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Tabloid lottery headlines

Topic closed. 48 replies. Last post 4 years ago by Coin Toss.

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Zeta Reticuli Star System
United States
Member #30470
January 17, 2006
10353 Posts
Offline
Posted: June 14, 2012, 12:23 am - IP Logged

A post maximum fun made about episodes of lottery fairy tales LP style gave me an idea.

Let's have some fun and make up tabloid lottery headlines or stories.

Here's a few for starters:

  • Powerball says all combinations played but no winner!
  • Oklahoma math professor perfects times travel, hits jackpot, lottery commission says he's cheating.
  • Steve Player admits he doesn't exist!
  • LP's very own Pumpi appointed Russian lotto czar, outlaws vodka
  • Lottery official admits some numbers left out of bowl on some nights
  • Lottery official admits ideas for new scratchers come from Area 51

Those who run the lotteries love it when players look for consistency in something that's designed not to have any.

Lep

There is one and only one 'proven' system, and that is to book the action. No matter the game, let the players pick their own losers.

    RedStang's avatar - tallman zps6gf4inoc.jpg
    NY
    United States
    Member #121961
    January 21, 2012
    3157 Posts
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    Posted: June 14, 2012, 1:03 am - IP Logged

    Man buys winning lotto ticket while sleep walking.

      Artemis's avatar - Alice
      New England
      United States
      Member #100508
      November 13, 2010
      96 Posts
      Offline
      Posted: June 14, 2012, 1:33 am - IP Logged

      Those bearing Patel surname banned from playing lottery


        United States
        Member #111442
        May 25, 2011
        6323 Posts
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        Posted: June 14, 2012, 5:17 am - IP Logged

        Maryland's self-proclaimed MM's Bonanza winner, Mirlande Wilson   Hippy    declares she will continue fighting to claim her share of the record

        $656 million jackpot.

         

        She continues to insist that the "real" winning ticket, is still hidden somewhere in the former McDonald's she once worked at. The franchise owner of

        that McDonald's also declared, that if indeed she could produce that winning ticket, Mirlande would be entitled to a free lifetime supply of McNuggets.

          mrylndw's avatar - Lottery-001.jpg
          Pennsylvania
          United States
          Member #127440
          May 1, 2012
          63 Posts
          Offline
          Posted: June 14, 2012, 5:30 am - IP Logged

          Powerball Winner Shares $500 Million With Entire 6 Block Neighborhood!Lovies


            United States
            Member #111442
            May 25, 2011
            6323 Posts
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            Posted: June 14, 2012, 6:07 am - IP Logged

            Last evenings lone Iowa winner of the $241 million Powerball jackpot came forward. She revealed that she had been a long time member of the

            "Lottery Post", an online lottery discussion and prediction site. Still in shock from her big win, she indicated that all regular members would be

            upgraded to "Platinum" status immediately. Merry Christmas to all my LP friends she sang!!!  Noel

              maximumfun's avatar - Lottery-030.jpg
              Lavender Rocket

              United States
              Member #124616
              March 16, 2012
              2642 Posts
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              Posted: June 14, 2012, 8:13 am - IP Logged

              In a freak lottery win - 2,783 players from all across the US all had the winning combination.  Expecting the link to be a fortune cookie, lottery officials are amazed to find the common link was Lottery Post - THE leading online Lottery website. (Each winner will take home 7,300$ of the 30M$ jackpot)

              Lottery pool success story:  all 9 member of the Morris Plains, NJ pool agree to donate 1/10 of their ticket winnings to the local highschool for enrichment programs.

              During a wackadoo moment - lottery winner from Princeton, NJ contacts all ex-girlfriends (all 287 of them) and gives them each an equal share of the prize winnings.

              Branchville NJ - population 815 - where 763 members of the local lottery pool met at Victoria Diner to celebrate their win.  The remaining 52 members got lost since they still think of the place as "Jim's luncheonette".

              Lottery fever at new high as NJ's Hampton Township residents and many outsiders scour the Bear Swamp Wildlife Management area looking for 'lost ticket' local hiker claimed was lost there yesterday.

                Coin Toss's avatar - shape barbed.jpg
                Zeta Reticuli Star System
                United States
                Member #30470
                January 17, 2006
                10353 Posts
                Offline
                Posted: June 14, 2012, 11:41 am - IP Logged

                Powerball says four winners hit record jackpot, one in Utah, one in Nevada, one in Alabama, and one in Hawaii.

                Scared

                 

                Fortune cookie company says their biggest client is Steve Player!

                Those who run the lotteries love it when players look for consistency in something that's designed not to have any.

                Lep

                There is one and only one 'proven' system, and that is to book the action. No matter the game, let the players pick their own losers.

                  djklaugh's avatar - Lottery-031.jpg
                  Portland,Oregon
                  United States
                  Member #14387
                  April 25, 2005
                  229 Posts
                  Offline
                  Posted: June 14, 2012, 2:19 pm - IP Logged

                  Heads I win, tails you lose. The coin toss lands heads up - LP regular a big winner!

                   

                  IRS is confused - alien from Mars wins jackpot - what should the IRS charge for taxes?

                   

                  "I had the winning ticket but my goldfish ate it"

                   

                  Mom gives birth to quints - each baby born clutching a lottery ticket. "Oh that's where I hid them", says Mom.

                   

                  Karma bomb hits jackpot winner - court says winner has to share jackpot with all 1,204 people on FB friends list because winner posted a promise to share.

                  Djklaugh

                    Some things have to be believed to be seen.

                  "I have not failed. I have just found ten thousand things that don't work".  Thomas Edison

                    Lucky Loser's avatar - bucks
                    Texas
                    United States
                    Member #86154
                    January 30, 2010
                    1649 Posts
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                    Posted: June 14, 2012, 6:09 pm - IP Logged

                    Man visits his favorite convenience store to purchase his regular lottery tickets. Upon reviewing his tickets, which were QP's, he notices that one of his tickets contains mostly repeating numbers and becomes very angered. He complained to the clerk and refused to pay for the set of tickets. The clerk simply replied, "Sir, once I print out the tickets I cannot take them back...and you must pay for them. I'm very sorry about the repetitive numbers". "Well, I'm not paying for this bogus set of tickets!!!!" said the man.

                    A customer behind the angered man saw what was happening and that the man was very disgruntled with the situation. The customer then kindly said," Sir, I'd be more than happy to purchase that bad run of numbers from you if it'll make you feel better and speed things up. I just got off work, I'm late for dinner, and my wife is really upset with me right now".The angry customer agreed to the deal, sold the tickets, and purchased another set of tickets which he was content with. The guy behind him just rushed out of the store with the tickets he bought.

                    The next day, after the drawing, it was revealed that (2) tickets matched the winning numbers for the jackpot and that they were sold at that particular store along with the time.Well, the angered customer immediately rushed back to the store where he sold his numbers and purchased new ones. He ran into the store out of breathe asking the clerk, "Do you have a way of finding out if the winning numbers were purchased before or after the ones I bought? The clerk, recognizing his customer and extremely excited that his store sold (2) winning tickets, and, that this might be the winner replies, "Yes, Sir!!!!! I can absolutely check this for you!!!!"

                    After running the tickets, it was discovered that the angry man wasn't the winner and that the winning tickets were sold just before his sequence of tickets. This series of events proved to become even more interesting as the man who purchased the bad run of tickets bursted into the store, dancing, yelling and screaming, " I won, I won, I won....I can't believe I won!!!!! MY FIRST TIME EVER PLAYING and I won!!!!! I bought someone else's mistake and won!!!!!!!"

                    It has been reported that the angered man is still under very heavy sedation and suicide watch. First degree assault charges were filed against the man for severely beating both the clerk and the man he sold his tickets to...with a lottery ticket scanner.ScaredShockedEekBang HeadBashP***ed

                     

                    L.L.


                      United States
                      Member #111442
                      May 25, 2011
                      6323 Posts
                      Offline
                      Posted: June 14, 2012, 6:18 pm - IP Logged

                      Man visits his favorite convenience store to purchase his regular lottery tickets. Upon reviewing his tickets, which were QP's, he notices that one of his tickets contains mostly repeating numbers and becomes very angered. He complained to the clerk and refused to pay for the set of tickets. The clerk simply replied, "Sir, once I print out the tickets I cannot take them back...and you must pay for them. I'm very sorry about the repetitive numbers". "Well, I'm not paying for this bogus set of tickets!!!!" said the man.

                      A customer behind the angered man saw what was happening and that the man was very disgruntled with the situation. The customer then kindly said," Sir, I'd be more than happy to purchase that bad run of numbers from you if it'll make you feel better and speed things up. I just got off work, I'm late for dinner, and my wife is really upset with me right now".The angry customer agreed to the deal, sold the tickets, and purchased another set of tickets which he was content with. The guy behind him just rushed out of the store with the tickets he bought.

                      The next day, after the drawing, it was revealed that (2) tickets matched the winning numbers for the jackpot and that they were sold at that particular store along with the time.Well, the angered customer immediately rushed back to the store where he sold his numbers and purchased new ones. He ran into the store out of breathe asking the clerk, "Do you have a way of finding out if the winning numbers were purchased before or after the ones I bought? The clerk, recognizing his customer and extremely excited that his store sold (2) winning tickets, and, that this might be the winner replies, "Yes, Sir!!!!! I can absolutely check this for you!!!!"

                      After running the tickets, it was discovered that the angry man wasn't the winner and that the winning tickets were sold just before his sequence of tickets. This series of events proved to become even more interesting as the man who purchased the bad run of tickets bursted into the store, dancing, yelling and screaming, " I won, I won, I won....I can't believe I won!!!!! MY FIRST TIME EVER PLAYING and I won!!!!! I bought someone else's mistake and won!!!!!!!"

                      It has been reported that the angered man is still under very heavy sedation and suicide watch. First degree assault charges were filed against the man for severely beating both the clerk and the man he sold his tickets to...with a lottery ticket scanner.ScaredShockedEekBang HeadBashP***ed

                       

                      L.L.

                      Great story L.L.! Wonder how many times that has actually happened? I always buy mistake tickets whenever I spot the opportunity.  Big Grin

                        haymaker's avatar - Lottery-012.jpg
                        Egg Harbor twp.south Jersey shore
                        United States
                        Member #112968
                        June 29, 2011
                        3856 Posts
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                        Posted: June 14, 2012, 7:36 pm - IP Logged

                        Powerball says four winners hit record jackpot, one in Utah, one in Nevada, one in Alabama, and one in Hawaii.

                        Scared

                         

                        Fortune cookie company says their biggest client is Steve Player!

                        Hawaii winner claims to own half of nevada ticket,

                        Nevada winner claims to own half on utah ticket.,

                        Utah winners and someone from mississippi claim half on bama ticket,

                        Alaska group claims 50% pool in all 4 states.

                         

                        No one seems to know if steve player is real  (given the name)

                        confused judge w/ headache awards all wins to someone in wyoming named Steve "the playa"

                        Extraordinary Popular Delusions & the Madness of Crowds    -- Charles Mackay  LL.D.

                          Coin Toss's avatar - shape barbed.jpg
                          Zeta Reticuli Star System
                          United States
                          Member #30470
                          January 17, 2006
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                          Posted: June 15, 2012, 12:12 am - IP Logged

                          Good stuff folks, maximumfun, L.L. those posts really showed some thought and effort. Haymaker, very clever!

                          A few more:

                          Both PB and MM confirm on average 12 to 15 jackpots hit a year.

                          Both PB and MM also confirm on average 70,000 to 75,000 people a year claim to have hit those jackpots!

                          CBS planned new lottery sitcom. Had to cancel when people who didn't get a role in the cast wanted to be paid anyway.

                          Those who run the lotteries love it when players look for consistency in something that's designed not to have any.

                          Lep

                          There is one and only one 'proven' system, and that is to book the action. No matter the game, let the players pick their own losers.

                            maximumfun's avatar - Lottery-030.jpg
                            Lavender Rocket

                            United States
                            Member #124616
                            March 16, 2012
                            2642 Posts
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                            Posted: June 15, 2012, 12:14 am - IP Logged

                            Original Post by  Coin Toss

                            CBS planned new lottery sitcom. Had to cancel when people who didn't get a role in the cast wanted to be paid anyway.

                            LOLOL - LOL

                              Coin Toss's avatar - shape barbed.jpg
                              Zeta Reticuli Star System
                              United States
                              Member #30470
                              January 17, 2006
                              10353 Posts
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                              Posted: June 15, 2012, 7:03 pm - IP Logged

                              MegaMillions says it has no explanation for all the balls drawn last Friday being Roman Numerals and not numbers.

                              Those who run the lotteries love it when players look for consistency in something that's designed not to have any.

                              Lep

                              There is one and only one 'proven' system, and that is to book the action. No matter the game, let the players pick their own losers.