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Lottery Jokes

Topic closed. 36 replies. Last post 3 years ago by DG1USA.

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United States
Member #149917
December 12, 2013
10 Posts
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Posted: December 12, 2013, 8:31 am - IP Logged

A man rushes into his house and announces to his wife,
"I won the lottery! Go pack your bags!"

She says,
"Great! Where are we going?"

He looks at her blankly, pauses, and then says,
"I don't care where you go. Just get the f**k out."

    hearsetrax's avatar - 0118

    United States
    Member #52345
    May 21, 2007
    2657 Posts
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    Posted: December 12, 2013, 8:38 am - IP Logged

    A man rushes into his house and announces to his wife,
    "I won the lottery! Go pack your bags!"

    She says,
    "Great! Where are we going?"

    He looks at her blankly, pauses, and then says,
    "I don't care where you go. Just get the f**k out."

    nut house

      helpmewin's avatar - dandy
      u$a
      United States
      Member #106665
      February 22, 2011
      19743 Posts
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      Posted: December 12, 2013, 8:44 am - IP Logged

      A man rushes into his house and announces to his wife,
      "I won the lottery! Go pack your bags!"

      She says,
      "Great! Where are we going?"

      He looks at her blankly, pauses, and then says,
      "I don't care where you go. Just get the f**k out."

      Blue Thinking

      Let it Snow Snowman

        dr65's avatar - black panther.jpg
        Pennsylvania
        United States
        Member #74096
        May 2, 2009
        22859 Posts
        Online
        Posted: December 12, 2013, 10:02 am - IP Logged

        Scanner reading:

         

        Congratulations!! You won $5.00!!

        246 ~~ 485 ~~ 369 ~~ 890 ~~ 705 ~~ 357 ~~ 129 ~~ 165 ~  007 ~ 225 ~ 818 ~ 440 ~  7775 5557

          Astekblue's avatar - Tarlor
          Kentucky
          United States
          Member #35086
          March 12, 2006
          10374 Posts
          Offline
          Posted: December 12, 2013, 11:05 am - IP Logged

          Scanner reading:

           

          Congratulations!! You won $5.00!!

          Green laugh

            dr65's avatar - black panther.jpg
            Pennsylvania
            United States
            Member #74096
            May 2, 2009
            22859 Posts
            Online
            Posted: December 12, 2013, 11:14 am - IP Logged

            Green laugh

            RudolphBig Smile  Hi Astek! How's it been going? I do hope well. Have a great holiday and I hope the joke's on our respective

            lottery this season.

            May the machines turn against them, malfunction and make many more winners than losers.

            Would be nice to see the 'yolk' on someone in 'central command'.

            246 ~~ 485 ~~ 369 ~~ 890 ~~ 705 ~~ 357 ~~ 129 ~~ 165 ~  007 ~ 225 ~ 818 ~ 440 ~  7775 5557

              Astekblue's avatar - Tarlor
              Kentucky
              United States
              Member #35086
              March 12, 2006
              10374 Posts
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              Posted: December 12, 2013, 11:36 am - IP Logged

              RudolphBig Smile  Hi Astek! How's it been going? I do hope well. Have a great holiday and I hope the joke's on our respective

              lottery this season.

              May the machines turn against them, malfunction and make many more winners than losers.

              Would be nice to see the 'yolk' on someone in 'central command'.

              Hello   My   Good  and   Faithful   Friend    dr    See Ya!

               

              Made  My   Day

               

              Been  doing  good , but  been taking  a  break  from  the  numbers  ,  so  havent  been   posting   much

               

              Your  Wish   above  will   be     my    Christmas   Wish    also   Thumbs Up

               

               

              Merry    Christmas     dr     Smiley Santa

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                United States
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                December 9, 2013
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                Posted: December 12, 2013, 12:00 pm - IP Logged

                Blue Thinking

                LOL didnt like that one too much huh helpmewin...it's just a joke, we all know in real life she woulda got half if he wanted to kick her out...heck he might not of had to even kick, she might've been ready to walk LOL

                  duckman's avatar - ducklogodrake64x64
                  Jacksonville Florida
                  United States
                  Member #23018
                  October 6, 2005
                  915 Posts
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                  Posted: December 12, 2013, 12:53 pm - IP Logged

                  A man rushes into his house and announces to his wife,
                  "I won the lottery! Go pack your bags!"

                  She says,
                  "Great! Where are we going?"

                  He looks at her blankly, pauses, and then says,
                  "I don't care where you go. Just get the f**k out."

                  Part II:

                  The wife says, "You mean we won the lottery."

                  The wife adds, "I am heading to my attorney's office."

                  The wife waves and says, "See you later..."

                    Avatar

                    United States
                    Member #149820
                    December 9, 2013
                    643 Posts
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                    Posted: December 12, 2013, 2:25 pm - IP Logged

                    What lottery did the broom win?? The sweepstakes..... ba dum pish

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                      United States
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                      December 9, 2013
                      643 Posts
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                      Posted: December 12, 2013, 2:29 pm - IP Logged

                      A guy wins the lottery and the lotto officials ask "What are you gonna do with the money"? The guy replies "Im gonna keep a promise to my homeless brother and give him a house, I'll give him the box my 65" plasma came in

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                        United States
                        Member #149820
                        December 9, 2013
                        643 Posts
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                        Posted: December 12, 2013, 2:34 pm - IP Logged

                        Have you heard about the new 3 million dollar Alabama state lottery?? The winner get $3 a year for a million years

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                          United States
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                          December 9, 2013
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                          Posted: December 12, 2013, 2:39 pm - IP Logged

                          A guy wins 20 million in the lottery and goes to the headquarters to claim his money, he goes up to the clerk and says "I want my 20 million" The lotto official says "No sir we give you a check for a million and you get the rest over 19 years". The guy says no I want all my money now. So they go back and forth a couple times and the guy tells the lotto official "Look if you're not going to give me my 20 million I want my dollar back"!

                            haymaker's avatar - Lottery-012.jpg
                            Egg Harbor twp.south Jersey shore
                            United States
                            Member #112968
                            June 29, 2011
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                            Posted: December 12, 2013, 2:41 pm - IP Logged

                            Ever played the Eskimo lottery ?

                            You have to be Inuit to win it !

                            Extraordinary Popular Delusions & the Madness of Crowds    -- Charles Mackay  LL.D.

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                              United States
                              Member #149820
                              December 9, 2013
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                              Posted: December 12, 2013, 2:47 pm - IP Logged

                              An old man walks into the bank and yells at the teller "Hey I want to open a <snip> checking account". The teller goes "I beg your pardon sir"? He repeats "I want to open a <snip> checking account". Well the teller replies "Sir please, we dont tolorate that kind of language in this establishment" So she leaves and goes to get the manager and tells him the situation. The manager comes back and asks the man "Sir what is the problem today"? The old man says "There is no friggin <snip> problem I just won $50 million dollars in the <snip> lottery and I want to open a <snip> checking account in your <snip> bank! So the bank manager goes "I see sir, and this <snip> woman is giving you a hard time

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