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Lottery Jokes

Topic closed. 36 replies. Last post 3 years ago by DG1USA.

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Astekblue's avatar - Tarlor
Kentucky
United States
Member #35086
March 12, 2006
10374 Posts
Offline
Posted: January 21, 2014, 1:00 am - IP Logged

A  woman  wins    millions  in the lottery  ,  but it is all gone in a few years because of her husbands wild  spending

 

A  couple of years later  ,  the woman passes  away  of  natural  causes

 

She  goes  to   Heaven  and  arrives  outside   the  Pearly   Gates

 

Saint  Peter  is  watching  the  Gate

 

The woman asks  him   ,    "  Can  I  come  in  "    ???

 

Saint  Peter  said    "  Yes  Honey  ,  its  easy  to  get  in  here ,  you  only  have  to  spell  one   word "

 

The woman  said  "  Which  word  is  that "

 

Saint  Peter  said   "  Spell   the  word   Love "

 

Woman  said   "   L o v e   "

 

Saint  Peter  said   "   Come  on  in  "

 

It was a  Wonderful  ,  Beautiful  place  ,  with  Love  and   Peace  and  Harmony   and   Happiness   all   over

 

Later in the evening  , the woman was passing by the  inside  of  the  Pearly  Gates  ,  and  Saint Peter asked her  " I have to go away for a little while ,  could  you watch the Gate for me ,  you  know  what  to  do  "

 

So the woman  said  yes

 

Saint Peter thanked her  and on  his  way  he  went

 

About half hour later the woman's husband showed up outside of  the  Pearly  Gates

 

The woman said    "  What  are  you  doing  here "     ???

 

The husband  said   "  Well  ,  after you were gone  , I missed you so much , as I didnt have anyone to wait on me hand and foot anymore , and also all the money was gone , so I just passed away.............and  here  I  am "  !!!!

 

The husband  then  said   "   Can  I  come  in  through  the  Pearly  Gates  to   Heaven "  ?????

 

The woman said  "  Sure.........its  easy  to  get  in  here  ,  all  you  have  to  do  is  spell  one  word "

 

So the husband  said   "  What  word  do  I  have  to   spell  "   ?????

 

The  Woman  said   : 

 

"  Spell ...........   Czechoslovakia  "       !!!!!!!         Smile

    rdgrnr's avatar - walt
    Way back up in them dadgum hills, son!
    United States
    Member #73904
    April 28, 2009
    14903 Posts
    Offline
    Posted: January 21, 2014, 2:49 am - IP Logged

    A  woman  wins    millions  in the lottery  ,  but it is all gone in a few years because of her husbands wild  spending

     

    A  couple of years later  ,  the woman passes  away  of  natural  causes

     

    She  goes  to   Heaven  and  arrives  outside   the  Pearly   Gates

     

    Saint  Peter  is  watching  the  Gate

     

    The woman asks  him   ,    "  Can  I  come  in  "    ???

     

    Saint  Peter  said    "  Yes  Honey  ,  its  easy  to  get  in  here ,  you  only  have  to  spell  one   word "

     

    The woman  said  "  Which  word  is  that "

     

    Saint  Peter  said   "  Spell   the  word   Love "

     

    Woman  said   "   L o v e   "

     

    Saint  Peter  said   "   Come  on  in  "

     

    It was a  Wonderful  ,  Beautiful  place  ,  with  Love  and   Peace  and  Harmony   and   Happiness   all   over

     

    Later in the evening  , the woman was passing by the  inside  of  the  Pearly  Gates  ,  and  Saint Peter asked her  " I have to go away for a little while ,  could  you watch the Gate for me ,  you  know  what  to  do  "

     

    So the woman  said  yes

     

    Saint Peter thanked her  and on  his  way  he  went

     

    About half hour later the woman's husband showed up outside of  the  Pearly  Gates

     

    The woman said    "  What  are  you  doing  here "     ???

     

    The husband  said   "  Well  ,  after you were gone  , I missed you so much , as I didnt have anyone to wait on me hand and foot anymore , and also all the money was gone , so I just passed away.............and  here  I  am "  !!!!

     

    The husband  then  said   "   Can  I  come  in  through  the  Pearly  Gates  to   Heaven "  ?????

     

    The woman said  "  Sure.........its  easy  to  get  in  here  ,  all  you  have  to  do  is  spell  one  word "

     

    So the husband  said   "  What  word  do  I  have  to   spell  "   ?????

     

    The  Woman  said   : 

     

    "  Spell ...........   Czechoslovakia  "       !!!!!!!         Smile

    Heh,heh,heh...   Thumbs Up

      Astekblue's avatar - Tarlor
      Kentucky
      United States
      Member #35086
      March 12, 2006
      10374 Posts
      Offline
      Posted: January 21, 2014, 3:00 am - IP Logged

      Heh,heh,heh...   Thumbs Up

      Smile

        Lucky Loser's avatar - bucks
        Texas
        United States
        Member #86154
        January 30, 2010
        1654 Posts
        Offline
        Posted: January 21, 2014, 8:13 am - IP Logged

        When I won the lottery I decided to phone my ex-wife to rub it in.

        "I bet you feel gutted knowing that I've won six million quid and you could've had half if you hadn't cheated on me", I sneered at her, thinking I'd finally managed to get the last word.

        "On the contrary, I'm delighted for you", she replied. "It's about time your balls dropped".

        Bitch.

        Small games, frequent wins, and regular payouts 'cause.....

        There are seven days in the week...'Someday' isn't one of them.

        #lotto-4-a-living

          Avatar
          New Member
          Cranston, RI
          United States
          Member #151491
          January 18, 2014
          5 Posts
          Offline
          Posted: January 22, 2014, 11:03 pm - IP Logged

          Every Sunday, I pray to God for a winning lotto ticket.  Last Sunday, a voice from above says, "Meet me half way.  Buy one"

            sully16's avatar - sharan
            Ringleader
            Michigan
            United States
            Member #81740
            October 28, 2009
            42115 Posts
            Offline
            Posted: January 22, 2014, 11:09 pm - IP Logged

            A  woman  wins    millions  in the lottery  ,  but it is all gone in a few years because of her husbands wild  spending

             

            A  couple of years later  ,  the woman passes  away  of  natural  causes

             

            She  goes  to   Heaven  and  arrives  outside   the  Pearly   Gates

             

            Saint  Peter  is  watching  the  Gate

             

            The woman asks  him   ,    "  Can  I  come  in  "    ???

             

            Saint  Peter  said    "  Yes  Honey  ,  its  easy  to  get  in  here ,  you  only  have  to  spell  one   word "

             

            The woman  said  "  Which  word  is  that "

             

            Saint  Peter  said   "  Spell   the  word   Love "

             

            Woman  said   "   L o v e   "

             

            Saint  Peter  said   "   Come  on  in  "

             

            It was a  Wonderful  ,  Beautiful  place  ,  with  Love  and   Peace  and  Harmony   and   Happiness   all   over

             

            Later in the evening  , the woman was passing by the  inside  of  the  Pearly  Gates  ,  and  Saint Peter asked her  " I have to go away for a little while ,  could  you watch the Gate for me ,  you  know  what  to  do  "

             

            So the woman  said  yes

             

            Saint Peter thanked her  and on  his  way  he  went

             

            About half hour later the woman's husband showed up outside of  the  Pearly  Gates

             

            The woman said    "  What  are  you  doing  here "     ???

             

            The husband  said   "  Well  ,  after you were gone  , I missed you so much , as I didnt have anyone to wait on me hand and foot anymore , and also all the money was gone , so I just passed away.............and  here  I  am "  !!!!

             

            The husband  then  said   "   Can  I  come  in  through  the  Pearly  Gates  to   Heaven "  ?????

             

            The woman said  "  Sure.........its  easy  to  get  in  here  ,  all  you  have  to  do  is  spell  one  word "

             

            So the husband  said   "  What  word  do  I  have  to   spell  "   ?????

             

            The  Woman  said   : 

             

            "  Spell ...........   Czechoslovakia  "       !!!!!!!         Smile

            Good one Astek

             HyperBe Happy.

              Avatar
              The land of Canals
              United States
              Member #137589
              January 7, 2013
              168 Posts
              Offline
              Posted: January 29, 2014, 6:21 pm - IP Logged

              Every Sunday, I pray to God for a winning lotto ticket.  Last Sunday, a voice from above says, "Meet me half way.  Buy one"

              LOL Excellent.

              “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” 
               Steve Martin

              Cool