Ok, I seriously could not let this list go by without injecting my twisted sense of really bad humor into it. Oh and if I offend anyone, that makes it even better.
1. Money should be earned by honest, legal and morally right methods.
Seriously now, that would exclude every freaking politician out there.
2. One should marry a girl (or a boy) of his own or her own cultural and religious back- ground.
OK...where's the ACLU, I know those folks gonna protest like crazy about this one
3. Giving respect to the cultured and noble people.
Ah...so we shall return to the land of Kings and peasants, yeah right.
4. One should not have enmity, hatred or spite against anyone.
Try explaining that one to the hard core Christians, Muslims and Jews
5. Exercising control over one's sense organs.
Does this involve a vibrator and if so, battery or plug-in type? (oh, do you have a brand you like best, oh wait, wrong group, nevermind)
6. Giving up a place where the health of the body and the mind can be spoiled.
Uh huh...anyone care to help me explain to my wife why having a harem is a good thing for my health cause she really doesn't believe me?
7. Limiting the desires relating to home and being cautious in adhering to the norms of culture and religion.
Does this mean I have to stop flirting with all the women I meet out there?
8. Making an attempt to get free from sins. Having a fear of sin.
Who the devil wrote this, my Mom or some hardcore southern Baptist Preacher?
9. Conforming to the proper codes and customs of the society and the nation.
Woohoo...I declare this a clothing free nation and...oh wait...nevermind, there are a few that should wear something, make that Clothing Free on Hot Chicks only (I mean seriously, who really wants to look at a nude Dude huh?)
10. Winning a place in the heart of everyone; and captivating everyone's mind.
Oh hell no, if I can't tick off at least one person a day, my day hasn't been complete.
11. Spending money within one's income.
Oh man, the politicians really would object to this one.
12. Acting according to the time and situation.
Yeah, right and who is going to explain this one to the Police while they are arresting me for lewd and lescivious behavior?
Oh, uh, Officer, she bent over with that really short skirt and I just couldn't hold back. Does this mean we can't come back to Home Depot?
13. One should take care of one's parents and give them absolute protection; and render service to them.
Render service??? You mean all those damn dishes I washed while growing up don't count for nothing?
14. Maintaining familiarity with people who are cultured and noble.
You mean they don't put their pants on one leg at a time like I do?
15. One should not have enmity and grudge for benefactors at any time (one should be grateful to them).
Grateful my butt...what the hell took them so long to getting around to giving me what they was gonna give me?
16. Not taking more food when one has not digested the food taken; and fasting at such a time.
Ok...this one would really tick my stomach off at you.
17. Taking food according to the health of the body and its condition.
Oh come on now, who the devil really likes celery, brussel sprouts and bean curd besides hippy girls and girly boys?
18. Having devotion for and worshipping scholars and men of knowledge.
Uh huh...let's see how smart they really are by putting them on that new game show "Are you smarter then a Fifth Grader"
19. Renouncing all actions that are objectionable in the eyes of society and religion.
Oh just damn, to do that I would have to stop existing and I ain't going away that easily.
20. Endeavoring to support and maintain the members of one's family and those who seek our aid and refuge
Family hell, I did my best to tick them all off, intentionally.
As for Aid and Refuge, let them go to the France...oh wait, send too many at one time and the French will think it's an invasion and surrender and then the US will have to come rescue them...again. This is just a no win situation, even if we do send the Dixie Chicks back over there.
21. Taking a step after thinking of the consequences of one's action.
Consequences...man, holding an individual accountable for their own actions, this list really does want to tick off the Politicians.
22. Hearing only such things as will purify and perfect one's life.
Uh...so does this mean I have to get rid of my porn video collection?
23. Showing kindness to creatures in distress.
Does putting my car in reverse and running over whatever it was trying to cross the road again to make sure I put it out of it's misery apply here?
24. Observing the eight rules that make the intellect well developed and sharp and subtle.
Wait a cotton picking minute, you mean there are 8 more freaking rules to this 35? Sheesh...where does it end?!?!
25. Having high respect for virtues; and trying to get free from faults.
Well, as long as you don't ask my wife, I really don't think I have any faults.
As for virtues, the first guy I catch trying something with my daughter is gonna get a live demonstration of old school castration.
26. Thinking thus, "Mine is not the truth; but that which is truth is mine".
Uh...is that kinda like what I tell my Daughter "When I want your opinion, I will tell you what it is"?
27. One must attempt every day to acquire new knowledge.
Oh, so that is like being married, each day, my Wife has decided to change her mind, yet again and of course I wasn't doing it the way she wanted it done today even if it was what she said yesterday.
28. Rendering service to great men and benefactors.
Oh yeah, you know those Politicians would like this rule.
29. Trying to achieve the objectives of religiousness (Righteousness) Arth (Money) Kama (Desire).
Religion, money and desire? Oh wait, that would be the Pope, oh wait, if desire equals sex, does that disqualify me for being a Pope?
30. Thinking of place, time, and the perception.
Humm...am thinking, Her place, as quick as I can get there and will she think I am well endowed in spite of my big belly?
31. Estimating one's ability before plunqing into any action.
No way...I get paid to Estimate for a living, I absolutely refuse to do it on my time.
32. Co-operating in activities that bring about the welfare and development of society.
Uh huh...so this is when I make sure it's a nudist colony, yes?
33. Being benevolent to the helpless and the destitute.
What happened to kick em when their down...I mean they even put that in a song.
34. Giving respect to elders, spiritual superiors, disciplined People and the virtuous.
Ok, I understand respecting Virgins (at least until they ain't no more), but the rest of those folks ain't no better then me and if they think it's ok to look down their arrogant noses at me, I will have no issue flipping them off.
35. Being always cheerful and being soft and sweet-tempered
This might be ok if your a hot chick, but seriously, let a dude be like this and everyone will think he is gay.