooked up with after drinking alcohol, or any girl I had relations with during an ugly bout in the relationship could possibly accuse me of rape...that's kind of scary. But, I figure if they wait a really long time to do it and only bother once I've won the lottery, most court systems would see right through that, right?

                    Otherwise anybody suing or looking for a handout is gonna be a random stranger or nebulously connected acquaintance nobody has any way of accounting for.

                    Of course I could be wrong about all of this- I'm known to be a somewhat paranoid guy to begin with.

                    "...any girl I had relations with..."

                    That reminded me of something that still makes me LMAO all these years later.

                    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB25eDhWImc

                      Avatar
                      New Member
                      Oakland, CA
                      United States
                      Member #149768
                      December 8, 2013
                      9 Posts
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                      Posted: December 30, 2013, 10:19 pm - IP Logged

                      "...any girl I had relations with..."

                      That reminded me of something that still makes me LMAO all these years later.

                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB25eDhWImc

                      Haha. Thanks to you I just spent 10 minutes watching Nutty Professor YouTube clips!

                        helpmewin's avatar - dandy
                        u$a
                        United States
                        Member #106665
                        February 22, 2011
                        19908 Posts
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                        Posted: December 31, 2013, 7:41 am - IP Logged

                        Haha. Thanks to you I just spent 10 minutes watching Nutty Professor YouTube clips!

                        Green laugh

                          Avatar
                          New York, NY
                          United States
                          Member #13514
                          April 7, 2005
                          235 Posts
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                          Posted: December 31, 2013, 11:49 am - IP Logged

                          Well it goes without saying that when you win the lottery your life will change even if you don't want it too.  Winning can be both a blessing and a curse. 

                          I sitll hope to win one day though!!!  LOL  White Bounce  Banana

                            Avatar
                            New Member

                            United States
                            Member #99150
                            October 20, 2010
                            11 Posts
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                            Posted: December 31, 2013, 2:46 pm - IP Logged

                            I've never understood this thing of people coming out of the woodwork wanting your money. I am related to several millionaires. They don't give me any of their money, nor do I expect them to.  I'd have no trouble dumping ANY friend or relative who felt entitled to my winnings. 

                            The truth is, if you have enough money to play the lottery, you've already hit Life's Lottery. You've got a roof over your head, heating and a/c, a refrigerator with food in it, hot and cold running water.  That's more than 90% of all the people on the planet have.  My lottery winnings would go to help save animals, to make life easier for the Wounded Warriors, to give a leg up to several hard working people I know of who show up with a smile on their faces every day and give it the best they've got.  It would NOT go to making my very comfortable friends and relatives rich.

                            Nor would it go to buying outrageously expenive toys or further decorating my house or my body.  At some point, I'd hope that people realize that lottery winnings are a golden opportunity to make thier lives mean something more than a closet full of expensive rags.

                              Astekblue's avatar - Tarlor
                              Kentucky
                              United States
                              Member #35086
                              March 12, 2006
                              10374 Posts
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                              Posted: December 31, 2013, 3:48 pm - IP Logged

                              I've never understood this thing of people coming out of the woodwork wanting your money. I am related to several millionaires. They don't give me any of their money, nor do I expect them to.  I'd have no trouble dumping ANY friend or relative who felt entitled to my winnings. 

                              The truth is, if you have enough money to play the lottery, you've already hit Life's Lottery. You've got a roof over your head, heating and a/c, a refrigerator with food in it, hot and cold running water.  That's more than 90% of all the people on the planet have.  My lottery winnings would go to help save animals, to make life easier for the Wounded Warriors, to give a leg up to several hard working people I know of who show up with a smile on their faces every day and give it the best they've got.  It would NOT go to making my very comfortable friends and relatives rich.

                              Nor would it go to buying outrageously expenive toys or further decorating my house or my body.  At some point, I'd hope that people realize that lottery winnings are a golden opportunity to make thier lives mean something more than a closet full of expensive rags.

                              Well   Said      thegrrrr8est        Well   Said    Thumbs Up

                               

                               

                              I  have  knew  a  few  as  friends 

                               

                              One  I  used  to  run  into  quite  often  at  a  country  store ,  a  millionaire  many  times

                               

                              We  would  sit  and  talk  now  and  then

                               

                              He  had  a  pretty  stressful  life , people always after him  legal  and otherwise ( always trying to set him up ) , and he was always running  around  trying to take care of what  he  had  and owned

                               

                              His name was Lewis

                               

                              We were talking one afternoon , and he looked at me real serious and said "  You know Gary , a man would be better off  if  he  didnt  have   nothing "

                               

                              I  smiled  at  him  and  said   " Your  gettin '  kinda  smart  in  your  old   age  ,   arent  you  Lewis "

                               

                              He  is  gone  on  now............I  miss  our  talks  we  used  to  have

                               

                              I   never  seen   any   U-haul 's    following  his   hearse